Playground games

[TheMitfordsMaid]

I was chatting to one of the parents at school this morning and she described a game that our sons have been playing in reception. It involves the boys chasing the girls and smacking their bottoms, a bit like kiss chase.

I played kiss chase at school. I'm sure most of us did. But I really don't like it now and will be having a conversation with my son about it this afternoon. Specifically, I don't like the boys chasing the girls and them "pretending" not to like it. I know one of the girls really doesn't want to play, so she doesn't get chased. But it is always the boys chasing, and this I don't like.

The other mother though I was over-reacting - I didn't froth - I just said that my feminist heart felt uncomfortable about it and that I would need to think about how I feel about these games.

I suspect the only place where I can get a sensible discussion on this is right here, but I am wondering now if I am being a militant. I don't know. What do you think?

I knew this would happen.

Don't you ever get a reaction to something that makes you think? This is one of those occasions for me.

By all means have a word with your son about respect, but don't get too het up over it will you?

They should be taking turns between the groups of chaser and chased.

We played kiss chase at primary school - I distinctly remember it. There were occasions when we (the girls) chased the boys... All the girls in primary school trying to kiss 3 particular boys...

Is it possible the girls get their own back on another occasion?

As I said, I wasn't frothing with anger. In fact I am just thinking about it, and will probably mention it to him to see what he thinks about it. I certainly won't be matching up to his teacher and demanding that they stop. But isn't it all the little things that perpetuate inequalities?

I remember a bloke touching me at university who seemed quite confused when I told him to stop. He carried on, and didn't listen when I firmly told him to remove his hand. We were only 17, and he didn't listen to no.

I guess that situation is rumbling around in my head when I think about this.

I was pleased to note from OP that those who do not want to join in the game are left alone.

This suggests that there is an understanding of the "scream if you what to go faster" part of the game, and a genuine refusal. And that's a good thing.

This gives you your springboard for the serious talk: ask DCs how they know that XX doesn't want to join in; how they know YY does; how can they be sure they've understood XX and YY properly; why it's always important to ask if someone wants to play, not just assume that because you really want to everyone else does too; and why you should always take a refusal seriously ("you wouldn't like it if someone made you play a game when you didn't want to"). If that's the well-established playground norm, it'll help set boundaries later (when hormone-fuelled urgency will also be playing a part).

At my DS's school we have the opposite issue, all the girls are very confident and the game there is called 'kissy girls', always girls chasing the boys.

I don't think the boys should be smacking the girls' bottoms - that just 'ain't right on so many levels.

I wouldn't be happy about that AT ALL and neither would my 8 year old DD. She might go along with it under peer pressure though.