How to deal with this with dignity?

[Thistledew]

The other day I was walking in London with my boss and a client. We stopped on the pavement as the client was going one way and my boss and I the other.

We were saying our goodbyes when I heard someone say "Beep, beep!" followed by something crashing into the back of my legs. I turned around to see a man pushing some bookshelves on a trolley. I was cross that he had crashed into me, but given that he could not see over them, I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he had not seen me, and stepped aside without comment to let him past.

His mate, who had been walking behind him, then stepped up to me and said "Come on darling, you have to shift yourself".

I did not want to be too aggressive in response, partly because I was with my boss and client, and partly because I did not want to lose dignity and stoop to his level, so I just looked at him and said "I am not your darling".

As I walked away with my boss I got a mouthful of abuse from the man.

What is the best way to deal with a situation like this? I don't want to let incidents and attitudes such as this go unchallenged.

I think I would have been more annoyed at being nearly mown down then being told to get out of the way.

I don't particularly like being called darling although context is important. Sometimes it's meant in a genuinely affectionate/friendly way. Other times it's meaningless or patronising.

I live in East London and some FEMALE Asian shop assistants call me (a woman) darling: ie "thank you darling", "no problem darling", etc, etc. That really irritates me too.

I swallow my annoyance as I assume they are not consciously trying to annoy me.

Sounds like a pedantic eye for supposed sexist discrepancies gone mad. I don't know how this falls under misogyny when he's just being rude to you as a human being by whacking something into you without saying sorry.

I agree it's really unpleasant to be called 'darling' when someone's being rude, and he would only use it to a woman, but the problem in this case was the rudeness rather than the habit of sexism IMO.

It was misogynistic because I had moved out of the way, and he chose to tell me to move again (note, tell, not ask me to move). He did not tell my male boss or male client to move, nor did he call them 'darling'.

If he wasn't saying darling to be insulting, why did he respond with abuse when the OP objected?

Not that I'm saying it is always insulting to be called love/sweetheart/darling. Sometimes it is said in a lovely way. I'm kind of thinking this wasn't one of those times.

What I really wanted to say was 'How dare you speak to me that way? What gives you the right?" and to really challenge him on why he considered his behaviour acceptable. But it is not easy to put across a feminist manifesto in a street exchange.

Maybe "Don't call me darling" would be better.

I am searching for some succinct phrases to store up that are non-aggressive, but get the point across quickly. And also don't make me sound to patronising, as I have a quite posh-sounding voice.

you did respond with dignity.

if it had been me, i would have said, "what move again?" and look all confused as if he had just said the most ridiculous thing.

or you could have said to your boss "i think he just called you darling" and made the guy blush.

Good idea Boo - I love doing that. E.g. "alright sweetcheeks?" - "Paul, I think that man just called you sweetcheeks" :). The resulting looks of confusion are wonderful.

Agree btw that you did deal with it with dignity. Good for you for saying anything at all.

It has just come to me that the proper way to have dealt with it would be to have said "Don't call me darling. It's rude, patronising and sexist.". Cool, calm, collected, and gets the message across.

I will have to practice that one.

Wba17, this falls under sexism because the cowardly bully wouldn't have bashed a man in that way.

A man might hit him, you see.

Oh I like what you said to him, well done. I wish I could remember to tell any bloke i'm with that the person just called him love/darling/sexy etc