A woman's lot in life

[nursenic]

Yesterday i attended my local breast clinic because in July i had a lump biopsied and although it turned out to be benign, i am now experiencing bleeding from the nipple.
i have also continued to produce breastmilk since weaning my 2 yr old DS back in 1996!
Upon meeting the female Breast consultant and outlining my symptoms, this is what she said-

"Women are biologically meant to be either pregnant or breastfeeding. This is why you are still lactating. It is unfortunately your biological lot in life and something plenty of women live with".

So as far as she is concerned, i should just accept this?

I have been biopsied again for the bleeding and await results. But knowing that a drug called Bromocryptine is available to dry up lactation, what polanet (or century) is this Dr on?

I thought that she was going to conclude her speech by reminding me that because Eve ate the apple, we are doomed to bringing forth children in great pain and suffering.

sorry- planet not 'polanet'.

I'm really confused arent women supposed to stop lactating once the stop bfeeding.

i.e the milk gets less and less.

difficulttimes-

Yes they are, but for various reasons the hormone called Prolactin can be raised or stay raised-stress, some medications or a Pituitary gland problem are all causes.
Then lactation continues.

it is not uncommon according to Dr Ratchet. i just couldn't believe the way she addressed/regarded the situation when there are treatments.

So old fashioned and different to the last breast surgeon I saw.

Sorry you're going through this. It sounds very worrying and stressful.

I suppose it's possible she was trying to make you feel better by giving you an 'explanation' for why your body is behaving in the way it is. Although it sounds more like she thinks you should just put up and shut up. Perhaps she doesn't understand how distressing it all is because she thinks it is commonplace and relatively 'normal'. That's definitely wrong. Arthritis is 'normal' and commonplace too, but few Drs send patients away and tell them to get on with their lot in life for that. Even if they can't treat it very well they offer sympathy.

Although Drs are supposed to be clinicians first and counsellors second, a good doctor understands the importance of empathy.

Did you mention Bromocryptine and ask if you could have it? Did she offer any explanation why you can't have it? If not, it may be worth bringing it up yourself and/or asking for a second opinion.

Hope you get a resolution soon.

Thanks sunshineandbooks-

It was her 'catsbum' shaped mouth as i spoke and 'I'm the expert here' attitude that really got my back up. I'm a healthcare professional, not shy about asking questions but i cannot help but think of all those people who would have felt belittled and patronised and would have gone away with things unresolved.

Or worse still, unaware that there are treatments.

I am anxious enough about the bleeding but when I told her about the three generations of breast cancer on my immediate maternal side and that one of them featured the same symptoms which were also 'left to watch and wait', because i used medical terminology, i got the 'you've been on the internet, you naughty woman' attitude.

I wasn't prepared to play the 'I'll show you my credentials if you show me yours' game lol but she seemed out of another century.

My GP is going to prescribe it and write to the clinic.

Well, we're also 'supposed' to die of virtually any disease you can think of ... how naughty of us to invent antibiotics, vacines, medical care in general.

Seriously, what a rude idiot. I hope you are ok - it sounds very painful and the last thing you needed was that sot of comment.

Unfortunately that attitude, which the BMA has been aware of and outwardly critical of for at least 30 years, is still all too common among all too many medical professionals.

Hard to know what one can do about that really, sorry you had to tolerate that shit.

was she quite old OP?

She was mid to late fifties but she was one of those women who are 'born old' if you know what I mean. Her appearance and demeanour was 'old school' Dr.

It's harder to deal with because I kind of feel a bit 'betrayed' by my own body let alone by a less-than-feminist Dr! I mean, I breastfed for nearly four years total, felt protected by that to a certain degree which I know is stupid but now no longer feel 'safe'.

I feel my breasts have 'let me down' which is totally crazy, I know.

nursenic that's not crazy, that's a perfectly understandable response.

Have you asked your GP about support groups?

Thank you Eleanor

It's kind of interesting...the range of human reactions to these events, isn't it?

I'm surprised by how much this Dr threw me off. I'm so used to advocating/supporting my own patients that I'm kind of useless at doing it for myself. She just made me freeze.

I will have a look at what is available but will await for my biopsy results. I will see my GP soon too.

When will these Drs stop being so unsupportive of women? Seems some female Drs are often the worst, you know. They seem to have partially repressed negative feelings towards their peers.

Maybe for an older female Dr, sexism within the medical profession around the earlier part of their careers causes them to suppress any seemingly 'female' qualities in order to cope better. There certainly appears to be a degree of internalised misogyny or at the very least, a lack of support.

Have you tried the drug to stop you lactating? I know someone who was still producing milk 2 years after stopping BF but since 1996 - that's just awful.

And so stressful with the biopsy and bleeding and everything.

Have an un MN

And YES I do think that there are a lot of things that women are supposed to just put up with and I wonder if they affected the other lot they would be looking for treatments / taken more seriously.

It could be a defense mechanism in female doctors? There is a v high rate of suicide among female GPs and they think they get loads more pressure than the men as people expect a female GP to treat them and give them impromptu councelling and be all nice and understanding. While with a man they get their treatment and go away happy.

It may be that female doctors develop a not terribly kindly bedside manner to avoid this phenemonon?

Just a theory obviously and personally I'l have a nice kindly person any day thanks

quite agree- as my DH said, if men had to walk around with fluid leaking from their penises, would they put up with it?

I do agree that one reason for being detached is a defense mechanism. I have had experiences with patients myself where I have requested clinical supervision because of the reaction I have had to them-can vary from over identification to feeling unable to establish a therapeutic rapport. It is something that we all experience in any job where we see peoples pain/emotional needs.

Thing is, I was being objective, not soliciting support because I actually find it 1)hard to ask for anyway, 2)I don't generally feel a sense of support from someone i consult for medical reasons. She just came out with this "Its a woman's lot in life" straight after i had described my symptoms. That's why I was so taken by surprise, I guess.

SardineQueen- yes, suicide and mental health problems are highest for GP's, Farmers, Dentists, Vets. Re suicide- is combination of the mental health problems, the stress level, economics and responsibility and crucially-easy access to lethal suicide methods such as shotguns, good effective drugs and expert knowledge.

Saying that, have noticed huge rise in the amount of seriously depressed and anxious primary school teachers above all other types/grades. An awful lot of bullying-related breakdowns for them too.

You have to be so tough to do well in surgery especially. Female OB/GYN's, Orthopods- all hit that career/baby ceiling at about the time they would be on the final push for Senior reg/Consultant/Spr Reg. That's why so many end up one grade post less than their male counterparts. And the hours for those surgical specialities are the most unpredictable.

"She just came out with this "Its a woman's lot in life" straight after i had described my symptoms"

It is an utterly depressing remark, yes.

A lot of (especially older) women feel like this though, don't they. Arses to wipe, babies to birth, repetitive tasks to be done forever, floors to be mopped etc etc. Accept it as your lot and just get on with it.

Quite. They do. Because they did not have the options the next generation have, resentment is allowed to grow.

Shame. I can remember reading 'The Women's Room' when I was 14 and being blown away by the pain and disillusionment of the women who had learned that marriage and mothering was one big concealment. How let down by their own sex they felt, let alone by men!
Reading that book was like being whacked over the head for me. Poor old 'Myra' with her 'string beans' and 'spit up' and 'cranky fussy baby'.

I have never read that book. There is a lot I need to read!

I think the whole pregnancy, birth, aftermath of birth and slog of childcare still comes as a shock to some women - it did to me anyway!

SardineQueen

Has there been a recent thread on good books for Women? Both fiction and non?
I really do recommend Marilyn French's 'The Women's Room' for many reasons but it was SO of its time too. There's loads of cheap copies on Amazon.

There are loads of threads on here recommending books and there is a monthly book club as well. Would you like me to point you in the right direction?

I will add that book to my enormous amazon wish list - thank you!

Thank you Sardine.

That'd be good; save navigating time. I love my Amazon list, compiling it is nearly as much fun as buying.

here you go there is a whole topic! You will find the current book club there and also there are threads with recommendations.

Thank you. I'll enjoy that.