This is really difficult.

[FlamingoBingo]

Although I know nothing like as devastating as it is for the real women who experience it.

I'm writing a novel about a young woman who falls in love with a seemingly wonderful man, who shows himself gradually to be controlling, and very emotionally abusive.

She gets pregnant and he starts to hit her.

I'm researching this part of the story at the moment, and I can't stop crying .

Fucking, fucking, arsehole men!

Sorry - I just know you'll all understand why I'm feeling so angry.

And I know I can't just give up on the story because it's a bit upsetting to write - that would be totally insulting to the women who have to live this experience for real.

Bless you. I just want to tell you I lived that life for 21 years. I wasnt allowed to go anywhere, do anything and was constantly told that I was useless, lazy and a bad mother. I was also physically abused. It was only when someone pointed out that if I put up with it any longer we were teaching my son how to treat women! I went to Women's Aid the next day and they helped me no end. They encouraged me, helped me find a good solicitor and stay in my house. They never called me stupid for putting up with it for so long. So many people asked me when they found out why I had put up with it. I had 2 children, no money, nowhere to go. It was a big secret, no one knew what my life was like. I was a fabulous actress. I used to go to work and pretend to be happy. I worked at the same hospital as my husband so it was really hard.

However, there is a happy ending to this story. I am now married to an amazing man who is the kindest person I have ever known. He supports me in my feminist activism and has always been there for me. I have known him for 10 years and he has never changed. For around 6 years I suffered from terrible depression and he has been there for me, supporting me and telling me I would get better. I just love him, he is amazing. I cant imagine another life now! It seems about 100 years ago now my other life.

My ex husband is now on his own and has never had a girlfriend since I left him. He is very lonely. I dont hate him and dont feel anything.

I just wanted to tell you that there is light at the end of some very dark tunnels.

Flamingobingo - thank you on behalf of all the women who are still living that terrible life for caring enough to be upset and show such empathy.

Good for you though - the more stuff there is out there telling people about abuse, the better, IMO. I knew hardly anything about it before coming onto MN - suffice to say my education has come on in leaps and bounds since then!

Wow, Mrs Clown. Thank you for sharing your story. I don't blame my main character at all - she's young, impressionable, and swept away. And her boyfriend is very clever. My mum was married to my dad for years, who was very violent towards her. I can see exactly why she stayed with him. The woman should never be blamed. I'm trying to show that in my story - trying to explain how it happens.

I hope it gets to a stage where it might be published.

Sounds familiar. I have a good friend whose XP turned abusive on her when she got pregnant. She tells a story of being dragged around a shop by her hair while heavily pregnant. No one in the shop tried to help her. She was holding her other young child at the time as well and nobody would even take him from her so she could at least defend herself.

She's with a lovely guy now, but it hasn't been an easy road.

Good luck with the novel, FB.

Good for you for getting out and turning your life around, MrsC.

God that is awful Immaculada I dont think I could just stand there

It's a shame you weren't one of the people in that shop, Delia!

Just wondering what the name of the Anna Maxted one was.

I know there was one about rape called Behaving Like Adults, just wondered if it was a different one.