Can we DO something about the awful system in this country WRT courts and access to children after divorce?

[BertieBotts]

I've heard one too many awful story now. Why the hell are we letting children down, forcing access with abusive ex partners, even when the children don't want it, making it difficult to gain supervised contact when supervised has already been given, forcing the resident parent (mainly mothers) to make their children available for contact, getting their hopes up and doing NOTHING when the NRP breaks that same contact order by not turning up for weeks on end, causing considerable distress to the children involved. NRPs being allowed to refuse to bring children home if they are repeatedly showing prolonged distress at being away from their main carer. It being extremely difficult to reduce contact or restart it off slowly, regardless of the age of the child, even if the parent has good reason to want to do this.

I understand there are bitter ex-partners who will try to deny their ex access to the children because of personal differences or spats, but seriously? Are there that many that we need a court system which immediately assumes all resident parents are conniving and bitter and all NRPs are loving and involved? Or is this just another fucking media frenzy like how common so-called "false rape accusations" are?

The only research I can find about male/female DV says that 40% are men, so not as likely. In addition to that I do wonder what sort of DV men are subjected to over women, if I slapped my DH's arm he wouldn't flinch (he's a huge 6ft, built like a rugby player, I'm 5'1" and a size 8) if he slapped me I'd probably fall to the floor.

I am also confused about the research as the nature of abuse against men is supposed to be so 'emasculating' that it is taboo. I wonder who is admitting to this, or if men talk about violence against them for a lot less? I maybe completely wrong, but given that women are twice as likely to be killed I'm guessing that the violence against them is far more serious.

It's your right not to take an opinion seriously but you are not going to get anywhere without dialogue.

I support Male rights Womens rights and Childrens rights because we're all in this together.

If you take murder figures from the Home Office for 2010, women are 4x more likely to be killed by their partners than are men. 2 women a week compared to 0.5 men.

StewieGriffinsMom
Male Rights Activist is a specific term for a political movement who don't believe in equality for women.

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No it isn't, that's your opinion of what it is.

I've stated that I support Male/Women/ and Childrens rights based on equality.

Women should earn the same as Men do.

Stop making things up in your head.

Do we have further breakdown of those figures as I imagine that women killing their partners are more likely to be victims of DV as opposed to men.....again I'm guessing, but women killed by partners are not usually perpetrators of the violence, it is an escalation of violence and control.

You're wrong SGM.

Are you against Male rights?

Jenny was right wasn't she?

You're not fishing for an excuse why Women kill their partners PP ?

It's you who doesn't agree that a section of society doesn't need rights.

I stated that everyone needs rights.

So obviously yours is the radical irrelevant view.

Why don't you think Men deserve rights?

See I don't have a problem with the principle of men's rights - who else can we expect to fight for greater maternity rights, men's right to flexible working etc.

However, IME every men's rights group I have come across tends to claim the following:

1. That domestic violence is equally perpetrated by women and is just as violent (all citing the same small number of studies that have been heavily criticised by peer review for fatally flawed methodologies);

1. That women routinely lie about domestic abuse (if so you must believe that women are inherently more likely to lie than men, since the false reporting rate for most crime is less than 10%) and use it as a means of stopping decent men from seeing their children (no doubt a small number of women do, but this is hardly representative of the vast majority unless again you believe that women are inherently more likely than men to lie).

1. That women often make up false allegations about rape (less than 6% do, which is actually slightly less than the average false reporting rate for any crime), while conveniently forgetting that if only 6% are false, then 94% are true, so a conviction rate of 6% is utterly appalling. Men's rights to rape with impunity may not exist in the theory of law, but it seems to be doing a pretty good job of it in practice.

These groups spend more time trying to spout misogynistic drivel than they do championing any new rights for men - it all seems to be about defending ancient rights to rape, abuse and retain control.

Decent men everywhere are being done a huge disservice by them and they would do well to fight back against them, either themselves as a genuine men's rights movement or even by joining forces with feminists.

Some would say that decent Women are being done a disservice by radical Feminism.

Do you agree that every section of society should have the right to rights?

I didn't mention a group in particular I mentioned an ideal.

Women should have rights.

Men should have rights

Children should have rights.

(Not in any particular order)

And now the walls are banged up and age old stats and accusations are levelled because I had the audacity to suggest Men are deserving of rights.

I think lurkers can google for themselves SGM.

They don't need you telling them that Men shouldn't have rights.

Wow. Talk about projection.

organic - you seem to have a pathological hatred of stats. Why is that? OK, lies, damn lies and all that, but if you want to have an intelligent debate about something you need to know the facts. You can't just base it on opinion and anecdotal evidence. Most research tends to lead to the production of statistics. They may not be perfect but they are better than making up any old untruths that could be hugely damaging.

If I was being less charitable I'd say that it seems more that you hate any stats that are contrary to your opinions. If you are so sure what you're saying is right, you should be able to find your own evidence to back it up. PErhaps you may change your mind when you start examining evidence. I know I have in the course of my life. It's the sign of an open mind.

Another question: Do you accept the concept of the patriarchy and agree that it is in existence and still negatively affecting women?

I ask because if you do then you will understand that a patriarchal country such as Britain (despite being one of the most equal in the world in terms of equality of opportunity) still affords a HUGE advantage to one sex over the other.

We've seen Cameron talking about moral decline lately, with an emphasis on absent fathers. Do you think he will deal with this problem by chasing down absent fathers forcing them to pay and to step up to the mark? Or do you think it far more likely that he will continue to stigmatise single parents (92% of whom are women) and make the single parent life one of such financial hardship that it is more discouraged and so halts the rise in 'family breakdown'.

I know which one my money is on. Especially given the 10% slashing of the child care element of WTC, the freeze in CB and CTC, the 10% slash in HB, the introduction of charges and tax on maintenance...

Going back to AIBU and ITN to post in a section of opinionated but eclectic people.

You can have your sexist Man hating rights here and enjoy the fringe mentality your lack of success brings to you.

And i'm still laughing at Menz don't deserve rights.

So organic....please tell us all a little more about DV stats.

How many men end up in hospital? How many women? How many men/women suffer emotional and psychological abuse? How many men suffer marital rape? Or rape as we call it.

What rights are men lacking OG? Genuinely asking, leaving custody aside as most of us are aware of the stats, although there is a distinct lack of real research showing real injustices.

I absolutely agree that men are significantly more violent towards women than women are towards men. Although I am rather at the notion that women are doing it in retaliation as that smacks of victim-blaming.

I also absolutely agree that male-on-female sexual abuse is much, much more prevalent than female-on-male. The latter is not unknown but it is relatively rare. Using the word "rape" is disingenuous in this context, though, as I don't think a woman can legally rape a man.

I'd hazard a guess that the rates of male-on-female emotional abuse are a lot closer to those for female-on-male. But then I've never seen statistics for emotional abuse so that really is just a guess albeit one that is informed by the sorts of stories about abusive mothers, MILs, sisters, SILs etc you can read on MN and other similar sites.