Breast reconstruction - would I be betraying my feminist principles?

[TheBossofMe]

Sorry for the long absence from the feminism board, lots of RL stuff taking over ATM which has severely curtailed by time and ability to MN. I am however in need of the wise counsel of posters here to help me with a dilemma that I seem unable to resolve on my own.

I am and have always been a feminist, raised in a feminist household, raising my DD in a feminist household. Part of my feminist beliefs have always included a firm stance that we as women are more than our biology, are more than our physicality and are more than the way we look. Ergo I have always thought I would shun breast augmentation - presenting oneself as "well-groomed" to the patriarchal world being one thing, cosmetic surgery designed to hyper-sexualise my being another entirely. (note, I judge not those who chose these things, just have always believed they aren't for me).

I now find myself having to think about what I to do in the event of double mastectomy. It seems I am somewhat more attached to my breasts than I thought I was! It seems that my feminine persona is more wrapped up with them than I realised - and I somehow can't help feeling like I would be less of a woman, or maybe just less of me without them, and its making me really sad trying to imagine dressing differently, having sex differently, etc. And think that I want the reconstruction.

But then the "head" part of me thinks that I'm falling into the trap of defining myself by the way I look, all of the things that I've spent my life arguing against. Which quite frankly is making my head explode with confusion.

Not sure if its even relevant but I have medium-large breasts, I don't dress to emphasise them, but neither will I apologise for them or dress to hide them - they are there and they are part of me, and if a man thinks that I should hide them away in case he's tempted to stare at them then that's his issue not mine.

So, what would you do, then? Is this a feminist issue? Am I betraying my principles? Its not really any better than a boob-job, is it? Or am I just getting myself twisted up over nothing at all?

Sorry, not being very articulate here - finding it a bit hard to think clearly ATM.

Your help and wise words as always gratefully appreciated.

In the case of post-mastectomy, you would be returning your body to the biological norm. If, say, you lost a limb, you would use a false one. So I think it is entirely reasonable.

Really sorry to hear you're in this situation, firstly. I've never faced that issue so I'm speaking hypothetically here.

I don't think you would be betraying any principles. Reconstruction surgery is very different to 'cosmetic' surgery in my opinion. In the first instance you're attempting to retain what is there after some trauma or illness. In the second you're trying to improve on what's healthily there for visual reasons. I think it's radically different from a 'boob job'.

I don't think it's any more of a feminist issue than having a skin graft to improve the look of a burn. It's not vanity to want to return your self to as close as possible after some kind of physical trauma.

I'd expect that a very significant part of your recovery from a double mastectomy would be your mental/emotional recovery. If your instincts are that having a reconstruction will help you recover better, then you should do it.

Be kind to yourself.

For me there is a huge difference between your typical cosmetic boob job and a post-operative one. I wouldn't think twice about having it done. I'd find it terribly sad if any woman felt she had to deny herself such a thing for her feminist principles.

Gosh, sorry, I thoughh tthis was hypothetical. Sorry you are in this situation at all. I hope you make a quick recovery.

Funny, I was just thinking about this sort of thing. I don't think it is going against your feminist principles at all. What you're referring to is reconstructive surgery not cosmetic surgery. And that's the key, it's reconstruction, not augmentation or reduction.

If I've read your post correctly, you would want reconstructive surgery because you like your breasts. And that's fine.

BTW, this is my first post on the feminism topic, I think. How'd I do?

you're not betraying your principles.

the point is (IMO) there are no absolutes. You have to live in a patriarchal culture which places value on women according to their appearance more than it does men, so there are consequences for you in whatever decision you make, and it is not for anyone else to tell you which consequences you should have to live with: you are the only one who knows what you can handle.

It is on the same continuum of 'unequal pressures on women' as breast enlargements in non-medical situations; it is about how you look, but it is a different context with different pressures.
so it's not that 'Its not really any better than a boob-job'. It is related, though, but I don't think you should beat yourself up over it in that way.

all potentially harmful beauty practices are on a continuum, I don't believe there is a wall between them that says 'plastic surgery bad' 'everything else ok', and practically all feminists take part in some beauty practices or other.

it is good for women that reconstruction exists as an option. It is not good for women that they have been put in a place where they feel their identity depends on it, but if you are in that place, you are in it. You can work at trying to get out of it if you want to but you can't magically say 'I'm a feminist therefore I don't need breasts as much as everyone else.'

My MIL had a mastectomy and didn't have a reconstruction in her 30s (and is healthy and well at 75 and has had no recurrence of the cancer ); her nextdoor neighbour had reconstruction and had some problems with it, so it is clearly not a cost-free, inevitable solution as some people will tell you, but equally, lots of women don't have trouble with it. But I'm sure you know all that.

(sorry about rambling.
there was a long thread about this a while back and everyone misunderstood what i was saying but I was too busy with dcs to explain.)

good luck with it all, I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this.

So sorry to hear you're having to deal with this. While I agree that women are more than simply their biology, it is still a fundamental part of what shapes and defines us - we have wombs so that we can bear children, should we so choose, for example. And feminism isn't about denying the female-ness of women, surely, but demanding that we not be treated as inferior beings because of it. I think that reconstruction - returning you to a "normal" - not different - appearance as a woman is entirely in keeping with feminism, and on a broader "humanwide" level, entirely understandable and justifiable.

I would also have reconstructive surgery if I had to go through a double mastectomy. I don't think it's anti-feminist at all to feel that your breasts are integral to your identity. I have fairly large boobs and I think I would feel very strange not having them. They nurtured my child, they were an important part of my changing from being a child to a woman.

(well done LLKH)

Ah, seth puts it far more eloquently than I did!

For me it's the whole ideal world real world thing.

Ideal world, it wouldn't matter as bodies wouldn't be commodified. So both people wouldn't feel the need to alter their bodies, but equally if they did want to it wouldn't be laden with baggage that it is. So it could be a genuinely individual how you feel thing.

Real world it is then tied up in all sorts of things. Both meaning that there could be pressure to have your body a certain way and the pressure to beat yourself up about it. I can see where your dilemma comes from, and I agree with the poster who said 'be kind to yourself'. We have to live in the real world and feel happy in it. Even if we're striving to change things, and even if we're living the change we want to see, there are always times when you have to just allow yourself to be in the world you live in. If it's what you need to feel happy as yourself then that's totally understandable and totally OK.

You're not betraying your principles, you're just being human in an unideal situation.

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and good wishes - I'm sitting here at work trying to hold it together whilst being so grateful for the reassurance. I can't tell you how much it helps to be able to talk about this - I;m a long way from home and finding everything a bit difficult right now.

nethunsreject - nothing to apologise for, I probably wasn;t being entirely clear.

Quodlibet - am trying to be kind to myself but am more used to being hard on myself about things (as well as hard on others) so that's another new learning curve for me!

seth - I think the thing is I thought I wasn't in that place, and it turns out I am after all. My own pride taken down a notch or two! Its interesting that you raise the point about reconstruction not being without its own risks and problems - really helpful since its not something I had thought about. Good things about living in Thailand - turns out its the boob job capital of the world, so the quality of reconstruction is great. Bad things - its so socially acceptable to have breast surgery that finding out any impartial info is actually very difficult - surgeons are a bit chop happy and don't really like to talk about alternatives. I'm going back to the UK for a visit in a couple of weeks time and will do some research whilst there.

LLKH - great first post - and thank you!

dittany - I didn't spot the pun in my own post - thank you for bringing a smile to my lips! As so often, you are right and I should actually just sit tight for a bit and see how I feel - nothing at all is certain right now, and I may be just trying to make too many decisions in one go. I;m not sure what timing constraints there are if any, will look into that.

Thank you all, I am going home from work now (end of the day here), but will log in after a good nights sleep tomorrow with some more thoughts.

I am sorry you are in this situation OP, my mother had a (single) mastectomy in her 40's and it was a very difficult decision to decide whether to reconstruct or not - which she took lots of time out to think through.

In the end she chose not to, in the main due to the level of work she would have to continue having done and potential health issues in the future. However, although she is very happy in herself now and has had no further health problems, it was a long journey of recovery and grieving, and as Quodlibet said you need to do what helps you recover best.

It is not at all a betrayal of your feminist principles to have reconstructive surgery.

Support everything everyone else has said. And I would add (not from personal experience, but have a very close friend who is going through this) take your time. My friend had a single, and because she is high risk they are actually want to hold off reconstruction for at least another year, and potentially up to five. She still hasn't made her mind up either way. It is such a personal thing, but good to get all the info and make an informed decision. No need to make it now. Good luck with everything and hope all is well.

I so sorry to hear that this is going on with you TBOM.

Of course everyone is right that reconstruction to rebuild something that you have lost is a different kettle of fish to enhancing what you already have to make it look more like an "ideal".

My main reason for posting though is that I have a friend who had one of her breasts removed due to cancer a couple of years ago, the cancer came when she was in her mid thirties. She has had a reconstruction and her "new" breast looks great - very natural and very symmetrical. She is very happy with it. I saw her both with and without IYSWIM - it is a big deal losing a breast. I think it's a case of, you don't really think about them and they're just there - but when they're not there any more you really notice. Do what is right for you, it is absolutely no way a betrayal of feminist principles to have reconstruction.

Thanks Blackduck, useful to know

I'm sorry you're going through this and are so far from home. I had a friend who had a double mastectomy as a preventative measure because her chances of getting breast cancer were so high. She had similar concerns to yours and took her time thinking about it. In the end she did go for it and hasn't regretted it. I remember her saying that the kindness and respect of the medical staff really helped her get through it. She was put int touch with volunteer support women who had been through similar and she found them v v helpful.It might be worth trying to find some women who have been through this to talk to. I don't think you're betraying any principles by thr way. Take care. x

SGM - that's super kind of you - I'm still a bit dazed but may take you up on that at some point.

And to all, thank you again for all the kind words. I spent yesterday online contacting various resources in the UK to find out more about options (here no-one really seems to offer any option apart from radical mastectomy followed by near-immediate reconstruction), and I think I've come to the POV that I actually am not ready to make a decision about it yet. So I'm going to see someone when back in the UK re both treatment and post-treatment options, will keep you all posted.

I can't tell you how helpful you've all been - I really am very grateful indeed (will post this on the chat thread as well).

So sorry you are having to think about this I would say that reconstruction is a very different situation to cosmetic surgery, try to put your own feelings before your general beliefs if you know what i mean. I hope you can reach a decision in your own time that you are comfortable with and be kind to yourself x

HI TheBossofMe,
Sorry to hear you are going through this

I do think a breast reconstruction is different. It's a normal human reaction to want to get rid of any sign on of disease. I'm pretty sure a man who had, say, scarring in a visible place would try to get skin grafts to hide it.

Just always remember that you don't have to have the breast reconstruction and that there's always a chance you might feel even less like 'you' if you do. A bit like the women who regret having nose jobs, because even though the nose in the mirror makes their face prettier, they end up mourning the face they grew up with.

I'm just musing, I suppose.

Clothes can do a lot. In Japan where women have very flat breasts, (i mean really there's often no shape on them at all) the clothes they choose are completely different to our western fashion. Lots of flowing tops or layered tops on top of one another, that sort of thing. Interesting scarves and fashionable shawls can look really beautiful and can hide a woman's shape so you've got no idea what her body looks like underneath.