Help! " Living it, not theorising about it" is really hard!

[notanumber]

I've recently come to the realisation that one can't be a feminist in theory, that one has to to 'live' it. So, I've decided to call it where I see it.

Do you know that stupid "I like it on the kitchen counter" Facebook status update thing? Well, wherever I saw it I commented on it, stating that I think the time spent typing in where you left your handbag would be better spent checking your breasts and attached a link of how to do so.

I also said that aside from that, I have problems with it from a feminist standpoint and outlined my reasons why.

Predictably, I have had a torrent of negative responses (most of them from strangers as they are my FB friends' other friends IYSWIM?).

I've been told to 'lighten up', 'get a life', 'it's just a bit of fun' as well as stuff like 'someone needs prozac', 'you need a man' and 'it's people like you that perpetuate the image of angry feminists'.

I've done my best to repond calmly and articulately to all of it, but I'm feeling really shaken up by it. I'm not really the sort of person that gets into big slanging matches in RL and I've found it really unpleasant online. I'm right, I know I am, but it's horrible being unilaterally attacked...

I didn't expect it to be easy. I knew that trying to live by my beliefs would be uncomfortable at times and there would be resistance and lack of understanding, but I never expected this kind of venom.

I've been bolstering myself with articles and links from Feminism 101, but wondered if any of you had similar experiences as a newbie feminist and how you managed them?

This is what a feminist MNer of my acquaintance put on their FB: '....likes it on top of her copy of the Female Eunuch and besides her copy of the NHS pamphlet on Breast Cancer Awareness since the only way to raise awareness is to name the topic you are posting about.'

and I've just seen another 'likes it on top of her copy of the Female Eunuch'

thing is, you are not under any obligation to point out and explain EVERY bit of sexism you see; you can pick your battles. You can just not join in with anything you feel would compromise you and speak out when it feels particularly important and you are prepared to take the flak.
You've got to live in the world and have relationships with people who don't share your views; I'm not sure how much would be achieved by pissing everybody off.

agree, choose your battles, don't go charging into the front line, you'll only get shot down. Say things to people who are likely to listen. But every setback is a good lesson learned, so it has been useful.

There's no point telling people about feminism as a movement, it's much better to simply put a feminist view accross in a general discussion, or to put a feminist slant to your work, be that child-rearer, lawyer, writer or whatever.
Other than that, you could inspect your own relationship for inequalities for example. Or you could start becoming more involved in activism, go to marches and the like.
People do react strongly to the word "feminst" because it's so often misunderstood and deliberately painted in a bad light. People need never know your views are feminist views- you may be anti-capitalist, for example (which aligns itself nicely with feminism)

sorry, I mean it's good to spread awareness about feminism as a movement, but I mean I don't think it helps in a lot of cases to sort of announce you're a feminist IYSWIM, and then proceed to give feminist viewpoints. It will probably alienate people. That's why I love this MN topic because I can speak freely about feminism without worrying

I'm glad someone else has felt this way about that facebook campaign. I was thinking about posting something in the vein of 'would like to see women's health not sexualised' but let it go, but I do like the ideas above. Might go for one

I agree, pick your battles, otherwise it gets very draining. But I think your battles are whatever really riles you at a point in time. I have had fairly pointless complaints about things that probably won't go anywhere, like my bt one at the moment, but sometimes you just have to react. And its not like its a zero sum, that if you post what you think on facebook you can't also campaign about other things.

Good on you for speaking out. Don't feel you always have to though. It does get draining. The first time I had an online conflict I remember being really stressed, but I'm used to it now. And if you're getting all the predictable 'lighten up' and 'you need a man' comments, play a spot of feminist bashing bingo.

Thank you all. Very useful and practical advice.

I think I may be suffering from zealous convert syndrome....

I'm with Sakura on this one. The more you push a viewpoint on me the less I care :)

And try to remember your sense of humour and use it against them. Facebook is the perfect chance to come up with a "quick" reply to stupid crap, that IRL you would probably think of later.

exactly seeyouokay, which is why it's so important that people respect this topic of mumsnet, without anti-feminist rantings, because there really aren't that many spaces IRL or on the net where feminists can compare notes.

I'm with you and wrote something like, actually someone sent me a phrase ^Apparently I'm supposed to post a sexually tinted description of where I keep my handbag as my status. Allegedly this will help raise awareness of breast cancer.

Information about how and when to examine ones breasts would obviously be of no use whatsoever.^ and then I added links to various websites on how to exam your breasts correctly. And yes was accused of not having a good sense of humour.

I just feel that the more we allow casual sexualisation of non sex related matters IKWYM happen without been challenged the more accepted it becomes. I?m sick of feeling that I have to defend myself, of saying I?m not a prude but. . . . I do have a sense of humour but. . .
I look around and feel like we are moving back rather than forward