The constant apologising women do for being alive

[ElfenorRathbone]

I read this article in Jezebel just now and nodded in recognition.

Just thought I'd post it as it's good.

oh that is fantastic, thank you for posting.
'We are a generation that arrived pre-empowered thanks to the work of our moms and grandmothers and great-grandmothers. We're smart, we're ambitious, we're hardworking, we're determined, we're badass, we're brilliant ? and we're still so very, very sorry.'

I nodded in recognition too.

Did you read the poem someone posted in reply? I love this stanza:

I?m sorry I sounded like your teacher.
I was, in fact, your teacher, and you were, to be precise,
a student, in my class at the university,
and I do happen to know a lot about that particular subject,
which is arguably why they let me teach it in the first place,
but I?m sorry I spoke with so much authority.

That is exactly how some of my male students have made me feel.

Wow. I'm nodding to all of that, and the poem.

I apologize all the time. I only realize how much I do it when I listen to other women do the same thing.

yeah, thanks for that.

Being sorry is a very British thing too

I'm somewhat baffled by this one. I've never been one to apologise for anything where I wasn't genuinely at fault; I've never noticed it as a female trait. A British one, yes. Brits seem to fall over themselves to apologise for the most ridiculous things all the time. But I shall pay more attention now to whether women do it more than men.....

Sorry, but this thread/that article really resonate and have made me laugh.
Loved the poem, too.

That's a bit of an upsetting article. I think she was raped, certainly assaulted.

Every woman in my extended family apologises or says something self deprecating as she places a dish of food on the table.

I.m kind of with Annie on this one - this does not resonate with me at all.

Not that I don't understand why others feel like this - but this is not MY life.

I think it depends on the little bit of society you're in - my dad says that women in his profession (engineering-based, and very male-dominated) tend to apologize less than men if anything, because there is pressure for them to be seen as very bolshy and self-confident. And I notice that if you're in a profession where saying sorry is seen as worryingly close to admitting liability, you have to train yourself out of it!

I am apologetic and self-effacing - the comment about apologising as you place a dish of food on the table resonated with me - I act that way in other areas (though strangely not so much around the meals I serve - those I am pretty confident about). But I don't know if my sorry-ness is due to being a woman or due to my huge lack of self confidence, arising from when I was bullied at school.

Not nice that it could be either, SDTG.

I'm an apologoholic.

Even on here, I apologise profusely. Even when telling an ex he's being a complete TOOL, I apologise for being angry at him.

Unfortunately, it's rubbed off on DS, who now apologises too much.

Oh yes, SDTG - I didn't connect it to being bullied but the way I feel guilty and that I ought to apologise just in case I am in someone's way or annoying them in some way that I hadn't quite fathomed could link very much to how I felt as a teenage girl.

I also apologise for feeling ill

I can totally relate. I apologised to my midwife for having a contraction when she wanted to check me. She was lovely and waited until it was over, but honestly, apologising to a midwife during labour?

TeamDamon, I'm the same with space though I think that's due to my dyspraxia.

Another constant apologiser here. I only realised when my toddler started doing it, she's learned it from me, and I hate hearing it.

I was nodding as well and I have been working on it.

Another thing that relates to the topic - have you noticed that opinions expressed by women often look like this: "well..sorry.. I'm sure it's a stupid idea, but if you don't mind, I think we might consider that it might be better if..but if you don't agree, never mind." Whereas men, having based their opinion on the same info or less, will tell "We have to do it like this!".

The thing about this is she appears to be describing a sexual assault in amongst a whole lot of other stuff (some of it also serious like the woman who apologised for miscarrying).

In itself that says something, that she doesn't take herself seriously enough to know that she was harmed. It's not really apologies that are the problem here.

I dont think anywhere near most women do this, thank god. I do know a couple of women who do this, and one in particular. It is something that really winds people up as its so annoying.

It doesn't resonate with me, but I'm not British.

It does remind me of one bloke I worked with (when living in London) who was almost comedic with his level of 'sorrys'. I say 'almost' because it didn't take long for it to be really annoying.

God yes, I notice this.

I am much better in my professional life than my personal at not doing it. When I had just started in my first job my (female) boss did my new joiner appraisal. I had to fill in a little form, which I peppered with very female "I feel X has gone quite well". She handed it back to me and bluntly told me that I needed to rewrite it so it said "X went well because we achieved Y result", editing out all the feeling and 'quite', 'fairly' etc. She gave me a similar talking to about apologising all the time.

It has stood me in good stead and I am very grateful to her.

My DH is always telling me off for apologising.

I'm sorry I'm ill

I'm sorry you have to work at home tonight

I'm sorry the dog is dirty

I'm sorry we have ran out of milk

Whats worse is, a lot of the time, I genuinely think these things are my fault and I should have done something to prevent it or remedy it.

i did a count of the number of men and women who apologised to me for 'being in the way' when i was christmas shopping last:

4 women
0 men