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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

The moment you knew mumsnet feminism section was starting to influence how you think?

90 replies

QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins · 16/06/2011 18:12

I have just seen the new Maire Claire cover of Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bates, my VERY FIRST thought was ffs why is she half naked and he fully dressed. a year ago it would have been wow she looks fantastic (which to be fair she does thanks to the airbrush, hardword and good genes.)
I've only just (last 6 months) started to read the feminist section, I rarely post as my thoughts on the subject are mostly semi formed and rarely coherent.

Anyway, I'm sure there are a lot of people like me out there who don't really post but do read and learn, this is a very fluffy thread for this section but when did you realise the feminist section was having an influence of how you perceived things?

OP posts:
poorbuthappy · 16/06/2011 20:47

my daughter asking me why bouncie didn't have many clothes on in a music video brought me running into this section. I may only lurk, and also sometimes don't always agree with everyone, but I am getting there slowly. (Did the italics work?)

poorbuthappy · 16/06/2011 20:47

by the way has anyone emailed marie claire to ask?

TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 16/06/2011 20:52

Tallwivglasses We must be a similar age! Read that in 1977 too, then Betty Freidan and others.

TeddyMcardle · 16/06/2011 20:58

Lots of things, though I mostly lurk and rarely post as I feel so uneducated on this board Blush

Porn, I used to watch it with my exh, I used to watch it for him really, I can't even explain my reasons for this now as I never enjoyed it. I just didn't want him to think I was 'frigid' or uncool about it, an it's everywhere so it must be alright and if I don't like it the problem is me not porn.. Wrong.
Bringing up ds and trying to hold back the tide of gender stereotyping, so he gets a bit of everything and not just 'boys toys'.
Little things like reading 'That's Not My Baby' and all the babies are girls as boys couldn't possibly be interested in babies Hmm
Looking at facebook now and seeing girl after girl posting 100s of pictures of themselves with as much breast on show as possible for boys to 'like', it makes me so sad to see women my age putting themselves up there like that, 'liking' comments about how 'fuckable' they look.
I always hated how women and strippers in particular were portrayed in Friends and have at last found people who agree!

AnyFucker · 16/06/2011 21:07

teddy, you sound far from uneducated to me

SugarPasteFrog · 16/06/2011 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsItMeOr · 16/06/2011 21:35

When DH joked that he didn't think that I needed to read the feminist threads any more after we discussed the politics of housework.

Pumpster · 16/06/2011 21:42

When I had a full blown row with people at work about a rape that happened at 3am in a carpark... To the 'what was she doing out at 3am' comments.

SybilBeddows · 16/06/2011 21:44

when dh asked me very politely if I could try to hold off my first rant of the day until after he'd had a cup of coffee

TheCrackFox · 16/06/2011 21:55

Your DH sounds very similar to mine Sybil. I try to avoid the TV but he turns over as soon as the ads come on as a way of preventing me screaming obscenities as it. Grin

He has, though, started to agree with a lot of my rants. Not sure if he is doing this for a quiet life or because my preaching is working.

baskingseals · 16/06/2011 22:09

when i stood up for myself with dh, and didn't feel wobbly about it. i knew in my bones i was right.

i realised absolutely definitely that i am not responsible for anyone else's happiness, though i feel i am responsible for creating an environmet in which my dc can be happy. i am certainly not responsible for dh's, which i sort of thought i was.

when i wished that i had learnt about feminisim bloody years ago. feel would have made very different choices if i had, or actually made some choices instead of just falling into situations without thinking about them.

cleverything · 16/06/2011 22:15

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HerBeX · 16/06/2011 22:19

LOL at "And I think my ranting has actually had an effect on my colleagues too."

My immediate thought was "they've all resigned".

PippiLongBottom · 16/06/2011 22:25

When I started to agree with Dittany Grin.
When Iwasn't embarrassed to say 'I am a feminist'
When I booked the UK Feminista summer school.
When DD (9) noticed that an employment advisory panel on a tv programme were all men. (I have been filling her head with anti patriarchy thoughts)

franke · 16/06/2011 22:27

Yes, I've gone from reluctant tolerance to zero tolerance of porn.

I've bought a few books which have been recommended here.

The discussions on this topic have actually made me feel better about my current role as a sahm.

HerBeX · 16/06/2011 22:29

franke that's really good. Smile I hate it when women are apologetic or doubtful about the value of their work.

cleverything · 16/06/2011 22:31

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HerBeX · 16/06/2011 22:37

God that's an atrocious attitude, isn't it?

That assumption of total irresponsibility for children on the part of men?

It really goes to the heart of why men are allowed to abandon their children without any social opprobrium, with reference to another thread...

cleverything · 16/06/2011 22:40

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TeddyMcardle · 16/06/2011 22:40

Thanks AF

yy to feeling responsible for others happiness. It is not my job to fix people, only to be a decent human being.

Also for me, doing things sexually I didn't like or want to do, even after saying I didn't like these things, but feeling I should. I won't be doing that any more.

Some other things that have happened to me that I've internalised and classed as my fault, they weren't.

My body is my own and it's worth is not defined by how attractive it appears to the opposite sex.

Catitainahatita · 16/06/2011 22:50

@Bumperlicioso I'm so impressed with your power point. I bet that shut him up.

I'm a serial lurker too, partly because of ignorance, partly because of the time difference (I'm in Mexico and 6 hours behind the UK). But reading the feminist board is on to-do list in any spare time I have (like just now while DH has taken my DC out for the afternoon). I have learnt so much new stuff, it's like being back at University.

I've always considered myself to be a feminist, even in the face of disparagement etc. But the board has given me new confidence in myself as a person who can do things herself... Last year I wrote looking for help with a campaign in Mexico to free some women who'd been in prision having an abortion (illegal) amongst whom there were some who had just suffered miscarriages. I asked for support and they (I can't remember who now) told me to start my own blog. So I did. And you know what it's been great. I've got a whole archive now of post over women's issues in Mexico and suddenly I feel less isolated than I did before.

Also my DH has finally realised (for himself - just by chatting with me and reading said blog) that the argument "but you aren't discriminated against, why do you care" is silly. He still has to come a long way on "but if they choose to do it, why do you care?" but he is getting there. When we got married he thought he was in favour of feminisim but that it was nolonger useful or relevant anymore. Now he is worrying about how our DD is being exposed to gender stereotyping at nursery and keeps noticing blatant sexism all around him.

So yes I thought I'd write just to say thanks to all of you who post regularly on the feminist boards. I, for one, greatly appreciate it.

Catitainahatita · 16/06/2011 22:53

Oops. I sound so smug about the blog. What I meant really is that I feel like I am doing something rather than just getting pissed off about it. I've also managed to get in touch with other people here to and work with them thanks to it. Not smug -just happier with myself than before.

FairyLightsForever · 16/06/2011 23:04

Not so much that it influences how I think, more that it validates what I think and how I am...
I have been single for 3 years now, but have always been fairly independent as was a single mum for years before that relationship.

I have always argued with my Mother when she insisted that she would ask my brother to help with stuff around the house, pointing out that I could do almost all the jobs that she insisted she "needed a man to do"

I very rarely shave my legs or my bikini line, i do wear eye liner, but mostly that's it, I wear eye make up when I go out, but I do it because i wear glasses and I like how i look, better with it, than without.

I haven't watched porn more than a couple of times and was so appalled that I haven't since.

I tell my four year old that she doesn't need to wear dresses to look pretty and that who she is is much more important than how she looks. (she tends to look like Hmm and say "but look how swishy it is when i spin")... I'll keep working on her!

I don't post (I do lurk) on the feminist threads though, as I always feel a little out of my depth, but I love reading the arguments that often express what I feel, but can't always verbalise Blush

PrinceHumperdink · 16/06/2011 23:06

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MountainDew · 16/06/2011 23:11

Didn't seem smug at all. :)

My moments:
Calling myself a feminist
Calling myself a woman
Complaining about a Nuts/ Zoo esque magazine on display
Joining my local feminist network!
Stopping shaving my body hair. (I did 3 months. Was aiming for a year but i now shave my armpits. Smelly! Legs are left hairy though! )
When i started 'telling friends off' for making sexist remarks.
When i started caring about rape. I cared before, but not truely cared.
I love the feminist section. Dittany, you have changed my life.