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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Help. I am feeling a little depressed. Someone give me some hope, please

7 replies

Lifeissweet · 14/08/2011 01:17

I am pregnant and, admittedly, I am a little hormonal (and can't sleep), but i am just getting really upset about all sorts of things on mn at the moment. I think I might have to take a break for a while.

I am terrified of having a daughter because I just know I wouldn't be able to protect her from all the crap women go through.

On here today I have read the usual kinds of things, but today they have upset me. I am talking about idle husbands who expect women to do everything and seemingly intelligent women talking about how men watch porn because they need an outlet for their insatiable sexual appetites and all that crap about them being 'more visual' than women (is there even any research to prove that, by the way?)

Can someone just tell me that I'm not going to bring someone into the world who is going to be belittled and spend her future life chasing after an entitled man, who's too busy watching porn to do the laundry?

(I know I'm being a bit OTT, but please indulge me. I can't sleep)

OP posts:
Kione · 14/08/2011 01:39

I have a 22 month old daughter. All I can do is bring her up to be a strong intelligent woman who won't stand for too much shit. She will have some, we all have been in love with the hottest guy at school, but didn't get a trauma by being rejected by him. World is not that bad, honest.

Teach her mother love, father love, friends, gradnparents, she'll be fine, even if you shout at her then and again. Be there, be present.

About porn, sorry but I think its ok to watch it, being a man, woman whatevr, much better with a partner. Have you never watched it?? Its normal! not too earlu of course, you know what I mean.

She will be fine.

BonnieLassie · 14/08/2011 01:42

Both men and women have to put up with crap. Stop being sexist.

Matronalia · 14/08/2011 02:33

I think if you model good relationships to her and talk to her as she gets older there is less chance of her ending up with an idle man. I have a relationship very similar to my parents which is based on kindness, mutual respect and friendship and as much equality as we can manage. I am up this late as DH is on holiday this week, he baked me a batch of meringues and took over the care of DS (I'm usually a SAHM while he works quite long hours) and cleaned the house. He suggested I stay up late and get some peace and quiet and he'll deal with DS tomorrow too while I sleep late. Shows he really knows what makes me happy. Similarly I do things for him and the kids see this sort of relationship all the time and see it as normal. I dumped a couple of potential boyfriends along the way when I saw undesirable signs in them.

I have an issue with porn too but DH considers himself a feminist and is pretty anti-porn too. I know a lot of people believe that all men watch porn and that he is lying to me, but that seems insulting to men who have thought about these matters and do care about these things.

There are some pretty good groups and blogs you might like to look at:

I think all the facebook groups have blogs/websites as well etc as well.

My DD is 6 and is a confident happy little girl who has no problem standing up for herself and defending her choices. I don't know how much of that is down to me but I have done everything I can to support her choices e.g. letting her chodse her clothes (mostly boys clothes atm) and toys (cars and Dr Who mainly) and trying to let her be herself and make her own decisions about these things. We didnt have a pink phase with her, but it looks like its coming in hard and strong with DS, who is perhaps responding to the lack of the colour in the house! DH is desperately hoping DD will be a scientist like him and is encouraging every interest that way, lots of 'experiments' on window sills around here! I have noticed that she really responds to books and DVDs with girls as the main characters so I have made the effort to surround her with those and I am trying to be as positive and happy about my body as I can around her.

It'll be fine, daughters are lovely, so are sons. I have a lot of confidence that my children will make wise choices and be happy.

I hope that makes sense, I have been awake too long I think!

KRIKRI · 14/08/2011 13:13

Bonnie Lassie - not a helpful comment at all.

Great advice from Matronalia I think and some links that hopefully will be encouraging for you. Even though Kione says porn is "normal," if it's not normal for you, then it isn't "normal" full stop. Believe me, not all men find it "normal" either.

It is saddening that there are so many negative influences out there that impact on both boys and girls - things beyond parents' control. But, I honestly think the key is raising a child to think for themselves, to question, to analyse, to be able to make informed decisions, and it's never too early to start with that. Then, when faced with some of the bullshit, they won't automatically swallow it wholesale. Building self-respect and resilience is the key. The fact that you are already concerned about this bodes well I think. You won't just "let stuff" happen and your wee one will gain so much from having such a supportive, loving and clued-up parent.

Best of luck and hope you'll be feeling in a happier frame of mind soon.

fluffles · 14/08/2011 18:56

she will model the behaviour and relationships she sees around her. her family will be around her more than anybody else in her younger years when she is most susceptible to absorbing messages.

it will be ok.

we are all here and all feminist aren't we? Grin

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 14/08/2011 19:00

My daughter is 20, and she and her friends are filled with confidence and hope for the future. They have friends of both genders and are lovely young women who are choosing their own paths.
You will shape your daughter, and help her learn what choices are out there and how to make good ones.
You don't mention your partner?

swallowedAfly · 14/08/2011 20:41

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