Eloquent MNers - can you help me articulate the problem with my manager's attitude?

[BerylStreep]

I have been having some issues in work lately. There are other threads about it, but basically I work PT in a male dominated environment. It is a very macho culture.

My employers are placing me under enormous pressure to increase my hours. I have recently had surgery on my shoulder, and have said I am not physically able to increase my hours because of the constant pain and fatigue I experience.

Every time I have had a meeting with my manager about this, he trots out the same old lines, and they really, really annoy me, but I can't exactly articulate what it is I object to.

For instance:
'We have been more than flexible with you to date.'
'We allowed you to commence flexible working 2 years ago.'
'I allowed you to work at the weekend (twice, a year & half ago) so I have been more than flexible.'
'We have been very helpful and supportive over the years.'
The language is very much 'I allowed you to do', whereas in fact, work is a contractual arrangement.

It is almost as if I am supposed to be grateful for being allowed to work pt, and as a result, his current overbearing behaviour (which is most probably discrimination under DDA as well) can be justified. The only word I can think of is paternalistic, and it almost has the tone of an exasperated parent, but I am hoping some of you can help me put my finger on it a bit better.

I have countered these endless pious comments with highlighting that I have also been flexible (willing to change working days, working extra unpaid hours to deliver on deadlines etc), but the attitude still really annoys me.

Can you help me collate my thoughts and define this a bit better?

they're trying to get rid of you, this is the language of someone who is getting his case straight to justify it but knows that there are rules about this kind of thing.
I bet you anything the increase in hours is purely because they think it will make you leave and not for a moment because it is necessary to the job.

don't trust them an inch and start looking for a new job because you don't want to work with these wankers.

you may be fantastic at your job but it doesn't matter because they have convinced themselves you are inflexible and unreasonable.

Seth, I think you are right. Reading through the minutes of the meetings, there are lots of references to employer being reasonable.

Just because they say it, doesn't actually mean it is.

I still think there is an underlying animosity, both from my manager, but also the wider organisation, towards women who work part-time. The perception is that we are slackers, when in fact the opposite is the case. Not sure if it is just limited to my area of work.

He is just an idiot trying to pressure you without actually talking to you and asking sensibly.

and re contract - you are right its not a 'favour' that you have part time hours -if you were getting paid full time and being let off that's one thing - perhaps pointing out his idiocy would be good, ask him how many hours you get paid for, then when he answers, pause, look a bit confused and then say 'so where's the favour?' as if you are honestly asking, then treat every answer with bemusement and say 'well everything seems fine then doesn't it??'

I had aboss who agreed I could come in late whilst engineering works were on then blamed me for being late every day and 'upsetting the team' what a tit :)

Well, unfortunately it appears this is escalating into bullying. I received an e-mail from my manager on Monday asking me to explain how I had worked my 'contracted 6.5 hours on Friday'.

We were on a course together, and I went home afterwards at lunch-time, having worked 25 hours that week (which is what my contracted hours are - 25/week, not 6.5/day). He knows I went home after the course. I think he saw this as an opportunity to seize on an apparent misdemeanor.

I am middle management, and it is unheard of for individuals of my grade to have to check in & out with their managers in terms of time-keeping. My manager is responsible for 4 individuals of a similar grade to me (all FT except me) and he does not take a forensic interest in their time-keeping.

I provided him with the details of hours I had worked that week (25), and highlighted that I thought this was bullying and victimisation as a result of the ongoing discussions around my hours and DDA and copied it to the Head of HR (who has been present at these meetings) and my staff association.

I haven't been in the office since to find out what the response, if any, has been.

Seth, looking for a new job isn't really that simple - the field I work in only has one employer, I have been there for 18 years.

poor you, I'm so sorry to hear it.
good luck.

Sorry to hear this. Are you in a union? Can you seek their advice?

I spoke with my staff association rep the other day, and he has said he will see if he can get some funding for legal advice on this. I don't want to get embroiled in a legal battle over this - I just want to get on and do my job without this clown making life difficult for me. I am hoping that a carefully worded legal letter advising they are aware of the situation and watching developments with interest may help temper his actions. (However, there is every possibility that it could inflame the situation and make matters worse - my manager just cannot seem to listen to reason.)

That this has escalated to bullying has wider repercussions - my manager is the single individual in our organisation (of circa 9k people) who makes decisions regarding misconduct action. IMO this raises questions about his ability to perform in his role in a non-discriminatory and impartial manner. Our organisation has just paid out over 60k to someone who was in a similar situation (but with much worse health issues ), and my manager was involved in the discrimination by bringing unwarranted misconduct action against her. She didn't work directly for him though.

Sounds horrible Beryl :(

just a quick bit of advice to add...

have you checked your home contents insurance. sounds daft, but they normally have legal advice available for free as part of their terms. i had no idea I had this coverage, until i needed it.

my insurance paid for my legal work with an employment claim. very useful.

Sorry meant to add more but I had to run.

Have you had a meeting where you both have your contract to hand, and you go through it together in the presence of HR person? Then you could ask him the question "what do you need me to do to demonstrate that I'm working the hours agreed in the contract?" That might be you emailing him a brief line every day to describe how many hours you've worked that day. You shouldn't have to do this but if he's got a bee in his bonnet you might have to bore him to death with daily reports until he realises he's being a cock.

Because that might draw everyone back onto the real issue - you have a contract of agreed hours and he doubts that you are working those hours. The fact that he wants you to work more hours is a separate issue. (Makes me wonder why he wants you to work more hours if he thinks you're such a slacker )

Elephants, this is the third time he has queried my hours in as many months, although this time was more aggressive. The last two occasions were I had changed my rest day in order to accommodate a work meeting, and he had been on leave so I couldn't tell him - I had advised my 2 colleague; the other where he said 'you didn't come in until 10am last Friday', when in fact I had been at a meeting.

Each occasion I explained the situation, and although I had already done so before, I e-mailed him the link to where I record my hours worked on a spreadsheet so that he can check it whenever he wants. I have also given him access to my outlook calendar so he can see my diary. I know for a fact that he has never looked at the spreadsheet, because I can audit who has accessed it.

This is so reflective of his attitude of PT workers, which is, I believe, the following:
He's doing me a massive favour by 'allowing' me to work part-time.
I should therefore be grateful, and be prepared to give in to his overbearing insistence that I work longer hours.
PT workers are not that committed.
PT workers are slackers and try to dodge working the hours they are pad for.

Aaargh.

He sounds like a real twat Beryl.

I'm just saying that if he is, essentially, pretending to think you are not working the hours you should be, and possibly gearing up to get rid of you on this basis, you might need to try overkill. Explain to him (copy HR) that you understand that he is keen to keep track of when everyone is working, and that you will be letting him know daily from now on. Then email every day and copy in HR, at the same time as you record your hours on spreadsheet possibly?

Not sure how good my advice is, but I'm thinking along the lines of being over over nice to deal with a difficult customer.

Do you have an over-boss btw? Above twathead?

Beryl; he is an arse and is clearly trying to force you out indirectly. You are doing all the right things. You should carry on accounting for your time keeping and whereabouts by email (boring I know) but make sure you cc copies of the emails to HR. Keep the tone of your responses neutral at all times. If he knows HR are receiving copies of all of his anbd your emails it might force him to tone down his attitude. If he makes comments to you verbally, make a record of them and date/time them. Tell him you are doing this as well.

Good luck.

I would post this in Employment. There are some amazing women that post there that really know their stuff.

I would do as spidookly says. I would also keep emphasising the point in any e-mails/meetings that you have that he is treating you differently to other members of staff at your post level - for no good reason.

Thanks for the replies. It really helps.

I received the response from my line manager today, full of self-justification, and claiming there was no intent to bully. In his e-mail he has said that he now requires me to notify him in advance of any meeting I attend. This is pure madness!

I spoke with our equality & diversity manager today. She was very supportive, and is encouraging me to make a formal complaint of bullying and harassment against him.

I know these things can be all-consuming, so I would really prefer not to - I just don't have the emotional energy to get embroiled in a row, especially knowing that it could become really nasty.

Instead, (or possibly as a first step) she is going to have a 'quiet word' with my manager's boss, to tell him to back off.

Jeez, it is such a sexist organisation.

BerylStreep are you a member of a union? If not I reckon you should join one sharpish!

threefeet - in my area of work we are not allowed unions. We have a staff association, which is a sort of approximation, and which I am a member of.

I have spoken to my staff association rep, and he is going to try to arrange some legal advice.

Yes there are a tiny number of organisations that aren't allowed unions for political security reasons but other than that your workplace might not recognise the union (eg don't meet with them for for pay negotiations) but you still have a legal right to join one. And receive their help and advice.

Alice, mine is one of them - we can't join unions. However the staff association is reasonable. One of the reps has spoken to the manager about this (man to man chat - don't get me started, I am extremely grateful for him speaking on my behalf, but it makes me mad that my manager will not listen to me, but is prepared to have a guys talk).

Nonetheless, things are rapidly descending to the point of no return. I have been e-mailing my manager my hours, in an effort to demonstrate that I am doing them, and he has e-mailed back to say that I cannot take my lunch at the time I was taking it (1.25pm). FFS! I am in an office which is not public facing, and there is no reason for this. I asked him if he could advise what he considered a reasonable time for lunch would be - he replied it was for me to determine!??

It is awful, I have spent the last 2 days at work with the office door closed, in tears. I can't sleep (have been up from 3am this morning), and am crying at home. I normally enjoy m work, and have great pride in it. I feel like I am being attacked, and my integrity questioned.

The Head of HR has intervened, and has told my manager he is no longer allowed to e-mail me or discuss with me any aspect of my hours. The head of HR has also suggested the use of mediation to try to improve matters. I have agreed to do it, but I very much doubt how useful it is going to be.

I know this should probably be in employment, but I am convinced this is a sexism issue. My manager seems to have such ingrained prejudices against women / part-time workers, and seems to think I should just give in to him, despite all the legislation which prevents him from increasing my hours / harassing me. He has intimated to HR that his view of me is that I am disrespectful towards him, I don't work the hours I am paid for (strange that he has only raised this following my refusal to increase my hours) and I don't like being managed. He is partially right, in that I dislike being singled out for this scrutiny and micro-management, which has never occurred before, and does not happen with other staff he manages.

Thankfully, the head of Equality & Diversity has arranged for me to work from home for the next few days so I do not need to be in the office near him.

It's pretty crap.

It is a sexism issue but the women in employment are experts in this and I really think that you will get a useful perspective from them. They will know what to do and what your rights are and so on. you could link to this thread rather than repeating it all over again.

I can't believe you have to notify him whenever you have a meeting, that's ridiculous. If he does not require any of the other people at our level who he manages to do that, then it's clearly discrimination or bullying or something, I'd have thought.

Whether that does you any good or not, i do't know. It's worth telling the HR people who have intervened though i think.

Does he have ANY evidence to substantiate his demands that you email him before every meeting, his repeated questioning of the hours you're working and ANY reason whatssoever to question the time you take lunch?????? Ooh he's pissing me off and I don't know you from Adam.

Oh Beryl this is shit and has gone way beyond anything that could be construed as a misunderstanding/difference of opinion or personality. As SQ says it is a sexism issue and I think that it is bullying. Just keep all the e-mails, dates & times of conversations and any other records. It will really build up an accurate picture of his discrimination against you. It sounds to me like he is actually digging himself a hole - which is a good thing.

I can forsee a problem in that now HR have suggested mediation, what happens if that doesn't work? Would they actually do anything about him? And if they do would that actually have the desired affect or would it push his discrimination underground IYSWIM, and he just gets more canny and more sly about his digs and what he expects of you? I am just worried for you and I think you need legal advice.

I have threatened my workplace with solicitors when they were trying to discipline me over some absolute ridiculous thing which was actually part of my job description. And I didn't have as much evidence as you have. It worked and they backed off immediately and decisviely. As a number of people have said the employment section is really good on MN. Use it.