Expecting men to dominate conversation.

[KoPo]

Im not sure how to word this, so apologies if I come across awkward or wrong.

We are always hearing about men dominating conversations and talking over others (mainly women), and for the most part I would agree with that assessment. I would like to share an experience I had this morning.

I go to a course each Friday and today we had a new man join. This man came across as very self confident without needing to be the centre of attention and was a very likeable chap. He didnt even attempt to dominate the conversation and when he did speak was polite considerate and he listened well to others. All in all he spoke about the same amount as any of the women there ( and far less than the other man on the course). The bit that made me think was at the end of the course when everyone was going home. several of the other women there expressed a view that he was oddly quiet and they were going to try and liven him up in future.

the question I have is does society as a whole demand men be a PITA and take over?

I was a bit at the idea that he should have been loud and in everyones face.

Personally I found it nice and quite refreshing.

I don't think society demands it. I just think they expect it and when it doesn't happen, it feels wrong to them.

You will find that often, when men behave in ways that are expected of women, other people will ask 'what is wrong with them?'

The bit that really got me is the same women who moaned that he was quiet and not in everyones faces are the very ones that moan that the very laddish male on the course is loud and annoying because he talks over them all the time.

How are we supposed to encourage change when we vilify the ones that do move forward and show some restraint and decency?

Makes me feel like beating my head against a bloody wall.

My dad is nice, very polite & seems quiet in group situations - mainly due to being quite deaf (although he does have a loud voice as he can't hear himself speak that well).
He is a bit sexist but only in an old fashioned 'no swearing in front of ladies' way. But he talks to women including me, as equals.
So he's 'one of the lads' at work but also very popular with women.
The man in your group sounds similar; & that moany woman should appreciate that.
Sadly, like many of my older married colleagues, some women are so used to men who are properly sexist & domineering that they find it odd when men are nice.