Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

to wonder why I am so bloody UN-feminist??!!

65 replies

NunSoQueer · 29/06/2011 23:17

I cannot wait to give up my high-flying city career to be a SAHM

I changed my name when I got married inc my professional name

I think women should really be at home and look after their children

I think there are lots of jobs women should not/can not do e.g. fireman

I envy "kept" women

I am pro-life

Why should women be paid the same if they have had time off to have children and therefore have less experience???

How??!! Why??!! Where do these (very unpopular) views come from? I had a very working class up-bringing, did well, got a great job. Mum was a SAHM - maybe this is the reason?? Waits on my dad hand and foot.

Oddly, only thing that angers me on this subject is stripping/lapdancing - hugely ANTI all of that.

Someone come and drag me into the 21st century....

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 29/06/2011 23:41

You're just growing into adulthood and new mummy/wife shit.

I thought all sorts of crazy crap along the way to my age.

Original poster
NunSoQueer · 29/06/2011 23:41

Being supported by DH but not parents (strangely!)

OP posts:
OrdinaryJo · 29/06/2011 23:42

The thing is, you have choices and you have exercised those choices to do what you think is best for you and your family. I would perhaps make different choices. But they are our choices to make. So, for me, that is feminism in action. No-one chose for you. You chose for yourself. Feminism gave you those choices.

You could maybe be a bit less judgeypants though. And if by pro-life you mean anti-choice then say so. Most feminists aren't pro-death after all.

Original poster
NunSoQueer · 29/06/2011 23:42

Laurie - always wanted to be a SAHM. Just kinda got swept up in the career stuff...

OP posts:
MillyR · 29/06/2011 23:42

Okay,

So you have enjoyed your job but now want to be a SAHM. So based on that you presumably think a range of opportunities should be available to women. That is feminism, surely?

You value women who have caring responsibilities. That is central to feminism.

You don't like objectification of women. That is feminist also.

As for the work thing, feminists want women to be paid and employed in line with our skills, qualifications and experience levels. Currently women as a group, particularly mothers, are not. Feminists are not asking for women to be paid for experience they don't have, simply for the experience we do have.

The pro life thing is a matter of degree. If you don't agree with contraception that is extreme. Not agreeing with late abortion is another matter. Not agreeing with social pressure to abort certain types of babies is another matter again.

A lot about what you're saying depends on whether your beliefs are about what you personally want to do or if you want to impose things like being a SAHM or not being able to have the morning after pill on others.

OrdinaryJo · 29/06/2011 23:43

Sorry, gave you the chance to make the choices, Wine

LaurieFairyCake · 29/06/2011 23:45

No wonder your parents aren't as keen if you got 'swept up in the career' - I'm guessing it's what they wanted for you. And that they are very proud of you.

Original poster
NunSoQueer · 29/06/2011 23:46

Ooo am a feminist after all ??!! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
NunSoQueer · 29/06/2011 23:47

Laurie. Yes they are proud. Very very proud. It's an incredible achievement given my background. I think my mum will be very disappointed.

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 29/06/2011 23:48

Surely being a feminist is to see yourself and women in general as being equal to men in the eyes of society, politics and the law?

Do you not see yourself as such?

MillyR · 29/06/2011 23:49

You are young. You have got lots of time left to continue building a career after being a SAHM, should you choose to do so.

Original poster
NunSoQueer · 29/06/2011 23:50

I'm not sure I do GreenEyes. You know what, I kind of feel I want to be looked after by a man.... Hmm

OP posts:
Tchootnika · 29/06/2011 23:51

SAHM - nice work if you want it...
So be happy if that's what you want and are doing.
Sure, if you try and impose that as a standard for everyone else, you're rather silly.
I'm not SAHM, didn't have SAHM - us 3 generations are all v. happy, thanks!

MrsFlittersnoop · 29/06/2011 23:52

"Why should women be paid the same if they have had time off to have children and therefore have less experience???"

Why shouldn't your contribution as a full time mother be valued as much as a paid worker?

Just suppose you got run over by a bus.

Do you know how much a full day-time nanny costs? and a full time NIGHT nanny? Plus weekends?

Calculate that 24/7.

Then add in full time housekeeper and full time cleaner and full time PA/Administrator. And accounts-clerk/bookeeper.

And sex-worker (if you want to reductio ad absurdam Hmm

£35k+?? Absolute rock-bottom minimum??

MsTeak · 29/06/2011 23:53

well do that then. but keep your beak out of what other women do. Feminism is about real choice for all women, make your choice for you, leave my choices for me. My choice to work, my choice to have an abortion, my choice to do differnet things to you.
Simple as that really.

MrsFlittersnoop · 29/06/2011 23:53

And cook. And gardener.

GreenEyesandHam · 29/06/2011 23:53

I get that, totally. But do you feel that as virtue of having a willy and balls, that man should be allowed to govern you?

And haven't you actually already chosen that man to be the one who 'looks after you?'. Was he chosen for you?

Don't get bogged down by stereotypes, is all I mean.

MillyR · 29/06/2011 23:53

But what has being a SAHM got to do with being looked after? If you are a SAHM, you're the one who will be looking after people. Or do you mean you're putting your child into nursery and staying at home?

I'm not sure what you're getting at.

Original poster
NunSoQueer · 29/06/2011 23:54

I'm just a big ol judgeypants me!! Wink

OP posts:
Tchootnika · 29/06/2011 23:55

Well said, MsTeak.
I really don't get OP's prescriptive attitude at all.
'Un-feminist' - definitely. But also just really, really silly.

tethersend · 29/06/2011 23:56

Are you sure that that is not just feeling like you would like to be able to be financially secure whilst bringing up your child(ren) full time?

The fact that that rarely comes about without being 'looked after by a man' is the fault of a patriarchal society- besides, you would be providing childcare. The fact that you see this as an unequal exchange of labour is again testament to the low status of child rearing in our society. We are constantly told that the work traditionally done by women (child rearing, housework etc) is of little or no value to society, and that women who stay at home ought to be 'grateful' to their partner who works outside of the home.

MrsFlittersnoop · 29/06/2011 23:57

If you negotiate taking on these tasks with your partner's agreement, don't ever feel you are contributing less to yhr household than a paid worker. Don't' let your partner feel he is contributing more than you are.

I assume of course, that you ARE actually pulling your weight on the domestic front of course Grin.

Original poster
NunSoQueer · 29/06/2011 23:58

I think youve hit the nail on the head actually tethersend

OP posts:
MrsFlittersnoop · 30/06/2011 00:00

Aarrgh!

Ask your DH -

Just suppose YOU got run over by a bus.

Does he know how much a full day-time nanny costs? and a full time NIGHT nanny? Plus weekends?

Calculate that 24/7.

Then add in full time housekeeper and full time cleaner and full time PA/Administrator. And accounts-clerk/bookeeper.

And sex-worker (if you want to reductio ad absurdam hmm

£35k+?? Absolute rock-bottom minimum??

HelloKlitty · 30/06/2011 00:05

Tethers put it very well....it's all in the labelling...the packaging. How important do you see your role as a SAHM being in a wider sense?

The media portrays SAHM's as cupcake baking twonks...who care little for anything other than their homes and how they look and bragging about their DC.

When in fact SAHM's contribute massively to sociey as a whole. Bringing up children, teaching and nurturing them is a huge task and the gratitude which some people think SAHMs owe to their partners should be a two way thing.