I'm absolutely shocked by my housemates tonight :(

[ComeAlongPond]

What the title says, really. I live in a house with four other girls at uni, and tonight I had a chat with two of them which revealed that:

1. Housemate A knows her boyfriend visits strip clubs at his uni but she has no problem with it because "he's only young once", "it's his last year at uni and he has to enjoy it," and "if he didn't go he'd only sit at home and wank over porn."

1. Housemate B asked her boyfriend not to go to a peep show when he went to Amsterdam. He said he wouldn't. He did anyway. But it's fine by her and who is she to dictate to him what he can and can't do with his friends? "Besides, it isn't like he slept with a prostitute." (Apparently.)

1. Friend 1, who doesn't live with us, has split up with her on-again-off-again boyfriend of three years because he has been going to strip clubs. She is, according to my housemates, "unreasonable, psycho, controlling, and a bitch to him."

1. Friend 1 "ruined everyone's holiday" last year because she found out the boyfriend had slept with a prostitute and, hysterical, rang his mother. This was, apparently, unacceptable behaviour and "stupid anyway, because the more she bitches to him - and to his own mum! - the more he'll do it just to spite her. She's an idiot. She keeps taking him back, she knows what she's going to get, so you can't feel sorry for her. She's just selfish."

1. The reason I do not have a boyfriend is mainly because, when we're out and (drunken, obnoxious) men approach me and paw at me, I am "rude" to them.

Admittedly Housemate B is, and always has been, one of those people who just make you think, "Ignore, ignore, ignore," almost every time she opens her mouth - she's generally pretty bigotted about everything and voted BNP in the election, so the things she says are usually mad (doesn't make her boyfriend's behaviour okay, but her judgement on Friend 1 isn't surprising). But Housemate A is - I always thought - normal. I'm completely shocked.

(Apologies for the uselessness of this post by the way. I just had to say something.)

They must drive you up the wall. Surely there must be better people to live with?

I didn't know the BNP one before we moved in. The other one I had no idea until tonight! There are two others in the house and they're sane, which is something. Not really possible to move though - I think I'd still have to pay rent for the rest of the term. Besides, we're only here until June; third year so the degree is almost over and we'll all be moving our separate ways. Plus we're on holiday for pretty much all of April, so we're living together for such a short time that it's not really worth the hassle or the money to move.

Agree - def make them a feminist project. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to turn these women into feminists by the end of your degree!

What! We only have about twelve weeks of term time left then it's over! Do I look like superwoman to you?

I will do my best. But it might take longer than the end of my degree!

I wonder are those sort of attitudes widespread or are you just unlucky?

I am assuming you're in your early 20's if you're at college? Sorry if I'm wrong. But 10 years ago when I was at college and flatsharing, partying, messing about I never ran into anyone with those sort of ideas.

Have things really changed so much in 10 years?

I'm not shocked by it. I'm 24 and so many people I know think you need a man to be complete, even if it means accepting totally unreasonable behaviour. I wonder if this is due to media? Tv programs like sex and the city and magazine with lots of articles about how to please your man/find a man/keep a man. I also think women now have become very accepting of the sex industry. It's everywhere and if you frown on it people think you are a prude. Many of my friends go to pole dancing classes and lap dancing bars are on high streets.

Buy some copies of Filament and leave those lying around...

Where can you get Filament? I've been looking (in vain, so far) for a feminist magazine to read (and maybe leave lying around )

Ok...just tried to google Filament and the library computer I'm on blocked it for adult content [naive] What is it!?!?

Ah. Filament is a feminist magazine but it's one that contains pics of nekkid men.
You can buy it online or if you want, you can PM me and buy one from me as I have some in stock.

So looking at pictures of 'nekkid' men is ok then?!

Sorry, but if you're trying to educate or convert your flatmates (who sound like they really need it!), then this, surely, would weaken any argument you might have!

I think in this case it might promote discussion.

Well it might - but it gets you off on the wrong kind of footing, IMO. Seems a bit hypocritical.

However, anything that prompts open discussion is, I suppose, better than nothing.

'in stock'? Do you have a shop, SGB?

Interested in the argument though - isn't it just as wrong to objectify men as it is to objectify women?

I would imagine that if these girls are anything like the very similar-sounding people I've come across, they're probably perfectly familiar with Cosmo's male centrefolds. I doubt the odd 'nekkid man' is going to bring about a sudden conversion.

FB: I do various market stalls and have a website.
I don't think it's wrong to enjoy looking at pictures of attractive people naked - or indeed to enjoy looking at porn or erotica of any kind. I am a supporter of ethical porn ie stuff which is made with consenting, enthusiastic and properly-paid participants (and also which has something interesting to say).

This reminded me of 'Living dolls - the return of sexism', your housemates sound like some of her informants and as I was reading i couldn't really believe it was possible. I'm only half way through but finding it very readable - could be worth leaving a copy around...

SGB - where is your website?