can i be a feminist and a sahm?

[carriedababi]

i think i am a feminist, i care deeply about all women, want to help them and make things better for all of us

i am a sahm to my dd age 3
which i enjoy and am happy about
i am happily married to dh.

I am a basic spoilt brat honey xxxxx

I don't see why paid employment makes you a feminist-it is such a small part of who you are.

Interesting point re "true choices" and the pressures patriarchal society puts on women when it comes to deciding to be a SAHM or not.

In many cases, of course, it simply isn't viable for the woman to be a SAHM, economically the partnership needs her salary to help pay for the household costs...and in the longer term, the woman doesn't want to give up her job/career because of future economic prospects (as well as her own self-fulfillment, career desires etc.)

In my case, I'm potentially the higher earner, but I preferred to be a SAHM because of my own inclinations. As a breast-feeding mum, I wanted to be there for my DD and also I didn't see the point of paying a fair amount of my wages to someone else to look after my child when I could do so myself.
(I hasten to add I have absolutely no problem with women who prefer to return to work, this is simply my preference).

DH actually offered several times to be SAHD if I wanted him to, but didn't put on any pressure either way, so it felt like it was genuinely my choice.

He also sees it as his duty to shoulder more than half of the domestic burden (cleaning/cooking/laundry etc.) when he's not at work and is also willing and happy to do any childcare.

I'm lucky because he's pretty enlightened and I genuinely do feel that I've made a choice to commit full-time to motherhood.

Or am I kidding myself?

that was liberal feminism apparently SaF. Although tbf, it wasn't really feminists' fault per se. The patriarchy hijacked the bits of feminism they liked and dumped the rest just like they always do.

I could talk all day about the various incidences of women being duped and manipulated by the patriarchy, believing they were acting for feminism, when in fact the original feminist theory had been completed transformed into a patriarchal agenda by the time the masses caught on.

ABsolutely Dittany,
But it takes us back to the split between public and private sphere that the patriarchy has manufactured . In the past, the home and economic production would have been seamlessly integrated before they appropriated our skills and sold them back to us

I think feminists were right to emphasize women's economic independance, but this was hijacked, and we all know how the media is used by the patriarchy as a tool used to distort the feminist message
SO instead of showing feminism in a holistic way, they just focused on the bits that benefited them. Carework has been devalued even more than it already was, if that was even possible.

I'm a SAHM. I'm also in a very equal marriage where my work is valued as highly, if not more so, by my DH and myself as his. He contributes the pay; I do the bulk of the work of bringing up and educating our children. We share everything 50:50 when he's at home.

But, although this was a choice initially, thanks to the fucking shitty way our patriarchal society is set up, it is no longer a choice. Now I am trapped as a SAHM. Yes, I probably would still choose to do it if I had a choice, but feeling trapped makes me want out IYSWIM - grass is always greener... But I am livid that my earning potential is now far too low for me to ever be the WOHP. It's far too low to be able to afford for childcare for four children.

If society were set up in favour of the primary care-givers for dependent people, then you'd be able to be financially secure in your own right and be your children's primary care giver. It is utterly crap that you have to choose. I'm proud of my work, I don't judge those who don't stay at home, but I do think ideally children shouldn't have to be cared for someone who isn't a close relative but I don't agree that that has to be the mother.

So now, after years of thinking 'I've done alright for myself in this patriarchal society', I am now realising that I am a victim of it too. I'm stuck here, with no way out for very many years and I no longer have a choice.

Oh, I realise I've shit-canned my career although I do think that the type of job I wanted to do would have been incompatible with children anyway (unless you've got a wife)

I can't think about it SaF. UNfathomable, as you say. And then they dosed the slaves with drugs if they showed a bit of their humanity by not being happy as a slave. I seriously can't think about the consequences of knowing the full implications of this, when it comes to men's humanity.

What Flamingo said. My thoughts exactly.