Girl and boy babies: different or the same?

[donttrythisathome]

I was interested in what people think about this.
I was very depressed to meet a seemingly educated and intelligent mother of a 1ys DD who said "oh it's great to have a little girl as you can do cooking and drawing with them and they are cuddly unlike boys". I (also the mother of a 1yr DD) replied that there's no reason you can't do those activities with boys to which she replied "oh boys won't sit still".

Was very depressed by this tbh. To me, it's obvious that all babies are different, but because of personality, not gender. I know lots of little girls who are very active, and little boys who like to sit still and cuddle mum.

So sad that from birth babies are pigeonholed like this and encouraged to "be" a certain way. So little girls will sit and draw quietly as that's what's expected and encouraged, and little boys will run wild for the same reasons. In this day and age...

So this is what I think. What about you? And what can i do to help DD be herself and not be pigeon-holed?

she's talking twaddle, obviously!
I have a very cuddly ds1.

Have you read Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine (webchat tomorrow)? It has lots of actual scientific evidence as to why she is wrong and you're right

Hmm - i think in terms of general trends -this is from my experience and some things I have read - which I haven't got references for - young boys - not babies maybe - but once walking do tend to be more active - and need more exercise -than girls - but that is only a trend. And when they start school it doesn't come as easy for them to sit still for long periods of time - and although expectations and encouragment come into it I think there is more to it than that.
my DS1 is very active -and when he was 2 or 3 simply had to be taken outside everyday (or climbed the walls!) but also likes to cook, draw and have cuddles

I think all you can really do is offer the opertunity to do all kind of activities. and demonstrate as much as possible that different genders can do everything
PS my first post on this topic - hello!

welcome

thing, by the time they start school they have had years of having differing expectations drummed into them - boys have been told that they need more running around than girls - so different patterns of behaviour have been set.
it starts at birth - if you hand a baby dressed in pink with a girl's name to someone it will get more eye contact, a baby they are told is a boy will be interacted with more physically.

I'm currently reading Pink Brain, Blue Brain by Lise Eliot. There are very few differences between boys' and girls' brains and most of the differences we assume are due to gender are in fact due to environmental factors. There's a limited amount you can do to avoid these factors outside the home but you can do your best to limit them. Our plan with DD is to encourage everything she does, not just the girlie things, and provide strong role models.

thing is, that should say

seth I read a review of that book and have been meaning to get it. Thanks for the reminder. Wow didn't know about the webchat [excited] crw1234 thanks, yes i do hope to get her doing all kinds of activities.

I wonder why this bullshit is still doing the rounds, given the number of people who have more than one DS or DD and are able to observe for themselves that some kids are physically very active, some are affectionate, some quieter than others and some very noisy irrespective of gender.

link to webchat, 11am tomorrow

I don't know. Obviously a lot of it is social conditioning, but at the same time looking at my friends' toddlers-well, the boys are much more boisterous and less likely to sit still and focus.

I know that DS couldn't sit down at 2 and do several jigsaw puzzles in a row, as DD can. He was definitely louder. DD was into shoes and clothes before she learned to speak. DS wasn't. They play/ed differntly with the same toys (ie DS putting everything apart, DD playing with toys as they were meant to play with by the toys' makers.Etc, etc.

But that's all anecdotal evidence, I realise.

I have one of each dd is 4 ds is 18m. Dd talked v early didn't walk til 17m ds walked at 11m and now at 18m only has a few words. He is massively more clingy and tantrumy than dd was, he bloody loves his cuddles!

He seems more up for playing with toys whereas for dd at his age she was all about the interaction. He can be quite OCD and ritualistic about stuff.

However they are both very very active need lots of time outside and running round, they are both very sociable and both show signs of being very nurturing. Ds likes to play with dolls, role play caring for them same as dd does and he's v v interested in cooking, more so than dd is.

They are different children with a lot of similarities if that makes sense.

winny do you think it's possible you treated them differently? Or their personalities? I know I was surprised a few months ago to realise that I hadn't played many ball games with DD, whereas I'm certain if she was a boy that I would have done. Also I throw her around a lot (you know what I mean, not violently, just up into the air and hang her upside down etc to make her laugh) and it does feel like something people do with a boy but not a girl.

I mean, I don't want her to think so called "boy" things are better either just that, y'know, she can be herself.

Hmm, perhaps...but I did try drawing/jigsaw puzzles etc ie calm play with DS and it didn't work. I kick the ball around with DD every day and encourage her to play on 'advanced' climbing frames, we get physical ie chasing each other etc etc.

I'll ponder it...now I have to get back to reading my book as I have one-on-one tutorial on Sunday

But, yeah, definitely some of it is very subtle and you might not be aware that you're interacting differently with boys and girls.

Read this

www.amazon.co.uk/Delusions-Gender-Science-Behind-Differences/dp/184831163X

then tell her she is talking sh*te

this interesting

pshycologicallly little boys need more nuturing than girls like cuddles etc, girls do become more independent quicker and society goes against this which is very detrimental.

(parents a psychologist) told me this.

Webchat happening right now

My DS (6m) won't sit still for 5 secs, and was really uncuddly even as a newborn.

I don't think it's anything to do with gender though as my friend has a DD who's exactly the same, whilst I have friends with DS's who will sit quietly whilst they read a book to them and are big into cuddles. They're just all different.

It is utter twaddle, it varies from child to child not from boy to girl, girl to boy.