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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Why do i have to sign consent for DH to have a vasectomy?

48 replies

BPisme · 20/05/2011 16:06

DH is going to have a vasectomy tomorrow, and I have to go along and sign a consent form for him to have it done.

I was thinking about this before, and it seems wrong on so many levels.

Presumably DH would not have to sign consent for me to have, for example, the implant, or even female sterilisation. It is his body, why should I get a say in what he does with it? (apart from obviously in the same way we discussed me going on the pill/ us using condoms etc)

Also, I dislike the assumption that it would be the man sneaking off to get the vasectomy because obviously all women are baby mad.

Or am I over thinking this?

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Imnotaslimjim · 20/05/2011 16:09

Also, I dislike the assumption that it would be the man sneaking off to get the vasectomy because obviously all women are baby mad.

That is exactly why you have to sign. and yes, he would have to sign if the roles were reversed and its you getting sterilised

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BPisme · 20/05/2011 16:11

But why? We could split up tomorrow, for all they know, and it would only be him that would take that contreception away with him. Surely he could just tell them he was single or separated if he was sneaking off?

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BadRoly · 20/05/2011 16:13

When dh had his, it nearly wasn't done because we turned up on the day without having attended any counselling! We hadn't attended because we didn't know we had to! Luckily, the nurse knew me and poited out to the doctor that I was very heavily pregnant with our 4th child and really he would be doing the world a favour by sterilising dh!

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DilysPrice · 20/05/2011 16:13

I'm sure I didn't sign anything when DH got his.
And I'm not going to believe that women need their husband's consent for sterilisation unless I meet someone who's actually had it demanded.

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Mummy2day · 20/05/2011 16:13

i too am shocked that you have to sign consent! its their body!!!! getting married doesn't give you ownership of their body! crazy!

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DilysPrice · 20/05/2011 16:17

And, having x-posted with Roly, we definitely weren't offered or coerced into counselling. (although the surgeon did advise DH to wait until DS was 18 months to minimise SIDS - brutal but realistic).

I assume it must vary wildly by area, unless it's a new thing, DH's snip was about 4 years ago.

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BPisme · 20/05/2011 16:17

And also, why would he have to sign for me to get sterilised? He is having it done because of the health risks to me of getting pregnant again. If he refused, would I not have the ability to choose myself to have myself sterilised? Surely that would leave the door open for abusive husbands to keep getting unwilling wives pregnant?

I wouldn't need his consent to get an abortion, would I? Or the opposite, if he wanted me to have an abortion, I could still have the baby, even if it would be very risky to my life to do so.

And, if he really was sneaking off and I wanted more babies, well, he obviously wouldn't have been consenting to those theorectical babies. It should be the person's choice whether or not they become a parent, when that part of the choice resides in thier body.

If he was so desparate to not have babies and I wanted more babies, that would be a difference that I don't think a relationship could get over, surely?

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bumpybecky · 20/05/2011 16:19

I didn't have to sign when DH had his. There was no counselling for either of us. This was about a year ago

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BPisme · 20/05/2011 16:19

He got the forms through, and it said that the procedure would not be carried out, unless his partner attends and gives consent, after a short counsilling session. It also said that they would be unlikely to carry it out on a man who is under 35, childless and/or single.

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BPisme · 20/05/2011 16:20

We are in Tyne and Wear, if that is relevant.

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KatieScarlett2833 · 20/05/2011 16:20

I didn't have to sign anything or turn up for any appointment with DH when he had his in January. I live in Scotland, btw.

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MumToTheBoy · 20/05/2011 16:22

I was sterilised 4 weeks ago and my husband did not have to give his consent. He didn't come to the appointment with me or the hospital on the day of the op, as he was working. It was my decision and although he supported me in it, I certainly did not need his permission!!

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BadRoly · 20/05/2011 16:25

Dh was "done" 2 years ago in Oxfordshire. Could well be down to the local trust thingy.

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BPisme · 20/05/2011 16:25

I did find myself idly wondering if he had a civil partner, would he still have to sign the form, then I rembered that gay men don't tend to find unplanned pregnancies much of a problem :)

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WoTmania · 20/05/2011 16:25

How strange, DH had a vasectomy last year and I had no say whatsoever in the matter. Definitely didn't sign anything.

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BadRoly · 20/05/2011 16:28

That made me chuckle BPisme!

Just to clarify, I don't remember having to sign a consent form, although I may have, but we were meant to have had a counselling appointment to understand the implications (ie it is permanent).

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Northernlurker · 20/05/2011 16:29

I didn't have to sign anything when dh had is and I would have refused to do so. It was a decision we made together but it was not a procedur being performed on me and I can of course hop off and get pg with any random chap I fancy. That being the case why would I have ownership over dh's fertility?

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pinkteddy · 20/05/2011 16:32

I presume its your hospital trust being very cautious. Perhaps they have had some legal wranglings in the past? Is it a private hospital or NHS?

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BPisme · 20/05/2011 16:37

NHS, in a special vasectomy clinic.

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MummyBerryJuice · 20/05/2011 16:43

Very, very strange this... I can't imagine what right either partner would have to prevent the other from being sterilised.

I can understand counselling for anyone wanting the procedure though (on their own, obviously)

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BPisme · 20/05/2011 16:51

Well, that's it too - how do they know I'm not an abusive wife, forcing DH to have it done against his will? would he get chance alone to say so?

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CantThinkOfDecentNameChange · 20/05/2011 16:54

I didn't have to do this with my DH (last Dec) ed you have to? Can't be common practise.

DH just went to the GP and said ' I want a vasectomy', GP said 'are you sure?'

Booked in and done within 4 weeks!!

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CantThinkOfDecentNameChange · 20/05/2011 16:55

OP - we are also NE postcode. Weird!

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frantic51 · 20/05/2011 16:57

My ex was told he would need my consent if he wanted his vasectomy oh the NHS 12 years ago. He refused to have me sign on principle and paid to have it done at a private clinic where they required no such consent.

I am in Yorkshire.

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BPisme · 20/05/2011 16:58

We have an NE postcode, are under Sunderland health trust though - maybe sunderland has a high incidence of people changing thier mind?

(DH has various theories about mackems - maybe I shouldn't tell him the whole procedure seems simpler in Newcastle... )

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