menstruation taboo... strong as ever?

[harpsichordcarrier]

Just wondering what you thought about this one, as I have been mulling over it (I have two dds).
In the last few weeks I have had a couple of conversations that made me think that the taboo about menstruation - that it mustn't be mentioned, that it is dirty and shameful - is still as strong as ever.

1. I have a lillet in my car, just in case, and my friend got into the car and said 'oh, good job J (her 10 year old son) isn't here!'

1. second friend expressed surprise that I leave my mooncup box (either empty, or the mooncup is in a little cloth bag) on a shelf in the bathroom. 'What if your father in law came round?' We then went on to discuss what we had told our children. Both my friends (one with 5 and 7 yo dss, one with 4 yo dd and 7 yo ds) said they would not let their children know that they were menstruating, they have always locked them out of the bathroom so they don't see. My friend with two ds's said one of her sons noticed some blood in the toilet once, and she did not tell him what it was. They both felt that telling their children about menstruation would be 'too disturbing' and 'upsetting' and 'scary'.

I was really surprised by this - I thought perhaps attitudes had changed but, judging by more small circle of friends, maybe not. Every few weeks we have a 'YUK! Mooncups! How revolting!' thread on here.

Why in the 21st Century is menstruation STILL such a dirty guilty secret among women?

oh wubbly, you have just reminded me of a fourth time i spoke to my mother about periods. i instigated it though.

we were on holiday and had visited a water park for the day. my period had started a few days erlier and i had pads but i was really reluctant to go in the water. i didn't know the water would stop the flow of blood and eventually my mum got really narked with me not joining in so i had to tell her why. she didn't get me tampons. i was 12.

I agree that periods are not a disability but serious pain and heavy bleeding are not easily ignored either. The idea that because it's "just" a period you should carry on regardless is ridiculous IMO. How many men would do that? If men had periods the world would be a much different place.

I don't know. I don't think it's any more taboo than any other quite initmate bodily function TBH. Added to which the fact that is something that boys don't have to deal with makes it inevitable they won't be as aware or interested I guess. I wouldn't have a problem with my sons seeing my tampons but I would have a problem with them seeing me inserting one Is that a taboo? I don't think so.

Awful memories booyhoo.

I think really, looking back now, I would imagine the reason I was embarrased to talk to her about it was because she was obviously embarrased to talk to me!

I've inserted tampons when DS is in the room. It's not like he can see anything, I'm sat on the loo. The alternative is to sit there all day, since he refuses to leave me in peace!

yep. i knew my mum was embarrassed to although, for a midwife, you would imagine she was pretty au fait with the reality of of human reproduction.

wubbly, that's very familiar. I used to raid my mother's stash of pads/tampons because I was too embarrassed to ask. And it's not like she left them in a place where I could easily find them. They were well hidden and required a lot of searching (and during one search, I accidentally came across a rude magazine belonging to my father, which I was very shocked by at the time).

Oh yes Nickname, I'd forgotten I used to do that too! I'm sure my Mum knew actually, I was convinced she would come and talk to me and tell me it was all okay.

In the end, I could barely speak through the floods of tears telling her. Bloody (literally) traumatic!

booyhoo, that story reminds me of one of my schoolfriends but it is only now, years later, I see how ridiculous it was.

She was on holiday with her parents and got her period on the beach. She asked her Dad for the keys to the house they were staying in as she had no tampons with her.

Her Dad didn't want to give her the keys and wondered why she wanted to go up to the house on such a lovely day. She was too embarrassed to tell him why but eventually threw a strop so he gave her the keys.

At the time as a bunch of 16 year old girls, not one of us thought it ridiculous that a girl couldn't mention having her period to her own father

that is sad chipmonkey. i have to say i imagine if it had been me in that situation my own dad would have been the same.

That could have been me (although substitute a caravan for a house....) That said, my dad probably would have been okay - I was the one who had so internalized the taboo that the admission would have been almost impossible.

I don't discuss periods or have sanitary stuff lying around in our house as I have been through the menopause - so nothing to talk about - but this thread has reminded me that it is an important subject to discuss with my DS.

[I'm a man, BTW]

My DCs' mother has always been open about periods and I've always followed along with that. When DD was 8yo she'd had a conversation with her school friends about periods and obviously twigged that as she lives with me it's unlikely I'd have sanitary items lying around. So we had a chat about it all as well as encouraging her to talk to other women family members and friends. I know the mechanics of what goes on but I can't answer the question of what having a period feels like.

I also got her a PoGo Pack which has a selection of different pads as well as information and, hopefully, everything else she'll need for when her periods start. I know it'll likely be a few more years yet but I think that she found it very reassuring that she can talk to me and that she won't be caught out. DS was also interested in the pack and so I had much the same conversation with him.

So to answer the OP, there's no real menstruation taboo in this house. Which makes a difference from when I grew up as it was never discussed at home. Ever.

snorbs i wish you had been my dad!!

harpsichordcarrier, quite agree about the toilet paper example.

My mum once suggested that I move my tampax out of the bathroom (where surprise surprise is the most convenient place to keep them) so my brother didn't see them. I was 22 and he was 23!

I didn't hide them BTW (my flat, my choice)...

And yes it was certainly taboo in our house. The first time my mum ever talked about periods with me was when I got my first one at about 14, and she said, "You know what that is, don't you?" . Good job someone else had told me!

My dad used to go and buy my tampons for me when I was a teen, my friends were horrified by this, was no big deal in our house, just another bodily function.

DS who is 5, takes no notice really, he knows what periods are, no big deal.

louii

this has just reminded me of teh time my friends step dad offered me vouchers for money off always pads. i was 19. i used tampons at the time and sort of stuttered out this to him with a huge red face. best friend and her mum and sis thought i was hilarious for being embarassed. i just couldn't fathom why a man would even discuss such a thing, let alone be offering me vouchers for sanitary towels. he just said, "sorry, i didn't mean to embarrass you, when you have two girls you get used to period talk as the norm. X (meaning my friend) informed me this morning she would be grumpy today as her period was due"

some of these stories are very depressing, but some are very heartening :-)

I'm really surprised anyone has secrecy about it.

My have a DS and DD (4 and 2) and both of them know that sometimes blood comes from my fanjo and it's fine. Neither of them bat an eyelid - I go to the toilet with the door open anyway.

When my brother was little, he saw my mum in the toilet and he asked her when he was going to start bleeding like that .

As a teen, I spent a lot of weekends at my friend's house. There, we had to wrap up our ST's very carefully and put them in the Aga to burn. This all had to be done by stealth without her Dad or brother seeing.

What did they think would happen to the men if they found out? Would they turn to stone or something?

Wtf Snorbs is a bloke??:..anyway i digress ..i'm straight up about periods..my DDs have asked me and I have explained it's a natural occurance in women of birthing age...that simple...my father was pretty cool too..although he never wanted to go into detail he was very caring and funny during my period when i lived with him...i know it freaked him out but he just wanted to make me comfortable and happy..ie hot water bottle , leave me alone. bring me chocolate an my DH is similar supportive and mindful of my moodiness ..during my period I tend not to handle bull-shit very well..

My DS is 10 now, this exact second.

I told him about periods two years ago when I had endometrial ablation.

I would hate him to be worrying what was wrong with me.

When I was growing up it wasn't a taboo but neither was my mum comfortable talking about it and my dad didnt talk about it at all. I was so frightened when I started bleeding and my mum wasnt very reassuring at all.

In contrast DD asked lots of questions when i was pregnant/on my period and now knows most of the basics (she is 5). My pads aren't hidden away in the bedroom and if i have forgotten to take one into the bathroom with me I will dispatch her to get one for me. I'll give the same info to her brother. DH has no problem talking about it either.

i wouldn't rely on the school to tell DD or DS as when I was a 1st year university student ten years ago, I ended up enlightening a whole group of similarly aged male students whose sole education seemed to have come from school. They had no idea of the specifics, the length of time a period lasted and several even thought you sat on the loo and it all came out at once. These were 18 year olds who had had/did have girlfriends and mothers, but they chose to ask me as I was 'one of the boys' with a reputation for being unembarassable.

My mother never ever talked to me about anything related to periods until I started , and then only to complain bitterly that I fairly frequently got blood on my knickers. She seemed incapable of understanding that periods could be irregular, and seemed to think that I was doing it on purpose until she made me keep a diary and realised that yes my cycle did vary from 2 weeks to six weeks. she also didn't seem able to accept that they were very painful and never ever supported me really (notes for school etc). In fact it wasn't until she went through the menopause a few years later and went on HRT for a while that she truly took on board that periods could be genuinely painful.

I grew up in a family with two sisters (and a brother) and my big sister did all the birds and bees type stuff with me. I don't know why my mother had such a strong taboo really, but remember us all staying at the same house many many years later and my mother trying to get my big sister to hide her box of tampons "in case your father might see them". Very very odd really.

dh has always been totally open and supportive, but remembers that some of the other guys at university just being totally unaware - he was amazed that some of them didn't even know when their other halves had their period - even the ones that lived together.