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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Social Services punish mothers for DV

340 replies

SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 00:18

Why do they do this?
Why is it that no-one is under any obligation to keep the abuser away from the mother, and yet the mother has a responsibility to keep her children away from the abuser?
The very fact that the authorities need the mother to "prove" she is taking steps to keep the children save show that they believe the husband is abusive/violent. ANd yet it's not him who is hounded or punished.
I'm so Angry at hearing women whose partners are given bail after committing some atrocity against their wife or children, only to do it again as soon as they get back home, and for the mother to be told she is endangering her children.
The law is so backward Sad
Surely if the man is known to be abusive, you take steps to remove him from the home????

OP posts:
Dansmommy · 21/12/2010 00:57

You don't seem to have a point, tbh. Can you answer my question?

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 00:57

I just can't get over the fact that the onus is on the mother to leave the abuser, and there is no obligation on the authorities to swiftly and efficiently remove the abuser from the home.

OP posts:
Dansmommy · 21/12/2010 00:58

Actually, tbf, you do have a point...but it's not related to your OP.

Dansmommy · 21/12/2010 00:59

Assuming the non-abusive parent is an adult, then he/she is choosing to live with the abuser...how do you suppose SS are supposed to get involved?

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 01:00

it is related to the OP
The word "punish" does sound as though I think SS as an organization are out to get mothers, when in truth, I don't think this so sorry if the OP was misleading

BUt the fact is that the system does punish mothers, disproportionately, for the crimes of fathers

OP posts:
WhyHavePets · 21/12/2010 01:00

Now you are just drawing assumptions with no basis to try and prop up your point, sorry.

It is not mothers who have responsibility in a violent relationship, it is the returner. The person who chooses to live in a relationship thy know is violent and in which their dc are in danger.

Gender is not the point, regardless of what you want to think.

FWIW family court is based on a childs right to have access to both parents not a parents right to have access to a child. I am a bit of a vetran of the courts and I have not liked very much that they have done but I can clearly see that they have stuck to their remit - to give the child access to both parents in as safe an environemnt as possible, as is the right of the child.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 21/12/2010 01:00

if SS make a visit to a house where a man has been violent to his partner and both parents are there to see the social worker do you honestly think that social worker will direct all questions and warnings to teh mother???

more likely that when SS are called to visit, it is the result of a violent row and someone calling teh police or SS with concerns about teh child. SS usually call beforehand to arrange a visit. now if you were that abuser, would you stick around to have that chat??? no you would fu*k right off and leave your partner to take the flack. statistically more women are victims of DV than men, so onviously, the partner that is left to meet with teh SW is female and is teh one who will be given teh advice and warnings.

this is not a ploy on SS behalf to punish women.

tethersjinglebellend · 21/12/2010 01:00

I think this is going round in circles.

Goodnight all.

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 01:01

I think SS, together with the police should arrest the father and not let him out on bail

OP posts:
Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 01:02

whyhavepets sorry you have missed my point. Dansmommy has got it. PRobably my fault for not explaining, but your posts are talking about something different

OP posts:
Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 01:03

Ilove I have already said I know it's not a ploy. All the people who think I think it's a ploy have misunderstood. It's a design fault, not a ploy

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 21/12/2010 01:04

SS cannot arrest people. why can you not see that SS have no authority to remove adults???

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 21/12/2010 01:04

i know i was typing when you posted that bit.

Saltatrix · 21/12/2010 01:04

I am not sure what your saying SS aim is to protect the children not punish anyone.

Dansmommy · 21/12/2010 01:04

"BUt the fact is that the system does punish mothers, disproportionately, for the crimes of fathers"

How does it? You keep saying that, but how?

A child will not be removed if there is no abuse in the home. Therefore, if your partner is abusive to your children, you must leave/make them leave. If you choose not to do this, you are facilitating abuse, and yes, for that you should be 'punished'.

WhyHavePets · 21/12/2010 01:05

ah, now the point that the abuser has to be left by the abused rather than being removed, that I can undewrstand - although that is true regardless of dc being involved.

However this is a problem with proof of an action which occurs behind closed doors and woul, possibly, have a massive affect on the accused life - even if it were not true! I have no idea how you get around that one but it is still a police issue and not an ss one.

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 01:05

Then why don't SS and the police aim to protect the chidren by using their power to remove, arrest and jail the father?

OP posts:
Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 01:07

Why do they threaten the mother, when they know the father is the abuser?
FOrget about getting the mother to leave, just arrest the father ASAP, and no pussyfooting around

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 21/12/2010 01:07

'you must leave/make them leave. If you choose not to do this, you are facilitating abuse, and yes, for that you should be 'punished'.'

It's not exactly punished though, more replaced. Or overruled. If you have a duty of care to the child/ren and you are not carrying that out, SS step in to provide that duty of care.

Dansmommy · 21/12/2010 01:09

Well I agree, I think child abusers should be locked up and the key thrown away, but the sad fact is that many women allow these men back into the home. By doing this they are failing their children. If SS did not remove the children they'd be failing them too.

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 01:09

I think SS should be given power to collaborate with the police in order to remove the abuser from the home.

WHy do they not have this power?

OP posts:
tethersjinglebellend · 21/12/2010 01:10

"Then why don't SS and the police aim to protect the chidren by using their power to remove, arrest and jail the father?"

Because they can't- SS can't. The police can. The police don't remove the children. You keep grouping the police and SS together- they have completely different remits.

Dansmommy · 21/12/2010 01:10

Goblinchild, I agree, I was just trying to stick with the OPs original wording.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 21/12/2010 01:10

because teh abuser doesn't stick around to be threatened do they?? would you sit in to be told you are a violent abuser? if you are that sort of person you aren't going to take that are you? you probably know your temper will flare and you will prove yourself teh thug that you are, not good when most abuser pride themselves on being mr niceguy to the general public.

Goblinchild · 21/12/2010 01:11

You need evidence to arrest someone, don't you?
If the victim of DV won't back a case, or withdraws the accusation from fear or misguided belief that the aggressor will change, there isn't enough justification to arrest someone.
SS do sometimes do Place Of safety removals whilst accompanied by the police in case of assault or attempts to block their removal of the child/ren.
If the aggressor attacks them, they will prosecute.