Office banter - or more sinister? Any comments ...

[queribus]

OK, be gentle! I'm a long-time lurker, but feel the need to post with a query or maybe a WWYD.

I work in an open-plan office. It's a bit cliquey and increasing 'laddish' but I get on with my job, think I get on well with most people and generally it's a pleasant place to be.

However, there seems to be a culture developing which makes me uncomfortable. The conversation today really surprised me and actually upset me - but may be I'm being a bit 'precious'.

A couple of men in the office started to discuss the breastmilk ice cream piece that's been in the news. Now, breastfeeding itself I have no problem with, but there was a certain amount of 'leering' to the conversation. Lots of talk about breasts, D-cups, how disgusting it was to use breastmilk etc. I found it all quite uncomfortable and a bit demeaning to listen to. I said nothing.

Later on one of the same men announced to the office that a senior manager had called him a 'puff'. He seemed quite proud of this and was deliberately trying to goad me into saying something. I also found this quite upsetting at the time, but now it's made me angry.

Is it unreasonable to expect to go to work without having to put up with such childish and, frankly, offensive small talk?

Or have I had a sense of humour failure?

Off on school run now but will check back in later.

Don't bite and they'll leave you alone. If you bite it'll only get worse!

If it's making you uncomfortable then it's gone too far. Tbh it sounds like bullying - goading you into reacting then saying you can't take a joke when you react.

I think a useful piece of psychobabble I use a lot is the adult/parent/child idea. They are behaving in the role of children - being 'naughty'. They've cast you in the role of parent - you're expected to stop them having fun and chastise them, then they can say how unfair you are. If you refuse to play by instead acting like an adult (doing as Dittany says, having a word with a manager, saying 'I'm finding this conversation quite uncomfortable, can we change the subject') then you stop the dynamic. I do it with MIL. It helps loads. :)

It seems like you said there goading you.

if you are to retaliate a calm, swift comeback would perhaps work best.

Thanks for the responses. I sort of thought ignoring would be best, but I really feel that this sort of thing is, at best, outdated in the workplace and, at worst, bullying (but I thought I might be over reacting a bit!).

Unrulysun I'm familiar with parent/adult/child and I like you're idea of a response.

Unfortunately, senior management seem to very much part of laddish banter so not eaay to challenge, but I'm certainly going to try.

I find it really tiring that stuff like this takes up my working day when I should just be getting on with my job!

Thanks again.

I find it really tiring that stuff like this takes up my working day when I should just be getting on with my job!

That's exactly what you should say to the management Queribus!