Abuse and control - it's OK if it's in the interests of preserving monogamy...

[solidgoldbrass]

Inspired by this thread OK women telling other women to put up with abuse because 'you need to work at relationships if you have children' is not uncommon, but the one that gets me every time is this idea that abuse, control, totally unreasonable behaviour is all fine if you are worried that your partner might breach monogamy.

I agree very much with that last point SGB - if you choose to stay with someone it is presumably because you like them and think that your life will be more pleasant with them in it. So try to act like it.

XH worked hard to preserve my monogamy as well. Bit of a wasted effort, you might say, as I had no intention of straying. I didn't even have a past ffs (late developer, bit shy with the opposite sex). It didn't stop him going on about the past I might have had though! I said look, if I'd done anything before we met, it would be nothing at all to be ashamed of, so I would tell you. The reason I'm "denying it" is because it didn't happen. I found myself wishing I had had one so that I'd have something to tell him about. Eventually I did start up an internet flirtation - long, long after I'd been accused of it - and felt a massive relief at "confessing" that I really was doing something wrong at last. This of course was the beginning of a nervous breakdown, but more importantly, it was the beginning of my finally getting out of that ghastly excuse for a marriage. And now I'm 52 years old and stout and have no eyelashes and he's still the only man I've ever got it together with. This annoys me sometimes, but I'm blowed if I'll go and get laid just for the sake of it as he would then still be dictating my behaviour. (Plus I'm still rather unconfident with the opposite sex.)

As far as I know he didn't cheat, but it would amuse the life out of me if I were ever to find out that he had.