If there is such a thing as a ''sisterhood'' why do I find that so many women are mean to me?

[poshsinglemum]

I do want a sisterhood and I have some lovely female friends but also some women have been very mean to me.

This seems to be to do with sexual competetiveness and in relation to men.
I've had married women comment about my single status (hate the word spinster) and some of my single friends have competed with me ruthlessly when a man was in the equasion.

I find that when women get jealous they can be quite cruel (hard hat on).

Men can also be pretty vile at tikmes.

My question is; If sexual competetion is inevitable can there really7 be a sisterhood. i know that the patriarchy puts impossible beauty ideals on us but as one of our prime reasons for being here is to mate; isn't it natural to compete for men?

Orm if there are not many men worth fighting over wouldn't there be much fighting over those men

Sorry but my experience is that mixed groups have a very different dynamic to single sex groups. You can blame it on "our widdle inferior brains" being distracted if you wish sm, with your customary wit and charm.

BTW I work with men almost exclusively, have done for most of my career, and I find it much easier to be an honorary bloke.

im exploring why you think women are nicer in absence of men

your statement is quite derisory to women

Ok I revise that statement - there are no men worth fighting over Not one!

Why? I don't know. Why do you think? Explore away.

well i dont think it,is your hypothesis afterall

I would also maintain that men are often nicer without women about - hence why I play the part of honorary bloke. Is that derisory to men?

I find the concept of a "sisterhood" very odd. Shouldn't there be a "personhood"? Why should I be extra nice to someone simply because they have the same sexual organs as me? Shouldn't I be nice to everyone?

(watching Apprentice so sorry if this has already been said)

It isn't a hypothesis. It's an observation.

Proles' and Elf's posts above have made me think about 'sisterhood' having not really given it any thought before.
I suppose it means - disagree with individual women, dislike them, compete with them - but don't join in with typical woman bashing. The weight/housework/good v bad mother sticks that women normally get bashed with.

I don't think it's about being extra nice to other women just because they are women. To me it means NOT being nasty to women just because they are women and might be thiner/ more attractive/ have better clothes/jobs/boyfriend blah de blah de blah than you.

By all means if someone has been a cow to you then bash away or if someone has abhorent views but because someone has a better handbag etc. hmmmmmm.

well perhaps anyone fick enough to discriminate on weight or handbag wont wrestle with finer points of what does/doesn't constitute sisterhood

You don't need brains for empathy

"To me it means NOT being nasty to women just because they are women and might be thiner/ more attractive/ have better clothes/jobs/boyfriend"

To me what you have described there is "not being a bitch".

actually empathy has an intellectual component,the ability to intellectualise how some one else mental and emotional feeling.the ability to apply understanding and depth to someone else situation

not much brains needed for sympathy though as that is a more raw knee jerk reaction.more transient than empathy

not dissing someone about wt or handbag is simply not being bitchy.nothing to do with sisterhood.at all

Not being a bitch seems then to be a big component of sisterhood.
I suppose the crux is whether you have trust that others are being sisterly back.
For a true sisterhood you would need both, I expect.

Agree sm & Trillian- plenty of threads on here are full of women congratulating each other on style and appearance (even handbags ), whilst simultaneously swapping dangerous dieting tips and reminding each other how to stay attractive for men.

Everyone is being nice to each other, but I would not call it 'sisterhood'.

I like to think that there is solidarity between like-minded people within feminism on many issues (just the same as within any other ideology). But unless all women are feminists then the sisterhood can never be all-encompassing in the sense of your OP.

I operate on a "no collusion" basis as much as possible, although I find it a real stretch sometimes, mainly in the "do I challenge that?" arena. Same for racism, ageism etc.

naturally people seek others of ideological compatibility.but the other doesnt have to be female,nor is it necessarily sisterhood

but we group and gravitate as social beings to those who share our values to some extent

i don't know. sometimes i feel that although men are also factional and pitted against one another in daily life, they have a basic, automatic response of respect for each other that i just don't witness in the same way between women who aren't friends.

The only man i observe on a daily basis for any length of time is my own dh so it doesn't really qualify what i'm saying very well, but i'll use him as my example anyway.

Although i can tell he does feel threatened by other men he meets (taller, better looking, better job, 'more my type') when he's actually talking to them he seems able to disregard all this stuff and sort of jolly along amiably.

With women, i find it's more an instantaneous dislike which means they don't give the other woman a chance to even open her mouth before judging her; this is usually followed by impenetrable icyness which makes a friendship absolutely impossible. Obviously can't over generalise, people are individuals, yada yada...

"when he's actually talking to them he seems able to disregard all this stuff and sort of jolly along amiably"

Yes! Totally. There are subjects on which most men can get along. They get absorbed in it to the extent they get forgetful of themselves. That to me is one of the most attractive thing about men - that they can become totally unselfconscious. Like children can. I think that would be the greatest step forward for feminism, that women could all be totally unselfconscious - and society would allow them to be. Just allow them to be themselves - not playing a role.