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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

I must learn not to respond to porn threads on the main boards

27 replies

thefinerthingsinlife · 02/05/2011 17:27

because I get really cross and want to shake people and shout "it's not natural, it's not okay, everyone doesn't do it and IT IS HARMFUL!"

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IslandMoose · 02/05/2011 17:34

If feminism is in any way about education, then surely it is essential to respond on the main boards? Just because an argument isn't immediately welcomed it doesn't mean that it's wrong.

I do, however, understand your frustration ...

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thefinerthingsinlife · 02/05/2011 17:40

Sometimes Island when you are constaintly defending your stance in real-life and on here you get tired of it all and you feel defeated.

I've spent the last 3 weeks reading and research pornography and it's effects for my dissatation and there is no doubt in my mind the harm it does. It's there in your face every day and yet people continue to deny that. It becomes demoralising.

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IslandMoose · 02/05/2011 17:47

Your second paragraph is so true - I cannot fathom how a rational mind could deny the harm caused by pornography, both on an individual and societal level. The level of buy-in to the myths which try to normalise it constantly amazes me.

I am fortunate in that I don't seem to encounter the attitude in RL, only in the media and on the internet. Having to wade through these attitdues daily (as opposed to when you choose to do so) must really make it a struggle.

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Katiekitty · 02/05/2011 18:02

Finer, your comments on The Other Thread (in AIBU) are fab.

Particularly the bit where you said how porn being viewed as normal for men validates their use and removes the angle for women to question it (paraphrased)

And what IslandMoose says about education on this thread

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thefinerthingsinlife · 02/05/2011 18:07

Thanks Katiekitty, I don't feel it's done any good though.

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AlistairSim · 02/05/2011 18:10

I'm always heartened to read posts questioning the assumption that porn is normal and harmless, so please don't stop getting involved.

As an aside, do you have any recs for books outlining arguments against porn, please?

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BestNameEver · 02/05/2011 18:19

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Milngavie · 02/05/2011 18:25

I posted that I agree with you but haven't looked since, has it kicked off?

Porn is wrong on so many levels.

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thefinerthingsinlife · 02/05/2011 18:25

I have loads Alistair mainly through reconmendations on here.

getting off: pornography and the end of masculinity

Pornland

Pornified

Dangerous relationships: pornography, misogyny and rape

Pornography: men possessing women

There is also a number of websites, I will post in a bit.

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HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 18:25

They're all desperate to pretend that it's normal so they don't have to face the fact that their husbands are doing something deeply shit.

Congnitive dissonance again.

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thefinerthingsinlife · 02/05/2011 18:59
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InmaculadaConcepcion · 02/05/2011 19:03

Good for you, finer.
Fighting the good fight in an at best unreceptive, at worse hostile atmosphere is to be applauded.

I must say, I'm generally allergic to the AIBU threads, so anyone who goes on and tries to be heard above the din of "lighten up, you prude" gets my vote.

Thanks for sharing the links/book recs too.

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thefinerthingsinlife · 02/05/2011 19:14

Milngavie it's not kicked off hugely, well no more than normal. The usually "get a grip", "prudes" etc. brigade were out in force.

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BestNameEver · 02/05/2011 19:53

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Malificence · 02/05/2011 19:53

You know they have no rational argument when they go straight to the "all men do it" stance.
It's like they've been brainwashed into believing that men cannot function without porn.
The post saying "at least he's not cheating on you" made me want to scream. How do people settle for such low standards?

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EllieG · 02/05/2011 20:10

finer - speaking as someone who until relatively recently (I am very ashamed to admit) ascribed to the lazy, not really thinking, 'porn is fine/they are making choices/I don't have a problem with it/aren't I sexually liberated in thinking so' school of thought, I am so glad that my assumptions got challenged by me lurking on here, leading me to read up a bit more about it and discover how nasty and violent it is. Please don't stop posting, it does get through to people. When I think about my previous views, and how I would think I was such a cool gf in letting previous bf use porn, it actually makes me cry with shame about what I was being part of - women being raped and abused for entertainment, with this horrible false veneer of choice to make you feel like you are OK. Awful. A lot of the reason I changed my views was this board, and the reading I did on from it. I'm so glad I read stuff that made me think.

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dittany · 02/05/2011 20:19

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EllieG · 02/05/2011 20:23

I agree - I had a debate recently with DH, and he was similarly educated - the links I read from people here really helped.

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morphthecat · 02/05/2011 20:50

I want to agree with Ellie. I just watched the Felicity documentary,following the link above,and am feeling really disturbed and angry.

An excellent argument finer .Very well put.Thank you.

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AlistairSim · 02/05/2011 20:53

Thanks, finer.

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thefinerthingsinlife · 02/05/2011 20:57

I am feeling a little better/calmer now. I just got to the stage after spending the majority of the day reading about the endless harms of pornography, I come on MN for a few easy read threads and the first thread I see is full of porn-defenders who use the lazy generic pro-porn arguments with no backup, merely the views they have been socialised into having and I wanted to sob a little.

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FrozenNorthPole · 02/05/2011 22:01

Thank you for this thread - DH & I have never thought that porn was even remotely okay, but I still struggle to explain why to my friends. I respect your efforts on the main board. Off to follow up some of your links now Smile so I can build a more evidentially-based argument next time I need to use it.

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tigerchilli · 02/05/2011 22:49

Sorry, I'm in lurking mode here but I cannot find the thread on AIBU. I haven't got the energy at the moment to wade into a male identified cultural hegemonic defense of porn (because it gets tiresome) but I would appreciate if someone could provide a link.



Thanks.

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BestNameEver · 02/05/2011 23:02

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tigerchilli · 02/05/2011 23:12

Thanks Best.

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