Sexual innuendos in the work place: How many of us have men who behave like this at work?

[DrNortherner]

Went into a store cupboard today, colleague came in behind me 'looking for something' and said "ooooh, I've always wanted to get you in a cupboard". I just laughed it off, but thought about just how inappropriate it was.

He is a senior Director, and we only ever say Hello/Good morning to each other, have never entered into any banter whatsoever. So why did he feel it was acceptable to say it?

Thinking about my work place there are lots of perves and innuendos, anyone elses the same as this?

I think your over reacting a bit.

Would work really be a fun place if we went back to the victorian era. "Ms Smith you seem to be looking for something, can I be of assistance?"

"No Mr Director person, I shall jolly well find it myself"

If its a one off comment I'd let it slide, it was every day and you didnt want them and you made this clear it would be different.

We have the opposite scenarios, said in jest, in our place. Majority female staff with a couple of males, a few male visitors. I think some women staff have made jokey comments re male visitors, esp younger ones, but nothing crude or ott, and def in jest. Still not appropriate though really.

Over-reacting?

I've just mentslly listed my male colleagues and imagined them saying that to me

I would be utterly pissed off by any of them saying it. I'd complain to my manager, actually

Genuinely shocked that someone thinks that is acceptable practice from any colleague, let alone a senir mgr who you are only on "Hello" terms with

definitely inappropriate and not overreacting

no one I work with would behave like that and quite right too

Of course it's inappropriate.

Who does he think he is?

Actually I don't think it's over-reacting. What bothers me is that it is always senior men doing it to junior women. I bet in a thousand years a middle manager woman would never say to a senior director 'ooooh here we are in a cupboard' etc etc
The chief exec of the last place I used to work used to come into the room with me, oooh domesticslattern, we must stop bumping into each other like this, people will talk. etc. It was not fun at all, just used to make me squirm.

How is it going back to the Victorian era to treat one another like professional colleagues and not like sex objects???

We say such things all the time at work. we are close. equal men and wome ( in the contarcts and accounts depts) and and we all joke. " how's ya father", " ooh err missus" and most things we say, are given a joke and often a sexual twist.
lots of people, have said and say to others the kind of things you have said.
BUT, I appreciate that few company's are like ours.

I hope on his part it was just a crass attempt at making humorous conversation - however if it feels inappropriate then thats because it is

I worked for about a year in a greengrocers shop. It was not the most pleasant place to be at times as friends of the owner would visit and comment on whether the female (owner male, son sometimes worked there) staff were "fuckable".

While I did not enjoy the comments, it was the only place I have ever worked where it was acceptable to tell the person to fuck off without facing a warning.

Although then I was told I was "frigid".

Just to make it clear, there is no over reaction. I did not feel threatened one bit. I knew he was joking. Just wanted to have a discussion about why men feel it is appropriate to joke in this way.

'Men' don't find it acceptable to joke in this way.
'Sexist Wankers' find it acceptable to joke in this way.

Good point Grumpla.

Saying that trying to eradicate sexist jokes is going to make life boring is idiotic. This is an attitude that really annoys me. A few years ago, I bet we heard people saying the same about racist jokes, but they are unacceptable now and life can still be funny. And there are some fantastic comedians who manage to be hilarious without being sexist or racist or homophobic etc.

Do people really think that feminists never have anything to laugh about because the only funny things in life are belittling to a group of society and continue the attitude that that group is inferior to the opposite group, or that that group is just a group of objects, not people?

I'd have to say the same as Hulababy, it takes a very secure and stable man to work in primary education in any capacity.
Although it tends to be the TAs who can cross the line and make inappropriate comments that have on occasion caused confusion, distress and embarrassment to the men on staff.
It's not intended as a 'What about the menz?' comment BTW.

Althoufh I didn't answer the OP.
No, the men in my workplace don't tend to make sexist comments, possibly because they are in a minirity and surrounded by women who would challenge them on it. Also because Primary is a strange place for men, with all the scaremongering about paedophilia and the need to see mostly mothers on a regular basis to discuss their children.
So they tend to tread very carefully in the workplace.

Or maybe, Goblinchild, it's because men who are mature enough to be able to buck the trend when it comes to career choices, are also mature enough to not even think about making sexist remarks, let alone actually say them.

Goblinchild - not just the TAs in our staffroom, by any means.

I'm amazed at how butthurt people are over something so simple as a joke

First day on my previous job and the comment I got as I entered the kitchen was "Oh, are you new? great... nice to have someone half decent to look at."
I ignored him, but the interesting thing is that once I got to know this guy, he was polite and respectful towards me and really very nice.

I honestly think that some men simply don't know what to say to women and blurt out the first inappropriate thought that enters their head.

Male socialisation does not prepare them for being normal around women.

... zombie thread .... 🧟‍♀️

I'm amazed by weirdos who resurrect threads from 7 years ago to whinge @si4foo.

And who either name change or sign up just to do so...

The power differential is what makes it even more inappropriate at work.

He’s a senior director. Would he be saying that to a woman on the ladder above him? No I bet he wouldn’t.

yes he would if they worked together for a long period of time and where in the kitchen together like that

it is a joke a cringey bad one but still a joke