Fem 11 de-brief thread

[EleanorRathbone]

Here it is.

The pizza was excellent. The company was great. It was great to meet up with you all. I had a whale of a time. Even though I didn't get to the workshops I wanted to because I was too busy queuing for the loo.

So what came out of it for everyone? We were discussing this a bit afterwards and what I realised, is that many of the regulars here are a lot further along on their feminist "journey" (dreadful X Factor word), than many self-identified feminists. I knew that anyway, but given that it was a feminist conference and there were what seemed to me to be feminism for starters issues coming up there, it made me realise

a) that even on the feminist spectrum, I'm on the radical end (who knew? )

and

b) there is a new generation of feminists just starting on their journey who are motivated enough even at this beginning stage, to go to a feminist conference (I wouldn't have done in my twenties). This makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and optimistic. On one level, it's really great that so many women who really haven't engaged that much with the meaty issues that make you drop your cognitive dissonance and liberate you, are engaging with feminism rather than rejecting it out of hand because they're too invested in their denial to go there. That's actually good news. But I'm a glass half full kind of gal...

What has been going on with occupy?

I enjoyed the event, although it's never quite right is it?!

I had my baby DD with me, & we went to the Abortion Rights seminar in the morning. On the way out, another audience member thanked me for coming - "it's so nice to see a mum at an abortion thing" . I nearly spat nails at her, then swallowed them & realised she was trying to say a nice thing. Would you have been pissed off at that remark or am I being unfair?

Rilla that is a bizarre comment! I doubt they meant anything by it. Probably went away thinking "WTF did I say that for? I should have just said that's a nice baby"!

Oh I wouldn't take that ocmment as meaning that women get stupid when they have babies - I imagine that a lot of people think mothers are more likely to be anti-abortion because they have carried babies in their wombs and know what it's like to be pregnant and bond with the baby. I imagine that's what she meant (but I'm in a charitable mood )

Maybe we should start an feMNinst City meetup? I am a boohiss banker, and manage to still also be a feminist and a mum without too much inner conflict. It seems a shame that we should feel compelled to give up what influence and financial clout we have achieved.

Oh that's what I thought the bad interpretation was too eleanor. I didn't even think of the "mums are thick" option.

I would love to go to feMNist meet ups (children allowing). I gave up my proper job when I had children and am trying to get back now, but it is so hard. I feel like a really bungled it.

Am up for SaF's idea and any meetups generally TBH.

I mentioned it once at work and it was serious tumbleweeds!

You may have seen the East London Feminist (ELF) contingent there which started on this very board, but I struggle to make it to the meetings due to childcare.

Maybe we could have some quick fix feminism at lunchtimes?

That's the way to success in the city!

@ feminist power-lunches

OMG Belle - I am so shocked about the creche thing - how awful for you. I thought the women running it were really capable but I was really annoyed that there were no activities or toys for the children tbh. If I'd known I would have a) paid for the creche if that was the issue or b) brought some more stuff. Thankfully the careworkers were very imaginative so it wasn't really a problem but it wasn't what I was expecting.

Rilla - I think I saw you outside the Abortion workshop - was your baby very young in a sling? I think I may have given you a gooey look

For me, the comment you got and the way the creche was organised is where the whole gap between younger and older women was obvious. Otherwise, wasn't really an issue.

swc - I'm an ex-City person so I'm heartened to hear you had such a positive response from colleagues - I'm not sure I would have done :)

Yes, I would happily have contributed for the creche if they had asked. It could do with a bit more thought for next year as it really makes or breaks the event who bring children.

Maybe even feminist slogan painting for the little ones?

Ok, I've emailed KB about the creche thing. I don't want them to think I am complaining for the sake of it - I know funds are tight etc.

I can't remember what it was called Something to do with misogyny and porn culture. I feel really bad actually because I meant ages ago to write up my notes on it and I haven't yet!

The creche thing sounds awful. Really needs tightening up another time.

What was the older/younger woman thing? As a younger woman with a child I'd be interested as I often find myself weirdly placed partly in both groups and not quite fitting in either.

In retrospect I think I did mean that I sensed more of a mother/non-mother split rather than age, it's just that the two seem almost synonymous.

Ime the younger/ childless feminists dont even register childcare/ childbirth/ breastfeeding/ maternity leave and pay/ pregnancy discrimination at work/ unequal distribition of housework/ single motherhood/ cits to family benefits/ post split custody disputes/ pnd as feminist issues.

Personally these issues are much more important (to me) than circular arguments about porn/ prostitution/ involving men in feminism which takes the energy away from the issues which are part of the daily lives of almost every woman at some point in her life.

I found an old record of a feminist conference in the 80s, there were 300 women and 150 children there. Compare that with the 1000 women and what, 20? Kids at this event. Unfortunately 21st c feminism isnt hearing mothers' voices.

Yes Helvetica you're right, I think the split is probably more about being in a different place in your life

That is a very big difference. I expect some of it is down to husbands/partners being more willing to cover childcare now than then, but still.

Actually that's true, I've just realised, there was nothing about motherhood was there? Bugger all

Well next time the mumsnet feminists should run a workshop. Seriously. We're a virtual version of other groups that do such stuff and the perspective here is really enlightening re motherhood and feminism (not just that of course)