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Original poster

Is it less socially acceptable for women to be geeky?

87 replies

mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 09:25

The reason I ask is because I am both a geek and a SAHM and I have yet to meet any mums like me.

I suspect that there are some, but they are not as open about it as I am. This makes me wonder if there is a certain amount of societal pressure for women not to be seen in that fashion.

So, I suppose the real question is, if this is the case, why? Thoughts?

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 19/10/2011 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LimburgseVlaai · 19/10/2011 12:31

I think of myself as nerdy/geeky, in the sense that I do programming for a living, I like patterns in data and straight lines in my house, am into grammar and the structure of language, love Bach, etc. I hate shopping, don't wear makeup, don't like much pop music other than 70s funk, and like doing codeword puzzles. At home I am the one who does the flatpack furniture and the electronics. When I was a teen I looked pretty weird (sort of punky but not a punk - I didn't want to belong to a tribe). I am definitely not into computer games because I use a computer for work, and I hate Star Wars. I think I still qualify as a geek though.

Most of the mums I know probably consider me a bit ... different, for those reasons. But I am still friends with them - I just don't do shopping trips with them. It does also make it easier to speak to some of the dads - I think they appreciate me more than some of the more 'homey' women.

So to answer the op: as far as I'm concerned, it's perfectly socially acceptable to be a geek - as long as you don't have a chip on your shoulder about it, and as long as you are yourself.

stickylittlefingers · 19/10/2011 12:33

they sound lovely! I'm lucky I have a mathmo SIL, so she has lots of dice too and can indulge in dice appreciation. DP also built himself a dice tower. We are a sad geeky lot, but we're happy :)

TheRealTillyMinto · 19/10/2011 12:44

i like straight lines too. i was on a busy station recently & i stood on an odd bit of the platform & noticed and extremely long straight line & thought it is a privilege to see such a thing! it went on & on & if you did not stand at the right point, you would be oblivious to it.

a privilege! tonight i am going to try to find it again....

.....good looking men bulging in their tight fitting outfits.....

Goldenbrown1981 · 19/10/2011 12:49

I don't think being a geek at all is "socially acceptable" although it is getting more so. I agree with those who have already said, being a female geek is made harder by the fact that ale geeks are generally less welcoming to female geeks, often seeing the as a target rather than one of the crowd and you need to fight against this. A woman walking into a shop like forbidden planet or similar is often greeted with the "OMG It's a GIRL" glances, unless you are a regular.

However, I believe a large part of the problem here is other woman geeks who don't like other woman invading their turf, you see it all the time in the RP world (Waves at her mate from RP who she knows will be reading this thread at some point and has almost certainly worked out who she is by now) girls with gangs of boys who they see as their property and get very protective if another woman lurks too closely, we are our own worst enemies.

Once you are accepted into the geek world, you suddenly become just "one of the lads" which is a title I'm not sure i want either.

Original poster
mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 13:11

Try going in Forbidden Planet whilst heavily pregnant-was looking for Tim Powers books.
I don't think I have a chip on my shoulder, I just don't hide my geekiness is all.

BedatHogwarts, a solid copper d12? Brilliant! I can never resist shiny dice as a result of which I have two d20s knocking about in my purse.

Maud I'm a SAHM so not in your field, but you've intrigued me. Tell me about what you do.

OP posts:
STIDW · 19/10/2011 13:34

I agree with Goldenbrown. Until quite recently I was a chartered engineer and have always been accepted as one of the boys and other women don't like it. I've not worked with other women in this country but I have in Europe and Scandinavia where there seems to be more women engineers and it isn't such a huge issue.

MaudLebowski · 19/10/2011 13:46

Mumwithdice, I'm a sahm too at the moment, but I'm still doing a bit of consultancy work on the side. I'm a sap assessor, which means I produce those energy certificates with the coloured stripes on that you might have seen in public buildings. I also advise developers on green power and insulation. I quite enjoy it and being able to work from home is a godsend!

I have a dice collection too but no chance to use them, I can't believe I used to have time to role-play one afternoon a week going into the evening, now half an hours peace and quiet feels like a luxury!

Original poster
mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 13:54

Maud that's really neat!

What system did you roleplay in?

OP posts:
NormanTebbit · 19/10/2011 13:59
STIDW · 19/10/2011 14:04

:) NormanTebbit

MrsChemist · 19/10/2011 14:09

There were 50+ men on my computing course and three women.

One of them was out to "collect the whole set" of girls on the course

He failed.

I've found that since having DCs, I think don't have time for MMOs, RPGs etc. I can't stay up until five in the morning playing Arkham Horror when I've got to look after the childebeest all day.
I do feel that I've lost a bit of myself though. I've just started an OU course just to make me feel like I'm not just a mother.

MrsChemist · 19/10/2011 14:15

Goldenbrown, a "delightful" fellow's first words to me when meeting a new D&D group were, "A girl? Playing D&D?"
then pulling a face as if the mere presence of a vagina in the room offended him greatly.

Original poster
mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 14:21

MrsChemist what a total idiot. To anyone considering joining a D&D group, not all men who play D&D are like that. When I first joined an all male D&D group, my being female made no difference and I was welcomed as a fellow RPGer.

My DD is 10 months old. I still have a vague ambition in my head to try to set up a mum and babies D&D group. I think it would be fun.

OP posts:
LindenAvery · 19/10/2011 14:53

I know plenty of women, including some mothers, who would be classed as geeky by the points above - owning collections of multi-sided dice (ok, that's me), playing Cthulu Mythos, running a steampunk jewellery business, attending Buffy cons, writing slashfic (or whatever it's called), but unlike most of their male counterparts, they have some concept of personal hygiene, are capable of conversing about subjects other than obscure 1980s horror movies, and are no longer virgins.

See I agree with the above - and I class myself as a geek (name gives it away really) but only by my actions and not necessarily how I look?

MaudLebowski · 19/10/2011 15:18

"childebeest" arf!

I'd be up for the mum's d&d group, the babies would chow down on the dice though wouldn't they, perfect size and such tasty looking colours!

I did a masters as a mature student a couple of years ago and totally freaked out the roleplaying soc at uni. Such fun, but then I gave myself a stern telling off for cramping the 18yr old boy geeks 'style'. It also occurred to me that past me 15 years ago would think current me was a saddo so I got back in my box.

I've played a bit of most things, and graduated to LARP, but don't tell anyone, even amonst geeks it's probably a bridge too far (but so much fun)

I know what you mean about losing yourself mrschemist, I'm quite tempted by some OU maths myself, so best of luck with that.

Original poster
mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 15:24

I have big dice and am trying to make a plush d20 for DD to roll. Maybe that would be a solution?

I thought if a bunch of mums and babies played, we could ask each other to roll our dice if we were baby-chasing.

Where are you, Maud? I'm a Londoner.

OP posts:
MrsChemist · 19/10/2011 15:35

I think you can buy plush 20Ds.
Also, the rest of the D&D (all male) were lovely and the GM did apologised on his behalf. He was a right weirdo, to be fair.

Original poster
mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 15:40

Really, MrsChemist, where?
Also, I am relieved to hear that the rest of your group was sensible.

To get the thread back on a more feminist track, one of the things I like about D&D is that it is your stats that make a difference not your sex. However, it drives me bonkers that all the illustrations feature bare-midriffed women-that is the dumbest place not to have armour covering you.

OP posts:
MaudLebowski · 19/10/2011 17:27

I'm in rural Lincolnshire, miles away from anything except sugar beet!
The illustrations in the books are always a bit questionable aren't they, I don't think anyone thought of a female Market for rp games. Vampire must be popular with a wide audience after all that twilight business though.

Maybe that's a gap in the Market, rp for girls, but it would just end up either riddled with stereotypes or so right on as to be no fun whatsoever.

Original poster
mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 17:30

It might be an intro to rping though.

OP posts:
MrsChemist · 19/10/2011 20:26

plush die

Practically all females in all RPGs wear unsuitable clothing. Their male counterparts will be in armour that makes them look like walking tanks, while the females wear an adaptation of Princess Leia's gold bikini.

Realistically, every roll should be "roll perfect 20 to not get stabbed in your fleshy exposed stomach"

SolidGoldVampireBat · 19/10/2011 20:58

Despite the frankly startling public ullulation over Steve Jobs dying, geeks of any gender are still seen as a bit unacceptable by mundanes. I'm not terribly geeky myself (a bit of a div with computers, hate Star Wars, haven't played D&D for 20 years... love obscure feminist sword and sorcery, have been known to hang out with LARPers, have a few prog rock records... erm, OK.) but I am 'wierd' (morris dancing, BDSM, heritage railways, dress sense that has had people tryingto give me makeovers all my life) and I am still not quite over the awful culture shock of DS's toddler days when I had to take him to toddler groups and had nothing in common with anyone.

AMumInScotland · 19/10/2011 21:06

Do prog rock records count as geeky then? I was giving myself quite a moderate geek-rating, but prog rock would certainly increase my tally by a fair bit....

allveryodd · 19/10/2011 21:49

(hurriedly namechanges)

Am loving SGVB's distinction between geeky and weird! I reckon I'm more on the "weird" side. And definitely remember the culture shock when I joined our local NCT Mums Group with my baby. It was not at all like my RPGing friends. No siree.

The MNers I have met, however, are waaaaaay more interesting than the NCT mums group. Same goes for the people in my local feminist group, many of whom are far geekier than I.

Or possibly MNs/feminists are just more likely to declare slightly obscure and not entirely patriarchy-compliant interests :-)

Needless to say, the NCT Mums Group no longer counts me as a member!

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