Q: how did pg / parenthood affect your values and priorities?

[LionRock]

I'm interested to hear your experiences. I'm near the end and waiting for the baby to arrive. Did your attitude, values and priorities strengthen or change over time?

I'm thinking of things like the pink/blue issue, parenting styles (how we were brought up and which aspects to blend or reject etc), relationships and male / female roles, self-identity... but would like to hear about anything you noticed.

I became more feminist as I was shocked at how soon gender roles were applied - pink clothes, attitudes of other mums at playgroups, boys and girls toy sections in the supermarket, in adverts, cartoons and books. I try and actively challenge this as much as I can especially when DD is around and am eager to make sure that the choices she makes are led more by her than what society thinks her gender should be doing. My desire to not follow the crowd and to take a step back has also got stronger the older the children have got, but then we have many years of peer pressure and arguments about this to come.

Recently I also realised I am parenting DD and instilling her with the same attitudes and values that my parents instilled in me, also giving her the same role models with DH and myself that I got - a strong independent focused woman who stayed at home but studied and retrained at the same time + a man who is happy to be involved in all aspects of the home and considers himself a feminist. DH is also away a lot (like my father and grandfather were) and I have wondered recently if this is something to do with my enjoyment of and preference for a female orientated home environment.

I have struggled with the role of a SAHM more than I expected. Its hard to feel like you are fitting in a stereotype and its something I have wrestled with for a long time, especially when people dismiss you because of what you do. It has taken 6 years but I think I am finally coming to terms with it, although the boundaries are still blurred a little round the edges. It helps that my youngest is now old enough for me to be able to undertake additional study, which gives me something to work towards.

Thanks firkytoodle. I think I am heading in your direction, I am feeling more strongly principled about many things during the later stages of pg and expect it to continue.

The main change in priorities for me was that I can no longer be arsed with work. Work to rule, come home. No aspirations any more.

I also became more feminist because I don't want DD to have too much woman-denigrating crap to deal with and reigniting my (previously latent) feminism is at least one way I can take action against that.

I was very anti Control Crying to begin with....that changed after many months of being woken X times per night by an unsettled baby. I haven't actually done proper CC as such, but let's say I now don't rule it out...

Pink/blue - yes, tricky. I try and stick to neutral colours in many things, but pink has crept in a bit here and there. Personally I prefer purple, which mixes the two! DD tends to wear dresses (now she's out of all-day sleepysuits!) but that's because tights don't fall off and leave little feet cold like socks do!

I've become more militant about motherhood and its importance since becoming a mum. And full of admiration for those that do it with multiple offspring!

I've become hugely appreciative of DH's feminist leanings and his willingness to act on his principles and take an equal part in domesticity/childcare without expecting any plaudits. And especially the way he not only does 99% of the cooking, but also makes sure the freezer is always stocked with portions of home-cooked food I can stick in the microwave etc. when he's at work.

I began to identify myself as a feminist after becoming a SAHM and realising quite how little so-called 'women's work' (for that read unpaid chioldcare/household running) is. Not only that but it considered an 'easy' option yet when I expected DH to do his share at weekends and in evenings certain people (not him, he's not that stupid, but family and some friends) would bleat about it being 'unfair' as he's been at work all day/week. It'snot work when I'm stuck at home on my own all day doing it but as soon as he 'helps out' () it suddenly counts as work.
What really did it though was having DD. People react to girls differently and expect different behaviour. I made it clear I didn't want loads of frilly pink and most people except dense MiL respected this. I didn't put my boys in blue and since I hate pink anyway wasn't about to put DD in it. she had green/yellow/white like DSs.