Well, not 'help' so much as just listen really. I suppose I'm just looking for some support really, for someone to say that they believe me even though I have no proof, and that I don't deserve this.
Around 18 months ago I was raped. I was unconcious at the time (not drugged, just passed out) so wasn't entirely sure, and found it easier to believe, that he may not have actually raped me. For various reasons, I didn't tell my then-boyfriend, until I discovered I was pregnant a few weeks later, but shortly after that I miscarried. My ex was originally supportive until he found out about the miscarriage, and then turned to believing that I had never been pregnant, I was just looking for attention, though he claimed he believed me about the rape. We broke up, and I lost all of our mutual friends (though to be fair, most of them were his friends first).
Recently his new girlfriend and friends of his, some that I used to know and some that I've never met or spoken to, he's met them since we broke up, have been sending me emails and comments on my blog accusing me of being a liar, making snide comments, ("So was that before or after you were 'raped', or can't you remember?"). Lately they've been suggesting that I lied about being raped because I had a sexual fetish about it but didn't want to admit it, which isn't true.
This morning I got a message on a blog post I wrote about something funny I saw at a club, and got the response: "Oh, that's funny, I go to that club all the time and I don't remember anyone who fits your description... Are you sure you were there, or have you 'forgotten' the details? You do that sometimes, don't you?"
I'm just so sick of the nastiness. I'm trying to get on with my life, I don't even know these people, I don't speak to them or see them or even know what they look like. I don't understand why they do it. It's as if they want to make everyone know I'm a liar - if they genuinely wanted to verify something surely they could email me and just ask privately? Why broadcast it publicly? I've accepted that not everybody believes me, and that's not unusual for rape survivors, even though I swear I never lied. But what does it have to do with them? It's not as if I'm banging on their doors shouting "Believe me! Believe me!" I don't speak to them, I don't go near them. I just want to be left alone.
I'm sorry for posting this here; I'm not sure if it's the right place to put it or if I should have said it here at all, but I needed to get it out and it's easier to do it anonymously. Sorry.