Tell me I am not going mad...

[kandinskysgirl]

I went to register at the doctors this morning, it was quite a painful process as I have moved quite a few times and had various doctors (of which I couldn't remember the addresses) so I was feeling a bit uncomfortable and like I was annoying the receptionist.

Anyway I ticked the Ms. box as that is how I generally go by, the receptionist looked at me and asked had I ever been married? I said no and she said, 'but you have ticked Ms', I explained that is the title I generally go by and she looked at me like I was crazy and crossed it out and ticked Miss on my form.

Now I know that I am allowed to use Ms, I know that the whole point is that a women isn't disclosing her marriage status and yet I couldn't say anything.

Now I am kicking myself...so I need clever Mumsnets ladies to tell me I am not going mad and that the lady was being silly......

Not silly. Bloody rude

TBE I don't think I could believe my eyes, I have read on here lots of examples of this sort of thing but it is the first time it has happened to me and I was gobsmacked.

She looked at me like I had no concept of what titles were and I was already feeling a bit stupid anyway. I wished I had said something now....

Utterly out of order.
Non of her business what title you choose.

It would've rendered me speechless too. Then I would've raged about it afterwards. She put you in a difficult position though: you're innocently going about your business trying to register with a doctor, you don't want a bloody confrontation at the reception desk or to start your relationship with the practice on a sour note etc etc.

I wonder if it's worth putting in a complaint to the practice manager though. I can understand if you prefer not to (for a quiet life and all that) but her behaviour really was totally out of order.

Rude and silly. Where did this stupid myth that "Ms means divorced" come from anyway?

Next time ask her to correct it.

Yes I do feel a bit mad about it now. It really need to see a doctor about a few issues so I might leave it now...just wished I said something at the time.

I think I looked like a goldfish with my mouth opening and closing.

How rude!

I think I'd have snatched the form back and ticked the MR box and told her not to presume anything.

I use Ms all the time and I am married.

I'm fantasising saying 'no it means I'm a... lesbian!'

And yes she was rude, and it is hard to say anything in those situations.

Be Mean, Tell the practice manager she amended your medical details in your presence, without your consent and fully aware the change was inaccurate.

Give them a ring and leave the detailed explanation until after the panic has set in. Then they can have the introduction to the rights of women to decide their titles independantly of interference from clerical numpties.

How rude!

I agree with kmd - incidentally this sort of thing really does matter. Your name on your prescription should match your ID. If you're 'Miss' on the prescription, technically, you (Ms) could be trying to get your older relative/mum's medicine by using her name.

Her actions were wholly unacceptable and skirting the edges of public duties under the Equality and Human Rights Act 2010 as well.

You have the right to be referred to in whatever way that you choose, so long as it's legal (i.e. you couldn't say your title was Dr unless you had the respective qualification, you can't say your name is Daisy Duck unless it actually is legally, etc.) It is not the remit of the receptionist, nor anyone in the practice to pass comment on your marital status (which she did,) or any other matter irrelevant to your care.

It must be frustrating if you have had difficulties in the past with GP registration due to moves, etc., so you may not have the stomach for doing something about this, but I hope that you will do. Not only is the surgery providing poor customer service (don't forget you ARE the customer!) but potentially breaking the law in doing so.

I am aware that there is an issue of GP surgeries "striking off" patients without always having a compelling reason to do so, but if there is an alternative practice, it would be worth considering withdrawing your application to the first in favour of another one. That way if you pursue a complaint, at least you will know it won't impact even indirectly on the future service you will receive.

kmdwestyorks suggestion is a good one - approaching it from the angle that the receptionist amended your personal and confidential information without your consent AND that you believe you were treated less favourably because of your gender and marital status as well. That SHOULD get the practice manager's attention pretty sharpish.

Best of luck.

OP, you are who you are, not who the rude and ignorant receptionist thinks you should be. Yes, sometimes people can just take your breath away by their behaviour and words can fail you at the time. No, you are not going mad.

In theory, I would like to see the practice manager being forced to explain why the practice disregards the accurate personal information that it receives from patients, substituting it with the staff's ignorant and incorrect opinions. However, I'll echo the comments of KRITIQ : doctors can and do refuse to treat people who have a "bad attitude", so they hold the power in the doctor-patient relationship and they know it. I would not advise you to do something that could jeopardise any future treatment.

HazleNutt wrote - "Where did this stupid myth that "Ms means divorced" come from anyway?"

I wish I knew too, but I don't know for sure. I've heard one theory that it comes from a time when almost all women married, but then the rise of feminism, increased use of Ms, and the increase in divorce all occurred at the same time from about 1970 onwards.

I've always used 'Ms.' I have three children and have lived with DP for 15 years. I am not a 'miss'

I think you should have said to her "Actually Miss is technically only used for virgins, and I've had sex HUNDREDS of times - so put me down as Ms please!" That would have shocked her

You could let the Patients Association know if the doctor strikes you off for complaining.

Report her to the Practice Manager.

What messy said. :o

The conversation should go like this in all similar circumstances:

Clerical Person: Title?
You: Ms
Clerical Person: Have you ever been married?
You: None of your business. Next question please.

what Messy and AlwaysWild said

The French system makes more sense to me, you title goes with age.

My jaw is still hitting the floor at the receptionists actions

she was f*** stupid

Pedantically, I feel compelled to add that you can say your name is Daisy Duck! You can be called anything; it's habit and repute. There's no "legal name" beyond what you are called and go by. When you change your name by "deed poll" you literally just write down that you're using X name now instead of Y. That's all, and even that is not required.

cite: CAB