"What about the men that get raped?"

[thefinerthingsinlife]

Whilst talking about Reclaim the Night to a friend, a male asked what it was about I explained, he then questioned "what about all the men that get raped and are victims of domestic violence??" I explained to him that I think that only 3% of men are victims and the stats are roughly the same for Dv (i'm not a 100% that these stats).

He then said "I thought you believed men and women are equal therefore Reclaim should be about men victims too"

I didn't really know what to say to this so can someone give me some guidence

Thanks

ah , i see now what you meant frosty.

sorry elephants, didn't realise that. i presumed it was a support group aswell as doing the march.

I didn't mean to offend anyone yesterday, will try and clarify what I meant.

That reclaim the night is, I think, about teh fact that women feel unsafe out alone after dark. And that is because of a whole range of things that happen, from shouting and catcalls and one end of the spectrum to rape and murder at the other end.

So my "it's rare" comment was meant comparatively - it is very common for women to have experienced flashing, been followed, wanked at. I think people would struggle to find a woman who has not had offensive sexual tihngs said/shouted to her unprovoked. While comparitively few have experienced stranger rape.

So this march is about the whole range of behaviour that some men display that make women fearful. It is intimidating to be flashed at or have obscenities shouted by a group of men when you are by yourself, all of those things add to a general feeling of discomfort that many/most women feel when they are out by themselves after dark.

I just do not believe that men who are out after dark are similarly wary of sexually inappropriate / threatening / attack things happening to them. Men do not go around worrying about being sexually harassed. So I don't understand why the march needs to be for men as well?

I do not know a single man who has changed his route home because of fear of sexual assault, I just do not believe that this is something men commonly do. Whereas it is something the vast majority off women do - and the ones who don't usually feel nervous about it.

That is what this march is about, surely.

Sorry for multiple posts. Of course some men will have this fear, but it's not entrenched in the mind of every male in the country, far from it. While for women it is.

That's why the march is for women IMO.

OTOH if there was a march which was against street violence, then I would expect to see women, women, children, grandparents, everyone. And there are such marches and they do include everyone.

So what's the problem?

*women and men obv, not women and women

He sounds like a piece of work tbh. I wouldn't give his ignorance a second thought.

I think that the campaigns against male rape and dv and female rape and dv are seperate but that there may be some scope for collaberation. This however doesn't seem to be one of them.

Sparklerz quoted from the RTN website - "Men can support the Reclaim The Night march by joining the London Pro-Feminist Men?s Group solidarity demonstration."

I hope the men's march is attended by more than the 7 men who attended their event in support of Reclaim The Night last year, according to the website of the London Pro-Feminist Men's Group (which appears to be a men-only group).

I was looking at the Samaritans website recently and noticed they have a special campaign called 'Men on the ropes' addressing the fact that men often find it difficult to talk about depression.
Now, this seems entirely appropriate: it can be particularly difficult for men to open up about feelings, and addressing a specific campaign to this surely enables them to focus in a way that will make it more effective. It doesn't mean women don't suffer depression too, and some have trouble talking about it for the same reasons as men.

So why do some people find it so hard to see why women might want specific campaigns for issues that affect them? It doesn't deny the reality of the suffering of people of the other gender that suffer from the same problem.

Yes SSM agree with that, good explanation.

SSM - because some people think that women just don't have the right to organise and protest on their own behalf, on issues that disproportionately affect them, unless they protest on everyone else's behalf as well. We are simply not allowed to focus on ourselves. Unless that focus involves having our hair done, or nails painted or eating chocolate. We're encouraged to focus on ourselves, as long as that focus doesn't threaten the status quo or actually empower us. And then we'll be told we're empowered by a bloody haircut.

why is he complainning? is he really bothered about men rape? or he is just trying to ruin your night?

if he is really concerned find some leaflets and meetings for him to get some info, if he is trying to annoy you, tell him to get lost, that that is precisely the reason why women need a reclaim the night march.

by the way, most men rape happen in prison, rape is not about sex, it is about power and in the lack of woman, a rapist will rape another men, that is why is so important that woman reclaim power to themselves.

I feel much more prepared to answer him now, and I can't wait for RTN

good luck!

'"I thought you believed men and women are equal therefore Reclaim should be about men victims too"'

This is an attempt to trip up the OP using what he considers to be impeccable logic and reveals no support of the notion that men and women are equal.

I think you're right Mathanxiety. The suggestion made by one poster that the man might actually be a victim himself gave me pause for thought but the 'I thought you believed....' stuff is very clearly about trying to pick holes in the OP.

Yes, his impeccable logic grandly dismisses the systematic nature of rape when applied to women (along with the ever-present threat of it) which means that when it comes to it, we're not on an equal playing field.

I'd even be inclined to sympathise with the idea of a support group for male victims of rape being men-only, as some male victims might feel uncomfortable talking in front of women - and women who have been raped might feel uncomfortable about men being in their support group even if the men are also rape victims.

Sorry, but I think this is ridiculous. He asked a question. It sounds like a reasonable question to me and one I might have asked and thought about myself. A simple explanation like dittany gave would have been enough for me to realize why it's not appropriate for these two issues (rape of/domestic violence against men, and reclaim the night) should not be equated.

I just don't understand how you can assume he's stirred it or being arrogant.

I am not remotely surprised by someone saying 'I thought you believed ...' about any feminist topic. There are lots of myths about feminism around, good for him that this man asked for clarification.

Nah, it was a mocking question.

And you know that because?

'I thought you believed men and women are equal..' Because of this part.