The way some men can belittle women's interests in a way that I have never really seen women belittle men's interests. Grrrr.

[Greythorne]

Back story:
We were invited for a tea party at a friend's last weekend. It was an afternoon thing, with 6 kids, 3 couples. Very nice. The woman "hosting" had gone to quite a bit of effort by making a big fancy chocolate cake with a sort of biscuit crown thingy around it. Looked yummy and very attractive.

When she brought it out, we oohed and ahed and I asked how she had made the biscuit crown thingy and a short conversation ensued about recipes and biscuit cutters. A short conversation. Then we moved on to talk about politics, the strike, Greece, education issues, etc etc.

But what got my goat was the way one of the men present started to belittle the women as we (briefly!) discussed the recipe, that is, what traditionally a "women's topic".

He started saying, "Just listen to yourselves!" and "God, let's talk about biscuits!" and " wait a minute, are we actually going to have a conversation about biscuits?"

I thought he was a rude man but beyond basic lack of manners, it struck me that it was deeply sexist to imply that:
We were "little women" talking about silly fripperies
That traditional women's topics are so easily mocked
If we had been talking about cooking something other than baking (even something else culinary, like beef wellington) it would have been legit
And that aboveall, I have never seen women so convincingly belittle men when they talk about traditional "men's topics" like football or whatever.

I don't know where I am going with this, other than to say I see women claiming interest in "men's topics" (like sport and even bloody lapdancing clubs) but never, never do I see men showing interest in "women's topics".

Just one more way equality is so not equal.

Not sure that was sexist, really - the 'clips' you gave only show his disdain at such a banal topic of conversation, rather than such a 'girly-girly' topic of conversation.

Also, even though you put them in quotes, I do think that you're falling into the trap of gender stereotyping - sport is a men's topic?!

As for not seeing men showing interest in women's activities, one counter-example would be cooking; I'd bet there are more male TV chefs than female.

YANBU OP. From what you've said it sound like this bloke was a bit sexist. Did he actually say it was a women's subject? In any case, you can always diffuse the situation by picking on his latest trivial topic of conversation and taking the piss out of that.

Yanbu, he was being a dick. The conversation wasn't happening because you little women felt like discussing biscuits but because you were responding to something the "hostess" was offering to you.

It's common courtesy to respond to something produced to entertain and nourish one's guests, so he was being extra rude to her.

Is he the kind of man that thinks food manifests itself by magic?

I get so fed up with how female and male topics are ranked so that men can big themselves up and put as down.

I know it's stereotyping, but both men and women can enjoy light weight topic of conversation. to openly mock what others are talking about is downright rude. If the men at any point discussed anything less serious than achieving world peace or ending povert, without him also sneering at them, then it would seem that he was being sexist.

If he thinks culinary arts unworthy of discussion, then did he also disdain to eat it?

I don't know really, I know I yawn jokingly and make similar comments when DH goes into a monologue on various battery types he could use for the electric car he wants to build, describing the various coupling systems etc. It goes over my head, bot because I'm a woman but cause he is an aerospace engineer and talks far too technically for me! I am very proud and supportive of him though as he knows, and do know the ins and outs of his design quite thoroughly!

On the other hand, I am trying to learn to sew etc at the moment (he is way better at it than me, he had to show me how to use the machine so no gender stereotypes here!) and he couldn't be more interested and supportive of me taking time for myself toearn something new, helping me talk through ideas, not laughing when I do something stupid etc. If he was dismissive I would be cross, yes.

I dislike the way that some people are dismissive and rude about another person's hobby or passion. If you find it boring, switch off, read a book, go and do the washing up.
Don't be mean and patronising and eye-rolling. It is rude and unjustifiable.
But, to disagree with the OP, there are thousands of instances where women have been sniggering or irritated by their OH having a hobby they don't see the point of, often phrased as being 'little boys' accompanied by heroic sighs and a stance that they are the one on the relationship who is the adult.
So I'd say it was a gender-neutral issue to me.

Op you are right, it is another form of hidden/indirect mysogyny.

If something is seen as 'belonging' to women as a group it is devalued by society. This happens across the board- look at how 'chick lit' is mocked.

OP you're quite right. It comes from the same place as art being revered whilst crafts are derided etc.

He was ill mannered but that was him.
He can't bear the weight of his sex.
I can think of many of my friends that sneer quite openly at their husbands' passion for football/cycling/golf/running.

(Actually, I'm with them totally on the golf thing. Imagine shagging someone who plays golf?? Eewwww.)

I think women are very good at eye rolling and yawning when they aren't interested in what men are talking about. Generally both sides make a joke of it though, it isn't nice if it is done cruelly.

I don't know. Ho does sound like a twat but at the same time I think the women I know do a t pretty good job of belittling traditional men's hobbies. My sister does a great line in eye-rolling at most sports & has declared that football is pointless as they just have to do it all again next year

I think this guy was rude and boorish. Belittling what anyone - male or female - chooses to talk about in their own home is the height of bad manners and ignorance.

Maybe he is sexist too, but I have to say I've seen women do similar to me other women.

Personal anecdote: I used to go to an art class where I was the relative newbie in an established group. Chat went on, mainly instigated by the Queen Bee and revolving around her cat. I'd chip in a bit, but was clearly not One Of The Gang.

Then a new girl rocks up, and a brief introduction established we had kids about the same age, so the conversation turned to secondary schools - 'my son might be going to your son's school, how do you find the other school' etc.
Lasted a few minutes and was brief and to the point - we all know no one wants to hear us banging on about our kids.

(Childless) Queen Bee Woman pipes up with 'it's like a mother's meeting in here.'
Readers, I was stunned into silence.

Just one example, but I'm sure there are many women who wouldn't dream of discussing 'women's matters' in public too, and will actively put others down for doing so.

He's still rude, though.

Yes, I've known people like that.
Want to drone on about their romantic life (if shagging losers is what passes for one) but heaven forbid if you mention your kids in passing.

I rip it out of mens interets all teh time eg COD, watching things on youtube finding it hysterical and showig it to all your mates and laughing hysterically every single time always really random things!

Another one is comparing products so anally you read the write ups, watch all the you tube vids etc.Also Football when watching every goal at every angle eg behind goal, in front of goal from left and right, in slow mo and then the commentators and all the dhs dissecting it arggghhh!! Another is dirty sanchez/jackass styla pranks and watching videos relating to it watching things like men skateboarding of a roof or getting kcked in the balls. why??

I'm not sure it's a sexist thing, although the man was certainly extremely rude and patronising. Traditional "men's" hobbies are often some of the most villified - train-spotting, battle re-enactment etc. And I think women are pretty distainful of many sports (e.g. golf) and men drinking in the pub.

If it's any consolation I am hopeful things are changing (albeit slowly). There are lads at work who like baking at home and bring in the most delicious and impressive goodies on 'cake days'. We have chats about this hobby (just as we chat about football or other 'blokey' hobbies) and no-one comments or bats an eyelid.

Agree it's not the norm but there is hope!

I suppose the question is would a woman feel confident enough to start sneering at a group of men discussing a stereotypically male subject of conversation like football at a party, and expect to be taken seriously by them and be confident that she could shame them into shutting up.

Probably not, which is why this is misogyny.

He probably didn't like the fact that women were dominating the conversation, whatever they were talking about.

I thought it was usually the other way round and parties are all about women dominating all conversations especially after a few drinks

He was rude, but I haven't noticed a trend towards men denigrating typically female hobbies any more than women do about hobbies that are stereotypically male.

Warhammer. 'Nuff said...

That's the myth molly.

In fact people who study these things (there are people that do!) record that men invariably dominate conversations and take up the most conversational space.

As ever, Thunderbolts has it on the nail.

Never hung around with me then thunderbolts I am often reminded to breathe by my husband and my parents when I get going.I find it incredibly difficult to ever shut up