Breast reconstruction - would I be betraying my feminist principles?

[TheBossofMe]

Sorry for the long absence from the feminism board, lots of RL stuff taking over ATM which has severely curtailed by time and ability to MN. I am however in need of the wise counsel of posters here to help me with a dilemma that I seem unable to resolve on my own.

I am and have always been a feminist, raised in a feminist household, raising my DD in a feminist household. Part of my feminist beliefs have always included a firm stance that we as women are more than our biology, are more than our physicality and are more than the way we look. Ergo I have always thought I would shun breast augmentation - presenting oneself as "well-groomed" to the patriarchal world being one thing, cosmetic surgery designed to hyper-sexualise my being another entirely. (note, I judge not those who chose these things, just have always believed they aren't for me).

I now find myself having to think about what I to do in the event of double mastectomy. It seems I am somewhat more attached to my breasts than I thought I was! It seems that my feminine persona is more wrapped up with them than I realised - and I somehow can't help feeling like I would be less of a woman, or maybe just less of me without them, and its making me really sad trying to imagine dressing differently, having sex differently, etc. And think that I want the reconstruction.

But then the "head" part of me thinks that I'm falling into the trap of defining myself by the way I look, all of the things that I've spent my life arguing against. Which quite frankly is making my head explode with confusion.

Not sure if its even relevant but I have medium-large breasts, I don't dress to emphasise them, but neither will I apologise for them or dress to hide them - they are there and they are part of me, and if a man thinks that I should hide them away in case he's tempted to stare at them then that's his issue not mine.

So, what would you do, then? Is this a feminist issue? Am I betraying my principles? Its not really any better than a boob-job, is it? Or am I just getting myself twisted up over nothing at all?

Sorry, not being very articulate here - finding it a bit hard to think clearly ATM.

Your help and wise words as always gratefully appreciated.

In between cursing my faulty genes and wondering at what point I shoudl raise the issue of genetic testing with DD (only 3 now, so we have some way to go before that), I am rather wondering whether I might finally become a willowy clothes-horse at the end of this! Breasts do somewhat get in the way of some styles of dressing - Thai women (the ones who don't have boob jobs) have almost no breasts just like Japanese women, and they dress so beautifully.

See, I told you I was losing all my feminist principles - I am so vain!!!

A willowy clothes horse sounds nice. Yes you can dress beautifully even if you're completely flat-chested. It can even make some styles look better, as Asian women know. Many don't even bother with padded bras because it upsets the line and the way their clothes hang. There are lots of sophisticated ways to hide your body shape.

I realise I'm trying to persuade you not to have reconstructive surgery, which is well overstepping the line . I haven't been through what you're going through so do feel free to disgregard everything I say, but I do wonder whether surgery is sold as a way to restoring a woman's womanhood or femininity, whereas for some women that might not actually be required.

Why not give it a try for a year without new breasts. Treat yourself to a lovely new wardrobe. Lots of silks. ANd see how it goes.

SGM - I'm definitely in the wondering stage. My Mum (bless her) said last night that I need to think about these things in the same way that young girls think about how they dress as they move through puberty - ie how to dress now they have breasts and hips. So time to explore new ways of dressing, new styles etc.

Sakura - you're not overstepping at all, I really appreciate different perspectives. Here people are so "why wouldn't you?" and its good to hear another POV.

New wardrobe also sounds very appealing!

I'm seeing a consultant in the UK who's pretty shit hot at this kind of thing, and he actually has a policy of not reconstructing for at least a year - something to do with ensuring all tissue has been removed, allowing adequate healing, and ensuring better sight in mammograms/scans etc. So there seem to be good health reasons for waiting rather than jumping into it.

I might get some of those icky plastercasts made of my boobs before they go - just for the memories (there's a bad pun in there somewhere!)

...I would say do the plaster casts....or get some photos done...my mum did want a reminder of her breasts, and how she used to look. and did regret not doing anything.

Incidentally, she had a great surgeon who was able to leave some muscle at the top of her chest bone which means she can still wear variety of tops without anyone realising she has had any surgery.

Watching the thread with interest as me or my DD may face a similar decision.

snowmama - do you think you are going to get the genetic test done?
Its such a tough decision - my sister has elected not to.

I don't know, I used be comfortable with my 'no' decision sticking with annual check ups. Now I have kids, I am a little less confident in that decision, but have made no active steps to having it done.

I think waiting for a year is the way to go as well ironically as its a double you have this option as others have said.

My mother had a single and no reconstruction - I dont think it was that available then and she always had issues with it - its much harder to cope with one in terms of dressing etc- she used to cry when she saw her special bras hanging on the line

Please dont worry about the decision from a feminist/non-feminist pov - its all about how you feel and what will make you feel whole and come to terms with the whole thing.

How do you go about having the genetic test done as an aside?

TBOM - wishing you much healing and strength.

I think you can choose either option here, whatever is right for you, with no betrayal of principles.

I think that you will definitely be a different you after this experience whether or not you go for reconstruction. Big life traumas do inevitably change us. Having reconstructed breasts won't make you the same person as you were before, but they may or may not make you the person you want to be going forward.

Best of luck and try to relax about this decision - there are no wrong answers.

I have moved a couple times since, but a previous gp said he could refer me due to family back ground. Not sure what happens here though.

snowmama - having children changes everything, doesn't it.

Re genetic testing, I don't know what the process is in the UK, here in Thailand you can just book yourself in to have it done via the oncology dept at the hospital. They won't test anyone under 21, but apart from that, providing you can pay for it, they will do it (including men). And many occupational healthcare schemes here will cover the cost of testing as a preventative measure. You go through 2 pre-screening healthchecks (which include mammograms) and then 2 counselling checks pre-screening, followed by results in a separate counselling session. From there, you are referred onto the oncology dept again if your results are "bad". I can't see it would be dramatically different in the UK, but I might be wrong. GP sounds like a good place to start.

Breast screening (along with pretty much every other kind of screening) is really routine here, annual alongside smears etc every year. Again covered by my occupational health scheme. I will be eternally grateful for this - early detection vastly increases options for me if I want to avoid radical mastectomy, but then you struggle with the likelihood of recurrance given the genetic background. The safe option is radical double mastectomy, for sure, which is likely what I will opt for - just don;t want to make final decisions until after i see the specialist in the UK.

And decisions about reconstruction will have to wait - too much to get my head round in one go!

Hi OP. Read the thread and totally agree that it's not an anti-feminist action and that you need to be good to yourself.

How do you feel about the decision now? Is there anything else you'd like to get other feminists'/women's view on?

So sorry you are going through this. My aunt had a double mastectomy 2 years ago, was advised to wait a year as others have said, and has currently decided to wait another year to decide. For her it came down to not wanting to be back in hospital and being treated as a patient again after all the chemo and radiotherapy.

Whatever you decide is right for you is the valid option, and although I cannot say what I would do in your situation, I too would be wanting to get everything cut and dryed and thinking 20 steps down the line when probably waiting to make decisions you do not have to make straight away would be the wiser course

I used to work for the UK breast screening program and heard the surgeons having some really interesting discussions about reconstruction. For some it was just a interesting technical operation, whilst others were much more interested in the patient experience. I've also seen a range of results photos some of which were very good and some less so (this was almost 10 years ago so I am sure techniques have improved). There were debates about whether it was best to do an all in one op (tumor removal plus reconstruction) an early op or to wait, and each option had their advocates. What always stuck in my mind was one older surgeon saying he advised his patients to wait a while before they decided. His reasoning was because the reconstructive option at that point used some muscle from the shoulder and it could affect their golf swing. Apparently a fair few people did decide against reconstruction (not sure if golf really was the reason why). However it might well be a different thought process if you are taking preventative action?

I think taking your time, exploring options and getting several opinions is very sensible and I hope you get lots of sympathetic support.

"His reasoning was because the reconstructive option at that point used some muscle from the shoulder and it could affect their golf swing. Apparently a fair few people did decide against reconstruction "

nooka, men like this give me hope. What a professional. These surgeons who specialize in reconstruction are a far cry from cosmetic surgeons who operate on their own wives and mothers