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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Feeling attacked now I speak up about being a feminist

78 replies

thefinerthingsinlife · 12/09/2010 18:55

Within the last few months I have 'become' a feminist, so bear with me (I'm still learning )

I have started speaking out about things that bother me and I get a similar response most times along the lines of theres "no need for feminism" and "what about the 'poor hard done by' men" and "agh stop being such a bloody feminist"

I feel like i'm banging my head against a brick wall.

How do you all deal with this?

OP posts:

Sakura · 13/09/2010 06:44

got it

Original poster

thefinerthingsinlife · 13/09/2010 16:38

Elephant the comments are coming from male 'friends' when I say something to disagree with them about stereotypical generalisations about women

OP posts:

BlairWaldorfsHairband · 13/09/2010 16:41

I'm 24 and I love reading this board :)

For me what would cause me to speak up in response to something sexist would be whether or not I really cared about that person's opinion. It's much more important to me that my partner sees my views and respects them, than a random colleague or stranger (let them live in their sad narrow minded world). Mind you, I haven't really come across any situation where I've felt the need to make a decision about standing up for my feminist views or not yet.

I am thinking about lending my 2 younger sisters a book each (Living Dolls, Equality Illusion etc) - partly because I feel protective of them as the big sister and want their eyes opened to it all [evil sister emoticon], and also because I care most about their opinion. It hurts me way more when my sister posts about being "fraped" like today than if a random person on facebook does it. (not that she knows I have been raped, but ykwim!)

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 13/09/2010 17:42

Agree it's harder when someone you love seems to be being a knob about these things.

Sorry about what happened to you :( It is so sad to think about your little sister joking about being "fraped", with no idea that the real issue is hurting someone so close to her. Are comments like part of the reason you don't talk to her about it> (Just imagining that it would make it that much more difficult)

bickie · 13/09/2010 19:28

Good timing for this post - Today on our work message board a news clipping and photo of me had been scribbled all over because (I am assuming) I express some pretty feminist views about our industry. What can you do? It is quite confronting/embarrassing to be challenged in such a public way - but if you stop expressing your views - how will that help anyone else?

ISNT · 13/09/2010 19:34

Ouch bickie.

What industry are you in?

It might be someone just being an arse, rather than anything personal IYSWIM.

Sounds impressive that you are having news items written about you!

BlairWaldorfsHairband · 13/09/2010 19:51

EAM, I didn't mean this is a usual thing with her or anyone else I mentioned. It's just the casual drip drip of stuff like that and other sexism that so many people seem to think of as normal and not something questioned, and I want to call them on it. It was a coincidence it happened today and may have spurred me on to post as I usually just lurk :)

There are lots of reasons my family don't know about it (obv my DP does)...it's complicated :(

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 13/09/2010 21:15

Glad you did post BWH - have no idea what your name means but I find it cheering for some reason!

bickie · 13/09/2010 21:21

Sounds more impressive than it is - it's an industry publication - not general news - and I work in advertising. Can be quite a sexist industry!!!! Over it now - but felt a bit awful at the time.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 13/09/2010 21:52

No wonder, you poor thing. Did you know who did it?

Sakura · 14/09/2010 06:06

Told a friend I was going to a feminist conference in London and she appeared worried and told me not to get brainwashed. I told her it would most likely be me doing the brainwashing.

everythingiseverything · 14/09/2010 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sakura · 14/09/2010 11:02

ooh, I've just ordered Wifework.
The Equality Illusion is good, but it doesn't come up with any deep answers or insights. It's bEtter than nothing, and Baynard really knows her stuff

Original poster

thefinerthingsinlife · 14/09/2010 19:00

What's Wifework about? Is it good?

OP posts:

Sakura · 15/09/2010 01:40

The author said that after she divorced her husband and was left with 3 kids, she expected her workload to increase because she was a single mother, but instead was shocked to find she had loads more leisure time
She realised "wifework" had been taking up lots of her time when she was married. I guess she means humouring and pampering her husband. I'm dying to read it.

wastingaway · 15/09/2010 09:05

Sakura, you should have pointed out to your friend that a feminist conference is the opposite of brainwashing.

Wifework sounds interesting.

Original poster

thefinerthingsinlife · 15/09/2010 09:18

I think i'm going to have to purchase it too

OP posts:

everythingiseverything · 15/09/2010 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ant3nna · 15/09/2010 12:58

I'm going to stand up as another 23 year old new convert. I think my family has realised that my views have started to change even though I haven't said the word 'feminist' yet because I challenge them more about their behaviour. For years I thought my mum was actually pretty forward thinking but have come to the sad and disappointing realisation that she's just dressing up old-fashioned sexist ideas in modern clothes.

Hopefully, with the help of MN feminists I can open my eyes more. I've just started reading Living Dolls and I feel so ashamed at having previously bought into the 'choice' argument of glamour models. I have some more books to read after this - The Whole Woman, Female Chauvanist Pigs and The Equality Illusion - all bought for my by my brother for my birthday (today!). He did give a little raised eyebrow at my list but bought them anyway.

Original poster

thefinerthingsinlife · 15/09/2010 17:25

I think it's fab that all of these young feminists are coming out of the woodwork. I'm tempted to start a young feminist thread.

OP posts:

ant3nna · 15/09/2010 18:41

Ooh, a young feminist thread would be good. Or a new convert thread. It would be nice to talk to people with the same level of knowledge.

I was chatting to mum in the car today about my new books and she said that she'd like to read a few of them when I'm done. Perhaps then she'll know where I'm coming from a bit more when I get annoyed at some of the odd ideas she has.

JessinAvalon · 15/09/2010 20:52

I am really enjoying this thread! I felt like the blinkers came off about 2 years ago and, like others have said, you can't put them back once they've gone.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 5 years and that's what opened my eyes. Now I see it everywhere but that has meant that being involved with feminist activism is a stress trigger for me. However, I feel it's so important that I have to do it.

And because it's so obvious to me now, and I have an emotional investment in it, I can get very hectoring. I have tried to pull back and use a bit of humour.

I have had friends say, "oh don't bring feminism into [very related topic to feminism]" because you'll damage the cause - like it really is a dirty word.

However, had a small breakthrough in work yesterday....I work with a guy who challenges me on feminist issues all the time. He doesn't really "get it" but is open to discussions. We work with a woman in her late 20s who is in the Navy reserves and, possibly as a result, uses very sexist language.

She said yesterday that one of the lads at a recent training weekend had been "running like a girl" or "moaning like a girl" or something like that. And this male colleague of mine pulled her up on it and said that it was derogatory and implied that girls were somehow inferior to men/boys.

I got a warm fuzzy feeling inside!!!!

wastingaway · 16/09/2010 09:14

That's great Jess!

everythingiseverything · 16/09/2010 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jibbet · 17/09/2010 19:26

I say: Of course I'm a feminist,all intelligent women are. Even though it's a dirty word. Worse than politics or religion, it's the conviviality killer around the dinner party table (not that I ever get invited to any - that's probably why!)

The tragedy is that the majority of the population, women, have to resort to an '-ist' or an '-ism' at all.
The other day, I discovered that I said what Simone de Beauvior said before I knew what she said! i.e. 'I was born a human being but gradually realised that I was just a woman.' A nasty shock.

How do we tackle and destroy endemic misogyny? This human rights debacle is so deeply rooted in society that we don't even know we're doing it. We women allow it to happen because it's the norm. In the 70s, I had high hopes that things were improving. But the stranglehold and brainwashing of the media, commerce and governments who do nothing to change anything has made it worse. I'm horrified by the behaviour and dress of many young women today - unwittingly their own worst enemy.

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