Waiting room man twat

[Thistledew]

Urgent advice! How would you/should I deal with this?

I am sitting in a public waiting room. It is not crowded and there are plenty of seats.

A man sat down two seats away from me, and stretched out his arm along the back of the seats so that his hand was resting on the back of my seat. I have just noticed that he has to sit on the edge of his seat to achieve this.

What would you do?

I am here on work so any response has to fit with my professional demeanour.

• What I have actually done was to hold my ground whilst I finished the coffee I was drinking and then use the excuse of putting the cup in a bin to move to a different seat, but otherwise I didn't see why I should have to move to protect my personal space. I felt like I wanted to say something to him but couldn't think what to say.

WWYD?

i would have said 'did you know your hand is on the back of my chair? Had you meant to do that' in my best foghorn voice (am N. American)

what a dick

you should accidently kick him/whack him with your briefcase/step on his toes on your way to your appointment

WHOOPSIE!

A pointed look at the offending hand, and a polite - 'do you mind?' I think would have done it.

I'm angry on your behalf.

Extremely pointed looks at the offending arm and the offender.

If you're not sitting next to him any longer, an unremitting withering glare which can only say: I know what you were doing, you pervert'.

I'd be tempted to tread on his foot as I walked past but I know I probably wouldn't.

Stern glare (over the top of glasses if possible) and Excuse me.
Even better if you can pull this face

Get up to bin the cup, then come back to the seat and "notice" his arm for the first time. Comment "Oh are you using all three of those chairs then?" Hopefully he'll be embarrassed and move it then you can take "your" seat back. Either way, at least you've called him on it.

You are both right! Normally I am not shy about speaking up but obviously the coffee had not kicked in and my mind went blank.

It is amazing, isn't it, how often men will invade your personal space in public? Leaning on you in a packed train. Standing just that bit too close on a train platform, not to mention the dreaded leg spreading on a bus or tube. I can think of numerous times that I have sat next to a man on public transport and they have made no effort to move over so that I am not squashed against him. Funnily enough when I mentioned this to my DP, he could not think of a single time when it had happened to him.

Sorry, x-post with lots. My appointment was called when I was half way through typing that post.

LOL NYE I am imagining you deep-breathing.

One of the things I used to do when commuting years ago, is if a man invaded my space when he sat down on me, I would do the deep breathing thing, but really loudly and alarmingly, with the occasional deep breathing yoga breath that sounds like a snore and that would usually move him away. If he moved back again, I'd start deep breathing again. This did not always work, but it afforded me much amusement which dispelled my fury.

Oh I love my get out of my fucking personal space battles on the train. And yes watch the difference if it is a man that sits down instead. I act like a man in those situations and enjoy it. Totally take up my space. I also have a fantastic 'look' that works wonders.

Watch also on the train, how frequently when women want to sit in a space that requires a bag moving or similar they will apologise. Men don't do that. Never apologise for your existence. Ask politely for sure, but never apologise for taking up space.

When I'm on public transport (almost daily) if I'm next to a man, it always seems to be me that compromises my space. I'll be pressed up against the window, so he can spread his legs wide, etc.

I'm overweight and this stops me from saying anything, as I'm afraid of what the comeback could be.

Personal space invasion is fucking gaaaaah, I hate it.

People leaning on the pole in the tube so you have to ask them to move so you can hold on. I had to do this the other day (tbf that was a woman not a man).

I am very very very aware of men taking up my personal space and I do everything I can to combat it.