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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

The right to leave the house..

9 replies

countless · 03/01/2011 14:57


i've been thinking a lot about the inequalities between the sexes in relationships revealed in many of the threads i've read recently.

mostly i'm baffled at the male supremacy that many women enable, in bloody 2011. but reflecting on my own house i've realised that the inalienable right to just leave the house at any moment without any dc is dh's and not mine. we both check with each other that our plans won't clash but i seem to have to prepare and plan more whereas dh has an outrageous sense of entitlement (wanted to strike out but don't know how!) doesn't have the same sense of primary resposibilty for dc as i have had foisted upon me

hmm, i don't how that happened

is it the same for other people?

OP posts:
NormaStanleyFletcher · 03/01/2011 14:58


We always check with each other, equally.

NeilsBoar · 03/01/2011 15:14


We both work; me full-time, DW part-time. I have DS on one day a week and DW has him 3 days per week, 2 days per week he is in nursery and one day a week we are both 'off' and the assumption is we are both around to do stuff together with DS unless pre-arranged otherwise...

If I can't do my day(s) for any reason I'm expected to arrange alternate child-care, likewise for DW (although as I work for myself I can cover for her easier than she can cover for me).

misscph1973 · 03/01/2011 15:19

countless, you raise a very good point there. I am the same - I don't seem to be able to leave the house on a whim - I am not sure how that happened!

Maybe it sort of came as a natural extension of having been on maternity leave with both kids for 11 months each - it sort of carries on.

Whenever I do leave the house for more than 30 min. it's always with plans, lists and emergency numbers behind me!

I'm from Denmark. There was a really interesting article in the Guardian yesterday comparing DK and UK family life:

Goblinchild · 03/01/2011 15:23

Time to reset the balance countless, and have a conversation about equality of expectations.
If it's just occurred to you, and you are the one being restricted, it might not have occurred to your partner that it's unequal.

sarah293 · 03/01/2011 15:23

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scouserabroad · 03/01/2011 15:27

It's like that in our house, Countless, and I don't know how it happened. Now it's even worse because Dh works away and is only home one day a week.

I am currently unemployed but it made no difference when I was working - I was always the default child carer!

Not sure how to redress the balance tbh, if I just walk out saying "Bye, see you later!" Dh doesn't say anything but he is quite off with me when I get back and fairly I'm sure he would complain say something if I made a regular habit of just going out.

KangarooCaught · 03/01/2011 15:38

Just as I was reading this dh said "I'm off out" Grin and then said 'do you want any shopping doing? If you think of anything text me.' which in my book is fine. He came back yesterday with chocolate (despite the tonne we have left from Xmas) so he's feeling my pmt!

I do just go out though and leave him to it, (am on mat leave), he's an adult and perfectly capable of looking after 3 dcs. We wouldn't have had dcs if he wasn't.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/01/2011 12:46

I leave the house without the DDs more often than DH does (he has no life of his own).

I'm afraid this is a personal thing - it's just a situation you have allowed to happen and will need to rectufy.

snowflake69 · 04/01/2011 18:16

I am always out without our daughter. I get loads of time to myself and way more than my husband.

I dont think I have ever gone a full week looking after her by myself since she was born.

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