A thread for ladies new to feminism. Come and introduce yourselves

[thefinerthingsinlife]

Hello,
As You may have seen on my other thread I am new to feminism and it appears that there are lots of ladies on this board who are too.

So come introduce yourself and tell us how you came to feminism.

I'm finer, i'm 23 with 2 children and a husband. I started lurking on the feminism board about 4 months ago and things said on here made me thing about things. I went out and brought The Equality Illusion and that was the start of my transformation into a feminist

I am also a bit of a lurker although no stranger to feminism as have a mother who is my heroine, she is a very strong powerful woman in the world of politics.

I am 32 with two children and have a long term partner.

I dislike the word ladies but will post here anyway. I can't remember a time when I didn't think I was anything other than a feminist. I thought as a child that I would stand equally with blokes as I grew up. Unfortunately that hasn't happened.

I'm going through a divorce after 18 years of marriage, due to my husband leaving me for another woman (she has no kids). We have three children two girls and a boy. I love my little boy so I'm not anti men. I hope my girls embrace feminism as I think the current backlash will be destructive to their well being and success as young women.

I'm new to mn feminism but not feminism in general.

I read a lot at uni and was brought up in a house where although my mum was a sahm, my dad did tonnes of childcare/housework and they were equals, they just had different roles.

I was brought up to have a sense of entitlement, it never crossed my mind that I was less entitled to achieve what I wanted than a man, so long as I worked hard. I considered myself entitled to an equal relationship and for my career to be as valued as the father of my child's.

In my pre children years I thought feminism was mainly now concerned with women in developing countries, and perhaps with women growing up in poverty in this country.

Since I've had DD I've realised how much of an issue it is in this country still, across all sectors of society.

oh, what's wrong with the term ladies?

i think teh problem with 'ladies' is that tehre may be men that are feminists and want to introduce themselves. Just my IMO.

I'm 24 with 2 boys aged 5 and 1. i have lurked on feminism for a couple of months now and posted a few small contributions. but if i am very honest, i find alot of the converstaion goes above my head. i find FWR quite an intellectual topic and often shrink back out of threads because i feel i have a) nothing to contribute or b) don't understand alot of what is being said.

BUT

i am trying very hard to stick about and teach myself more about it because i really do agree with alot of what is being said (the bits i understand anyway) and since lurking i have actually noticed myself picking up on things that are sexist or anti-feminist that i wouldn't have noticed before.

so apologies if my daft questions irritate anyone, i do try to work as much of it out for myself as i can but sometimes i do need a bit of help.

'ladies' to me always reads as a bit dismissive, along the same lines of referring to grown women as 'girls'.

And aren't men invited?

many men are new to the concepts of feminism and the issues may have as much impact on them as on women - especially if they are fathers.

The only reason I put ladies was because I wasn't aware of any men posting on this board(they probably do but I personal have never seen them on a thread) and I didn't realise so many people found the word offensive

quite a few men post here but their names aren't obviously 'male' names. (like mine isn't obviously female) I don't think ladies is offensive, just that it excludes a proportion of the audience you are appealing to.

THe problem with the term "ladies" for many feminists is not because it excludes men (that's a whole other issue). Most feminist in my circles prefer the word "women". Ladies has all sorts of connotations. Historically it's the opposite of gentlemen not men. We don't use the term gentlemen much any more, so why do we use Ladies?

To me it has connotations of social class and nice behaviour, you can tell that by the sorts of jokes men used to bandy around a few decades ago "That's no lady that's my wife...".

It suggests a gaggle of fluffy women doing needlework, rather than a group of intelligent assertive women. there is nothing wrong with the term Women.

I'm feeling very sorry for the OP here!
I often use the term 'ladies' in a sort of semi-ironic way.... Though of course all the things people have said about it are valid.

OP, I hope you don't mind that your thread has shifted (temporarily) into a discussion on terminology. I don't think anyone is seriously offended by it - it's more that a lot of the people on here find the nuances of different words interesting.

We don't want the feminist section to turn into a place where people feel like they're going to get jumped on if they get a word wrong

Great idea for a thread btw Finer

yes I didn't mean to slate the OP, sorry. Welcome to the boards

I was just trying to explain why some feminists are not happy with the term ladies, given that others on the thread had already raised the topic.

I have 3 dds and a DP (male), and have been a feminist since my teens, in response to the rampant sexist I saw all around me. This was in the 70s and 80s, it was very explicit. I didn't have feminists in the family or around me but somehow I always had those instincts, my sister did too, and as teenagers we read feminist books and never looked back.

'Ladies' leads to the idea of being Ladylike. Which I really cannot be dealing with.

I don't hold with men hanging around women's groups either, but then I am the sort of 47-year-old second-wave feminist who has been round this block quite a few times. Usually waving a placard.

I didn't put women because I didn't want to get 'told off' over the whole wo(men)/wimmim terminology and I stupidly thought ladies would be a safer bet, boy was I wrong

Thank you seth

I'm so confused at what words to use now

I'm not going to feel bad about saying that I dislike the word ladies and I certainly didn't mean to be critical of the OP. No jumping on anyone here. I just don't like the word. I find it conservative, objectifying, and usually directed towards women of a certain age. It just grates with me.

I'm interested in reading more feminist books, and will certainly look into 'The Equality Illusion.

Wimmin is fine though sounds a bit dated to most.

There's a website "Ladies against feminism". Which illustrates some of the tensions with the word.

Why are you confused? You could have put "A thread for those new to feminism", it's simples really and there's no need whatsoever to feel you're tiptoeing around. We post not to be critical but to be helpful.

LOL at Ladies against Feminism must look that one up!

I'd stick with "women" personally. I would use "ladies" ironically with some friends but generally speaking I prefer the term "women".

Ugh! That website "ladies against feminism" is a horror show. Ultra conservative nonsense.

Oh wow! I just looked at the Ladies against Feminism website. I had no idea such things existed. What a nauseating pile of tripe. So apparently it's a "lie" that women are entitled to the same rights as men. All of this feminist Marxist twaddle stands in the way of us leaving a Godly life WTF?!

I'm returning to feminism. Did a man's job and missed the behaving like a girl for 22 years. A little bit of me needed a rest and whined that wanted to stay at home cook & clean & wear make-up! I'm sure a lot of men would like to jump off the spinning world too. Now I have a desk job and can reflect of the advantages that feminism has given me 1)To be paid equal to my male colleagues 2)To rise to the challenge of a phyiscally & mentally demand job and discover a real strength in myself 3) To find that in my role I have helped men & women
4)To have owned my own home and not be a dependant.
Now I don't hold with the sillyness of not accepting the door when its held open blah blah blah but I strongly feel that women who have been enjoyed personal success because of those that fought for women' right, now need to support other women in their fight for justice, health, own economic wealth. Don't really care to fight the fight about the word 'ladies' or 'women' as I think its more important that you have a living wage to feed your kids & an education to get them out of the slums.

I'm a feminist although I just thought if I worked as hard/ was as academic as a man doing the same job, I would achieve as much. It worked. I had a lovely very well-paid job, well trained DH. I then got pregnant.

It has really come home to me how difficult it is to be a 'career woman' and a mother. DH is very good, we have lots of support etc but I have to manage the house/ children/ paperwork. I work part time and DH never really considered going part time himself.

I think I'd thought the fight was over in this country and it was developing countries which needed the main push. I think it has changed (and IMO there isn't enough about the relationship between work/children/second shift type stuff). I'm getting more and more into it now and finding it fascinating. I have a DD and a DS so it will be interesting to try and bring them up in a feminist way .

I just look at that website Are these women for real!

I really like it TheButterflyEffect, with me it implanted alot of questtions in my mind. A very good starting point IMO