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Original poster

Feminism and housework and hoarding and Flylady...

274 replies

solidgoldbrass · 30/07/2011 23:23

I would love to get some feminist perspective on this because I am struggling at the moment. I have always been a housework avoider, always had a messy house, and I used to say that it was a good way of making sure any man i shagged never got any ideas about me being a little home-maker for him.
It's gradually dawned on me that I actually have a bit of a problem WRT hoarding, and I would like to sort it out, I know some MNers love Flylady but one look at the site made me queasy because it seems so very much 'Women! Embrace housework, it';s your destiny.'
Any thoughts anyone?

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 31/07/2011 00:41

That's another useful idea I've read about SGB, if you're holding onto something 'in case', it's not actually being used, but if you give it to charity/freecycle/recycle then it's being useful, which is much nicer.

ninah · 31/07/2011 00:41

cross post!
I think it's the way it's stored, really
if there's some kind of system it's better. Not the fill suitcases and stash them system.

ninah · 31/07/2011 00:42

I have a skip outside which i am unable to fill
every time I put stuff in someone comes past in a van and takes it

Original poster
solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2011 00:47

I was also thrilled when an actual rag and bone man came round, horse and cart, the lot. I ran out of the house and asked him what he would take and he said anything metal, so got rid of old ironing board, broken bathroom stool and a couple of other things.
Actually one of my problems (after recognising that I have a Problem) is the practicalities of getting rid of things when you don't drive.

OP posts:
Continuum · 31/07/2011 00:57

Hire a skip? People take useful stuff out of it and you get to get rid of rubbish all in one go! And clearing things to chuck in a skip doesn't have the little woman doing housework connotations.

BitOfFun · 31/07/2011 00:59

Oh Ninah Sad, that must have been awful for you.

I'm glad I cleared it before my dad dies (he's 82), because it would be unbearably sad afterwards.

The thing is, he doesn't even know yet Blush. My mum begged me, because she needs the room for her sister who will be visiting from Oz next month. So he will find out before then. We will have to say it is in storage (which some of it is, to be fair).

Continuum · 31/07/2011 00:59

How did I miss the previous skip comment?!

My dad was a hoarder and we had to clear the house when he died. I think it helped cure me somewhat of my hoarding tendencies cos there just seemed so little point in it in the end.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 31/07/2011 00:59

OP, people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind.

Smile

I get what you mean about flylady. But it's not the only option if you do want to get rid of your crap.

ninah · 31/07/2011 01:03

it would def be trickier without a car. Skips are good, and we always get those charity bags through the door to put clothes in.
I think the feminist thing is a bit of a red herring. I dislike housework and am in no danger of stepfordification; on the other hand I wouldn't claim my disdain for the hoover is ideologically motivated, much as I'd like to
in the 50s women were told don't learn to type, or you'll end up as a secretary - now everyone needs keyboard skills. In the same way everyone needs to look after themselves. I don't have a partner to divide it with so in a way it's more clear cut, but I do expect my son to take as much responsibility for house tasks as my daughter (more, actually, as he's older)

ninah · 31/07/2011 01:07

bof do you think he will actually notice the extent of the clearing? I don't think hoarders really see the stuff anymore
when my dad was ill it used to really worry him knowing that all the stuff was there, in particular an antique not working piano (won't say where that is lol) and that someone would have to deal with it
your dad might not be as upset as you think? but referring to 'storage' is a good idea

BitOfFun · 31/07/2011 01:16

Oh, he will notice if he opens the door to the room. We redecorated too Grin. The thing is, he has only been able to open the door six inches for years, just enough to chuck another newspaper in.

BitOfFun · 31/07/2011 01:20

I totally understand the point Continuum makes too- it struck me going through it all that none of this accumulated stuff is important in the end. Would my dad really want to spend his last year (or twenty, judging by the amount) re-reading all his old books? I doubt it. So there's no point keeping them.

ninah · 31/07/2011 01:21

just keep a doorstop on the other side then Grin
or say Laurence Lllewellyn Bowen dropped by and you couldn't stop him ...
or simply 'surprise!'
he may be more pleased than you think. Hope it goes well!

BitOfFun · 31/07/2011 01:22

Thanks Grin

BitOfFun · 31/07/2011 01:28

Oh, and my mum took him away for the weekend, in case you are wondering how I accomplished this magical feat. There is no way it could have been done with him there.

I could offer my services to you, SGB? You take a nice trip somewhere, and come home to a haven of minimalism? I won't charge much!

ninah · 31/07/2011 01:29

no, no one looks at the stuff
we had trunks of mum's books from uni in the 50s, all smelly and spotted
it feels like a horrible invasion of privacy dealing with it, because it's like a window into that person's fears; it does give you a clear demonstration of how futile an exercise it is to keep all these things, which for me has been very positive
shame there was no gainsborough

ninah · 31/07/2011 01:31

now there's a service
come to think of it isn;t there tv based on this, too
life laundry?

Original poster
solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2011 01:38

I would so hate that though, someone going through all my stuff. (well I woulnd't mind if I was dead, obviously).
I must admit that I like my 'office' much better now it's tidier. And I love the idea of a skip, but don't they cost a fortune?

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsTootyFroots · 31/07/2011 01:42

Totally with you here.

I would love a tidy house, but I need all my stuff. I went around earlier with the intention of finding stuff to sell. Every item was vetoed by DH or I changed my mind.
I actually got a bit upset earlier when someone complained about their husband not clearing up after breakfast. I have never cleared up after breakfast. It takes at least a day for me to get around to it.

Housework is just so dull and repetitive.

BitOfFun · 31/07/2011 01:46

You can get a skip for about a hundred quid. Well worth it. We hired a van, which cost more, and I needed to arrange a special permit to actually dump the stuff. It was free though, which surprised me.

MillyR · 31/07/2011 01:53

I have done flylady in the past and I will start it again in October. I do think it works, as long as you do follow the steps and take it one step at a time, rather than rush in and believe you can blitz your house and resolve the problem in a week. So ignore most of the site (as the fly woman tells you to do) and just do the baby steps section one day at a time.

There are a couple of ways of looking at this in terms of feminism. Firstly, housework has to be done and so it is easier to do it as a system. The fact that it is done by women doesn't make it non-work, and work has to be organised. In that sense, fly lady is a good thing. Fly lady doesn't make you do more housework, she just gets you to do it in less stressed out, last minute before somebody arrives manner. Secondly, the issue of housework being done equally. That is something that couples either resolve or they don't. Doing or not doing fly lady is not going to make anybody's husband decided he is going to do an equal share.

As for clutter, I have a serious children's clothes problem. DS is 13 and most of his old clothes are still in the house. We have no attic space as it is his bedroom, so I have bags of 2 kids clothes on the landing, under my bed, under his bed. I need to sort it out. I'm not sure fly lady is going to be any help with that one.

Original poster
solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2011 02:15

OK I am single so it's not a matter of there being another adult in the house who is not helping. (In fact one of the many, many reasons I would not entertain DS' dad living with us is that he is even more of a slob than I am; the house would end up featured on Life of Grime - though to be fair he did just come round and rebuild the garden wall).

I suppose I am really struggling with the fact of being A Bit Unwell with regards to mess, not just charmingly bohemian or radically UnStepford. I would basically like my home to be clean and tidy without me having to do the work. And I have yet to see a way for that to happen without me growing a willy.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 31/07/2011 02:34

Even a single man with a willy has to clear his own shit up though. It doesn't seem like a feminist issue to me really. There are no fairies to clean up: somebody has to do it, and if you are single, that's you. I know it's boring and all that, but really, it just has to be done. I know you might think that at least your son isn't growing up believing that housework is what women do- but he is actually learning that nobody does it. Which won't endear him to anyone- flatmates or romantic partners.

Original poster
solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2011 02:41

Bof, yes I know. And what I'm having trouble with is the thing that I am just so rubbish at it that I must be a bit mad.

OP posts:
threefeethighandrising · 31/07/2011 03:00

It is so a feminist issue! I have had a very rare night out and am too bleary to make much sense (but am still typing OK so far I think, wohoo!)

I am a very messy person and I'm sure some of it comes from a refusal to succumb to "women's work". My perspective has changed since I had DS. I'll be back after some sleep, when I can see the screen clearly!

SGB a bit mad is good, no? Grin

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