The woman behind the mum?

[Combinearvester]

Another well known parenting site is running a photo competition to find pictures that represent 'the woman behind the mum'. I use this site fairly frequently and find it useful especially for local stuff, so I don't want to enter into a discussion about the site itself. However I was pretty surprised to read the following ideas suggested by the website team for photos 'that make you you':

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• A photo of how you relax - your fluffy slippers, a bar of your favourite chocolate and a big glass of wine
• An image of you in your favourite outfit that makes you feel good about yourself (could be your oldest most comfy jeans or a lovely new top)
• A photo of your favourite pair of shoes (could be your scruffy Converse or your glamorous knee-high boots)
• A picture of you out with your girlfriends having fun and just being you
• A photo of your new haircut or styled hair that makes you feel a million dollars
• A close-up photo of your lips showing your favourite lipstick that makes you feel like you again. Or maybe a snap of your DIY or professional manicure

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Am I being old fashioned or are they bloody awful?

I've always been told that stilettos are what men want women to wear when stomping all over them.

But hey, whatever floats your boat. If hobnail boots do it for you...

Christ if even women's websites talk down to women like this and expect buy-in to this crap about lipstick making you feel human again, what hope is there really.

Also viz the hobnail thing. It's so bloody egotistical. This is women talking to other women about women. Men aren't involved in this, being stomped on or not, petulant little thing. Go and make the tea there's a dear.

It's actually a bit creepy. Woman = sexy, looks good, pampers herself in order to attract man. Mother = none of the above, mating done, priority looking after kids. This is a bit 'can you still attract a mate?' What about all the other stuff about people/women, you know, that isn't about mating?

Its about saying " i might be a mum but i can still look sexy,glamourous And attracive to men". So dont wory men, although our children are our first propiroty, you come a VERY CLOSE second. When we are nit thinking of ur kids we spend our spare time looking groomed and glamourous for YOU

Also not sure why being a parent is my main image and all the other things are " behind" ie less importamt

Could i be the artist behind the company director or the runner behind the gardenenr? Wht am i defined by being a parent? No one ever ask my dh questions like this

KristinaM, the male equivalent (such as an article in a weekend paper) is much more likely to be "The Dad behind the Businessman/Politician/Sportsman/Whatever".

This stunt smacks of Overseeing to me - making sure that women keep within one of the Patriarchally Approved Boxes for Women.

I must admit I also dislike the vague implication that being a woman and being a mum are somehow mutually exclusive. For me, being a mum is part of my womanhood. I haven't lost any of my womanhood by being a mum; I've added to it.

Gawd, how awful and mindless and fluffy. How about a photo of me at the bench with my lab coat and glass on? Or giving a kick-ass presentation on the cool things I've discovered? Or out running through a couple of feet of mud and water with my dogs and a huge grin on my face? You know, stuff that isn't even remotely about how I look. FFS.

I've just had a look. Oddly, most of the pictures seem to be of either the women being a mum, with child in shot, or just of their children. How is that revealing anything about women-behind-mum? There are a few of excellent women doing kick-arse things on there though.

I am mostly in awe of the women who appears to be making a huge basket of fake flowers or similar with a hands-free breastfeeding baby perched in her lap.

Actually it's really buying into that idea that mothers don't do anyhting except mothering isn't it, and that if they do, they are in fact irresponsible slappers. How often do you get men coming on here telling us to get off the interweb and go and look after our children? How often do you get men assuming that because you're a mother, you can't possibly have a sex drive? The phrasing of this plays right into it.

A friend of mine is a policewoman, I'm really tempted to get a picture of her disarming a suspect for this one!!!

I think I'd have to upload a photo of me in hard hat & steel toe cap boots....I actually hate wearing them but it's the most symbolistic representation of me I can think of.

what is starting to irritate me a lot is this idea that women have "girlfriends" like some sort of fasion accessory.
Female friendships actually threaten the patriarchy a lot. Lesbian relationships definitely do, which is why they're reviled so much. IF girls were taught at an early age that their best friend is the one she should move in with for life, not a man, women would be a lot better off and this revolution would move forward more quickly. Women would also have a lot more fun and a lot less grief. No chance of being beaten, raped or murdered in your own home if you live with your best mate or a group of friends. And let's be honest, the best laughs your ever going to get in your life are with your female friends. Those belly laughs, I mean.
All this "shopping with girlfriends" is a concerted effort of trivializing the relationships women have with other women so that they believe the MAIN relationship in their life is Their Man.

did you see the study that the older women get the more likely they are to identify as lesbian or bisexual? i only saw an isn't-it-funny type report on it but it seemed to suggest that the fact women have such close relationships with each other all their lives is why they then start to contemplate sexual relationships with other women (probably cause by the time you get to 50 you also realise there is no such thing as the-man-who-will-make-you-happy).

and since i rarely wear make-up, or slippers, or get my hair done and wouldn't wish to be identified by my shoes there's clearly not much of me here behind the mum...

I like the one with the ballet shoe and the big boot!