Anyone been to Relate

[northernruth]

Sorry to put this in here rather than "relationships" but my reason for wanting to go is about share of the domestic labour and the constant rage I feel at DH for not stepping up and my ongoing disappointment in myself for what I have turned into.

Anyone been to relate for issues over division of labour etc/ who carries what burden when you both work etc and how did it go?

I'm just finishing a sabbatical from work and dreading the rows etc that will ineveitably ensue.

a) don't be tempted to compare him and how much he does to other men and how much they do and keep comparing him to you and how much you do - he doesn't get to measure his contribution by scummy men, he gets to measure his contribution by you

b) tell him he's not to compare himself and how much he does, with other men, who are crap, but to compare himself and how much he does, with you.

Basically men always point to worse men than them and say "look how much better I am than him". And htere's always a man he's better than, because so many of them are exploiting the women they live with. It's a bit like alcoholics looking around to find someone who drinks more than them, so that they can validate their own drinking. Sod that.