A game of 'Feminist is happening here'

[TheGrassIsJewelled]

Inspired by the 'It's like Feminism never happened', here is, I hope, a positive thread for the small and big daily triumphs that prove feminism is happening.

My only one is a tad petty - I'm refusing to fall into the 'nagging wife' stereotype, so after asking a couple of times (hard to tell where nagging starts), I do the job myself. (Aware that actually this means I'm doing more, rather than less, wifework, but it's a baby step!).

Vamos!

Sorry to be negative, but isn't it the purpose of the nagging wife stereotype to get you to do the job yourself?

Like the idea of a thread for positive triumphs though.

i told my DD that of course she could be a fire woman after her nursery visit to a fire station where there were NO female workers and the idea of female fire fighters was not even brought up. She quite fancies part time fire fighter, part time vet and part time dancer.

I know, giyados. It's not really that great a triumph - unlike weeonion's.

I don't want to have to nag (and generally don't have to), so decided that from now on I would just take charge instead.

weeonion I want the same job split as your DD

TGIJ - so do I though her dancing is probably better than mine!

My 12 year old niece has gone from wanting to be 'thin' when she grew up (conversation with her at age 6 that made me want to cry). She now wants to do a maths degree and is looking at old O level books. Not strictly a feminist thing (and not my triumph) but I'm so happy and proud of her.

I am a fundraiser and our fundraising company updated their form - I made them change 'Housewife' to 'Stay at home parent' as a) I hate the word housewife and it's connotations and b) 1 in 7 stay at home parents are dads.

Recently DDs school was visited by the Sexual Assault Services who spoke about consent - no meaning no and so on. This sparked a lot of conversation about rape myths at home. One of my DDs, 14yo, had to do a project this week based on human rights. She did her project on Slutwalks.

She is really disappointed that we are going to be away interstate when the local Slutwalk takes place here in a couple of week's time.

DH has discovered that baking scones with the children is not some mysterious feminine thing that only a mother can do, but in fact is quite easy and fun.

Ha ha, I'll have him patchwork quilting next!

Dd - whose sparkly pink stage depressed me - has decided (age 5) that she no longer wants to wear anything pink, sparkly or skirt-like. She insisted in shopping in the boys section of H&M at the weekend and chose some lovely, bright, cheerful stuff - it's interesting how the boys stuff is actually often un-gendered in the way the girls isn't.

TheGrassIsJewelled: only read OP, and I like the idea of a positive thread, but I don't agree that that's a triumph.

I hate nagging too, but just doing the job myself is something I personally find demeaning. My words have been unheard or wilfully ignored.

Great idea for a thread. The other day I spoke up about potential games to be played at a baby shower... (holding a toy baby whilst practicing putting the washing up etc (bleughhh)) and pointed out it was interesting that you don't see men/Dad's playing stupid games and practicing household chores, and that surely friends to get together to celebrate their friends baby/pregnancy in other ways. The room went a bit silent but I think I got a few people thinking!

I've never found a solution to the 'not-nagging' though!

I bought this book for DS (aged 2) and have been getting him involved in every household chore. DD (6) chose this Tshirt from Debenhams boys department and has worn it every day after school. She told me that it means there are no limits for her as a girl so I guess my repetitive 'yes you can be a farmer/fireman/policeman/truck driver. No its not a boys job' is working.

I am trying to challenge the assumption that on the title registers to a house, the man's name automatically comes first.

I'm a property lawyer, so can draft the transfer deeds as I see fit (within the law, obvs). I've done it a couple of times so far

What you've described isn't feminism happening OP.

The nagging wife stereotype is created by men so women feel that they haven't got the right to assert their rights in relationships and get men to do their fair share of the work.

Unfortunately you've fallen for it. You're more worried about being a fake stereotype than you are about asserting yourself with your husband. Feminism happening would you be refusing to do any of it, or deciding to dump the guy who treats you like his unpaid servant.

Actually I think we don't help ourselves. On a fundamental level women are hard wired to be nurturers and carers so we tend to naturally fall into that drudgery role, HOWEVER, before you start biting me head off, we have to stand up to these namby pamby men who no doubt have spolit by their mummies (and let's face it many mummies on this forum namby pamby their sons).

I have trained my DH to do his bit over the past 9 years. He now agrees that I know everything, make the best decisions and am always right! .

Example of namby pamby mummies and their pampered sons.

Swimming with 7 year old DD, puts her own shoes on, and I half help her to tie her shoe laces, and she did most if it herself.

2 Namby pamby mummies not only tied shoes laces but put socks and shoes on too! What hope for my 3 very capable & independent Dd's.

Feminism, yes when mothers stop monnycoddling their DS's.

Hi goodkate, I haven't seen any evidence yet that convinces me about that kind of hardwiring.

Feminism is happening on a small scale every time somebody talks to me about single mothers or working mothers or stay at home mothers or anything mothers, and I reply in a way that raises the point that fathers are parents too. Can't think of an example, but it's quite painless and doesn't labour the point beyond making them aware (I hope) of how used we are to talking about parenthood as a woman's responsibility.

We're not hardwired to nurture.
Or at least, if we are no-one has yet found any evidence despite a lot of people looking very hard.

Goodkate, if you're interested in this, Delusions of Gender is a v good and funny book debunking the pseudoscience about the difference between men's and women's brains.

I don't agree - sorry. Women just seem more bothered, even though it's s f drudgery. And I said don't bite my head off - I'm a feminist myself and it saddens me greatly that women continue to pamby their sons like they do cos it just make men expect their Dw, OH etc to be their effing mummies too.

Anyhow fat is a feminist issue and I've just and a big piece of lemon Swiss roll Yummy , which will probably keep my awake and oh bugger I've already cleaned my teeth. funnily enough Germaine is on the television.

Now that was a weird sentence

goodkate generalising about mothers of boys, much?

For what it's worth I don't pamby my ds- he puts on his own shoes and socks, hoovers the floor regularly and is made to clean up his own mess when ever he makes one. I want him to totally domesticated as women of his generation wont be standing for men who are incapable of looking after themselves. I also teach him to be responsible for tidying up after himself rather than saying 'thanks for helping mummy'. He's two.

Yeh probs but I see it all the time and it gets right on my nerves. Anyway I'm sure I don't know what I'm talking about as I only DD.

Going to bed now - too much lemon Swiss role me thinks

Janet you are a god send - I wish more mothers were like you. Can in have your number ow, book an appt for 25 years ish?

Where I work, we had a 'mixed up clothing' day - someone said that cross dressing might not be appropriate (it's a school for kids age 4 to 14), so I went in a mansuit, and a male colleague went in a skirt. EVERY member of management was fine with the idea of men & women choosing their own clothes, however unconventional.

Also, dd (also at the school I work at) loves science, snakes, space & other 'male' things. her best friend at school is a boy. These things are seen as GOOD in the eyes of her teachers & they encourage her to explore her interests. (she also like everything pink, which is also fine by them)

I heart my school - I've yet to come across anything 'different' enough to really upset the staff (parents are another issue). Two mum families are relatively 'normal', and trans-gender kids (self identified) get nothing but support & can wear what they want.