Sad and also filled with impotent rage. Why aren't we allowed to age?

[glovesoflove]

Why is Botox and all that crap becoming such a norm? A friend who lives in London tells me that within her social set they are all obsessed with the topic and all starting to have this shit done - she is 34 ffs, and not exactly ignorant of feminism etc. She's just said "I want to look young" so I asked why, she said "because it's nicer" but managed to avoid elaborating.
I did get a bit cross, it was on IM so maybe she thought I was having a go at her, I wasn't but when I think about it, I just think why can't she resist? She KNOWS it's rubbish, she's cleverer and way more successful than me and she's just got married and started her own company, it's not like she's "competing" for anything.
I did say the only cure for ageing is death. She changed the subject :)

I'd love to hear from some of you about this, it's really really making me angry!

I am Interested to know how old many on this thread are - just out of curiosity.

I could have written most of these posts 5 years ago.

I think it is difficult to understand until you have experienced it, the sense of looking into a mirror and seeing somome you don't really recognise looking back at you. You start to see in your face the old woman you will be rather than the you g woman you once were.

Now for som that may be an issue of vanity but for some of us it is about the recognition that you have passed the crest of your life. That each day is leading towards goodbyes and lessening abilities and diminishing significance.

I am looking forward to my next few decades but my son is getting ready to leave home, My eye sight is getting more crap by the day, I am sprouting hairs in unfeminine places and no one notices when I walk into a room anymore.

Now I wouldn't swop what I have -I have never had more opportunities, financial security, spare time or mental balan e.. Life is pretty bloody good.

But I think dismissing some of those who resist this endless reminder that you are ageing as dimwit airheads is , I think, a bit harsh.

The world does not regard women well. In particular any glance at aibu will reveal how little even younger women value those older women around them.
There is never quite as much vitriol in a post as when they can vent at some old cow.

I would never have bottom or anything drastic. But I do put on make up and dress well if for no other reason than the world in general takes me way more seriously and life is simpler.
But no, to be honest watching the old woman I will ve one day is not much fun even whilst surrounded by much love and security.
I would imagine without love and security it must be hard indeed

Lol at autocorrect.
Not bottom but botox

all good points pagwatch it is an odd experience looking an oneself in the mirror and seeing your mother, but that is mostly a personal journey, the way were are seen, or not seen as the case may be is a little harder to take
why does ageing mean becoming irrelevant?

and it terms of looks, we age anyway, no amount of 'work' will change that, I am not against looking good it is part of self respect to look after oneself
but some of what is done is a tad delusional

Yes, a great deal is delusion I think

Chasing 25 when you are pushing 50 is very odd.

I don't know why ageing means that we become irrelevant but it does. Not in every situation of course. At home and around those I love I am seen a sensible, supportive etc..all those good things. But walking down the high street I am invisible.
Started around 45 I think, and I generally get told I look good/young for my age.

Women post 50 are just less likely to be seen as having any status unless they glean that through work.

I like Pag's post, I think it's important to remember the context in which these choices are made.

Pag - are you now or have you ever been Relatively Attractive?
I think ageing has got to be harder for women who know that they are being helped out by their looks. I'm not terribly fussed because I have always thought of myself as fairly plain; not that I've ever been that bothered about it because I never seemed to have trouble getting boyfriends or jobs or anything like that. There was a quote from one of those French third wavey feminists, can't remember if it was Irigaray, along the lines of 'a beautiful woman looks at herself in the mirror and knows 'this is I'; the woman who is not beautiful looks at herself and knows 'this is not I'.'
there is lots that is wrong with that quote but I have always found it quite interesting; I am quite comfortable with the idea of an older woman starting to appear (but I am only 38 so I haven't even started wrinkles-wise); I quite look forward to seeing her. But at the same time I am thinking 'am going grey and saggy, must start to look smarter so as not to be treated like crazy old bat', I am more bothered about being an elegant middle aged woman than I was about being a pretty young one.
(Much as I would like to rock the Hannah Hauxwell vibe one day I'm not sure I'm going to be able to carry it off )

another quote, remember the Sylvia Plath poem about the mirror (apols for misremembering):

'In it she has drowned a young girl.
In it an old woman
Rises towards her like a terrible fish.'

got a quote from MN Style & Beauty:
"Somewhere around 50 the old-looking younger woman is replaced by a lovely-looking older woman"

Pag, your post was food for thought

one reason I'm quite confident about ageing is because I live in Japan, where I am. literally. invisible.
I'm treated as little more than an alien, that is, if anybody notices me at all. It's so bizarre. It's like I've been given an insight into how it is to become a middle-aged women, 20 years too soon. The Japanese are an expressionless race, so you never know what's going on inside their heads. Disappointing in some ways, but very freeing in others.
When I go back to the UK, within a week I find myself worrying about my appearance more

Anyone who wants to be noticed should come to the Caribbean. Any woman, no matter what, gets attention from men here. And if you are self-conscious about weight all the better, they love a little bit of fat around the middle. Or on the arse.

"But I think dismissing some of those who resist this endless reminder that you are ageing as dimwit airheads is , I think, a bit harsh."

I agree pag. It is harsh. But the thread was about feeling angry that we are forced to feel this way. I have more value socially and economically, and emotionally as I feel more stable and confident than I ever have, now than I had in my relatively youthful twenties. I should be valued more, not less. Lines and saggy bits doesn't change that simple fact.

Sakura - I dont really read the papers or read magazines. In real life I have never met anyone that cared about all that type of stuff I just see it as a London thing or something you hear about on the telly. I see myself the same as all other mothers I know that still go out drinking andhaving lots of fun, but pagwatch yeah we are all youngish.

I will probably feel different in my 40s but by then most people here are nans/grandmas, and most are still going out every weekend and never really slow down lol. I do think it depends on the area of the country you are in.

My mum is in her 50s now and looks lush without ever worrying about going to the gym, botox or tan or anything, and I think I will love getting older personally. There is so much to love forward to seeing my children grow up, seeing my grandkids grow up. When you get older you get to travel wherever you want and every day is fun. My mums life is fantastic. I think life is what you make it, whatever age you are!

My mum just says life gets better and better. She is a good role model.

exactly stranded so does my mum. Also my husband and his friends are all attracted to loads of older women so I dont think getting older means you are not noticed (that isnt even talking about celebs either just random older women that are out and about in our town that dont bother with loads of make up or botox or whatever.)

Well, I live in London and I wouldn't have it. No one I know has had botox either. I would judge them as very odd if they did I am afraid.
I don't mind the ageing process at all.

Just catching up on this thread and I haven't read it all yet but, for the OP, you could see if the animal cruelty aspect helps your argument re Botox:

www.swissinfo.ch/eng/science_technology/Cosmetic_botox_booms_at_expense_of_mice.html?cid=18032542

I feel much happier since I stopped reading women's magazines a few years ago. I am delaying dyeing my hair til I have to (used to but decided to have a break from all the chemicals) and don't think I'll ever have Botox. My ex at one point made me feel so awful about myself (he was a nice chap) that I considered cosmetic surgery. I came to my senses though when I realised that 1. Where would it end? At some point you have to accept who you are and like it, otherwise you could end up like Jordan and still never be happy and 2. I was lucky if he brushed his teeth for me some days and there I was considering having nasty procedures done!

Oh and I read the Beauty Myth too which helped! I have asked for Beauty and Misogyny for Xmas too.

just watching married to rock and similar american programmes surely puts people off

I know someone who has botox - I don't care whether she does or not, sad though that she looked better without it in my opinion

I would never use botox. I am not convinced that it is safe.
www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1335489/Botox-causes-muscles-waste-away-parts-body-untouched-injections.html

well, it's poison isn't it

yes it's botulism. It works by a sort of paralysis.

snowflake I disagree with you that this is not a women's problem or that ageing is not a female (or indeed feminist) issue.