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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Sexist mothers of boys

71 replies

MsLIne · 15/01/2011 08:26

Am I alone in being really shocked by the casual sexism of mother's of boys ???

I quote " Because he's a boy he likes a challenge" !! This is from a female lawyer who would be furious if, in her workplace someone said the same about men in the workplace - the inference being, women don't need a challenge !

"it's much easier with boys' only parties" so whilst my daughter is good friends with this boy, her gender precluded her. If It was a 'white's only' or 'blacks only' part - such casual racism would rightly be abhorred.

This spills over to the playgroup ' you can't play you're a girl " !!!

I've told my daughter it's illegal to preclude girls from anything....

Are mother's of daughters also guilty of sexism against boys ?

OP posts:

Gracie123 · 15/01/2011 15:29

I know I'll get flamed for this but...

The reason toys and clothes for children a so gender differentiated is because that is what sells!

Toys r us have been sued several times for gender discrimination and for having 'boys world' and 'girls world' sections of the shop, but every time it gets over turned, because all focus groups and Market research proves that they are more profitable when they differentiate in this way. Children do want different stuff. There is nothing to stop you buying whatever you or your child want, regardless if gender, but marketing will always appeal to the majority, and the majority of girls want different toys/clothes than the majority of boys.

TheSmallPrint · 15/01/2011 15:51

My DS was always a fairly gentle boy and when my friend had a rather 'enthusiastic' boy she accused mine of not being normal to justify his behaviour .

He is almost 7 and is quite happy to play with girls who don't mind playing with him. One of his oldest friends however is having a make up party and therefore he is not invited.

I think on Child of our times they had a bit about how boys and girls start not wanting to play with each other due to fitting in\ social acceptance into a group similar to them hence boys groups and girls groups and as they get older and more able to deal with social groups they lose their dislike of the other sex - well something like that anyway although I suspect a lot keep it well into adulthood.

Takver · 15/01/2011 16:46

Gracie123 - "Children do want different stuff." - surely it would be more to the point from what you have said to say that "parents buy different stuff". . . Clearly, it is more profitable to differentiate, since it reduces the opportunities for hand me downs, sharing, etc.

I have yet to be convinced that, without marketing & stereotyping, the majority of girls want fundamentally different clothes & toys.

Interestingly, I would say that the gender differentiation I see here where I live, and in dd's school/friends, is less intense than I hear described here on MN.

I do wonder if it is because there are no ToysRUs, big superstores & the like for an awful long way (and indeed until quite recently with digital the tv reception was really crap for an awful lot of houses), so maybe the average level of exposure to all this stuff is just less.

Certainly in school there was a phase of more gender separation in friendships in reception/yr 1, but now in yr 3/4 it seems more mixed, from what dd says girls and boys play football, tag etc.

Takver · 15/01/2011 16:47

Sorry, meant to say

the majority of girls want fundamentally different clothes & toys from boys

BelleDameSansMerci · 15/01/2011 16:47

mamatomany I know that I am guilty of the same sort of emphasis with my DD. I am confident that I won't be having any more children but I imagine I would behave differently if I had a girl and a boy.

I am trying so hard not to encourage my DD(3.4) into traditional girls' toys, etc, but it's a losing battle at the moment. We went out a couple of weeks ago because I wanted to buy her a "starter" Scelextric track. She didn't want it. She wanted a princess dress and some high-heeled play shoes. The trouble is, of course, that she sees me in nice clothes and high heels when I go out and wants the same. She doesn't like my very fast car because it is black and not red. I find myself treading a fine line between trying to encourage gender neutrality and not policing her taste.

HellinArcher · 15/01/2011 17:05

LadyBiscuit Sat 15-Jan-11 12:44:34:
"I have tried to bring my DS up in as much of a gender neutral way as possible and he still comes out with stuff like 'girls can't do X' and gets upset when the girls teams win on Kerwhizz. "

I have never watched Kerwhizz but I would imagine that while shows such as this, or mixed schools, or anywhere really, persist in having a "girls" team and a "boys" team or in openly comparing the boys with the girls that we will continue to pit boys against girls in seemingly innoccuous ways - but all that does is convince both genders that theirs has somehow to be inherently "better".

Ormirian · 15/01/2011 17:07

"Are mother's of daughters also guilty of sexism against boys ?"

Yes.

It works both ways without a doubt.

LadyBiscuit · 15/01/2011 17:22

Hellin - Kerwhizz has three teams - each made up of a cartoon child/person and a weird made up animal. :o Two of the teams are led by girls, one by a boy. The boy seems to hardly ever win (perhaps that's because I can't tell the difference between the girl teams though).

There are real children supporting each of the characters but they are mixed gender. I have pointed out to my DS that there are girls and boys supporting his hero but he ignores me.

HellinArcher · 15/01/2011 19:17

LadyB - am quite pleased I have never had to waste any of my life so far watching in that case!

LeninGrad · 15/01/2011 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder · 15/01/2011 19:19

Blimey I agree with pag prescious in teh extreme.

LadyBiscuit · 15/01/2011 19:57

Yep, I really could have lived without it Hellin :(

Gracie123 · 16/01/2011 08:28

belle why does it bother you if your daughter wants a princess dress? If she doesn't like scalectrix, it should be no more offensive than if my son doesn't like it, surely - otherwise we are treating children differently by gender on the basis that we want them to be controversial, not fit in. Either way it is differentiating on sex.

Let your daughter choose what she likes, if she asks your opinion, don't push her towards pink and fluffy because 'that's what girls like' but equally, don't squash that side of her personality if it is genuinely her taste.

BelleDameSansMerci · 16/01/2011 09:41

Gracie, she got the princess dress and the shoes. I'm not moderating her taste. I wouldn't do that.

It bothers me because I don't want her choices to be shaped by what society dictates is for girls/boys and I have no idea if that's what happened here.

I feel very strongly that girls are still expected to behave differently (more "nicely") than boys and they are encouraged into different areas for play. I suppose I am trying to encourage her to be how she is not how she is expected to be, if that makes sense. That, of course, includes being "princessy" if she wants to be.

StewieGriffinsMom · 16/01/2011 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dadtojet1 · 30/06/2015 15:34

I love this. I can't actually believe that the majority of you are having disscussions on sexisim. So let me get this right, your all joined up to a site for mums. a site for females and no mention of fathers or males in the title of the site then your complaining about how boys become sexist. Look at the bigger picture. Your gender typing this site for females. I wonder what other things you gender type children pick up these things from parents your probably responsible for your childs sexist views with out even knowing about it.

Lio · 30/06/2015 15:52

Just to highlight the zombie alert: this thread dates from four-and-a-half years ago.

BakingCookiesAndShit · 30/06/2015 20:43

Hey, dad, why don't you fuck off and start your own whiny thread?

BakingCookiesAndShit · 30/06/2015 20:43

and learn how to spell you utter troglodyte.

RufusTheReindeer · 30/06/2015 21:43

Are you my brother? It's just dadtojet sounds a bit familiar

I'm serious...do you have any more children?

MagicalHamSandwich · 06/07/2015 07:23

Father of girls, sexism goes both ways and is entirely out of character:

He's a co-worker and we normally get on like a house on fire. Great dad to girls IMO (generally) and definitely a feminist ally I appreciate having at the office. And then he came out with this gem:

'I'm going to have to buy a gun when my girls hit their teens. You have no idea of what men are really like!'

Gave him a right bollocking:

Sexist against men: who says that make sexuality is inherently toxic and aggressive? You've set a great example that this is not the case yourself!
Pater familias much? You don't own or control your daughters' sexuality and any attempt on your part to do so is sexist and creepy!
Ever considered that women might be total pigs, too? Just because we're not socialized to aggressively display our sexuality in public doesn't mean we're all innocent and can't imagine having intense sexual desires for someone! Also: there's a world of difference between thinking (none of your business) and acting (potentially a criminal offense).

Work to instill a sense of self-worth in your girls and make sure they know about boundaries and expect others to heed theirs. Then step the hell back and get over the fact that your daughters will one day be adults with (hopefully fulfilling) sex lives!

To his credit he acknowledged he was way out of line. That having been said: it's not unusual IME for parents of any gender to lose sight of their usual level-headedness when it comes to their kids.

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