Sometimes it just makes me feel confused (and a bit angry.)

[YunoYurbubson]

I am going out to dinner with my husband. This is a Very Rare Thing.

Instead of enjoying it, wafting around smelling all perfumey with dd sitting on the bed chatting to me about my pretty earrings, like I used to when my parents went out, I am glaring moodily at the bathroom shelves.

Dh is not going to blacken his eyelashes or redden his lips or show off his legs or wear uncomfortable shoes to go out this evening. So why should I? The answer is that I shouldn't. And I don't have to. The only person who thinks I should is me.

So I got a pair of cream trousers and a linen shirt out of the cupboard, reasoning that if this is suitable for a man to wear out to dinner, then it's suitable for anyone and I shall be cool, comfy and covered up. But I don't actually WANT to go out in chinos and a shirt. I'll feel daggish.

So, I don't want to doll up, but I don't want to wear man clothes either.

I found some nice sparkly flats, but they are too narrow for my feet so I don't want to wear them.

I am really cross with myself for not having the strength of mind to be who I want me to be. Or even to know who I want to be. It is terribly confusing.

Am going to post and run now as have children and kitchen to sort out. Hope this wasn;t a silly or unwise thread to start. Just feeling ranty I suppose, and getting it out of my system before I ruin a nice evening out with husband.

LOL Yuno all I can do is sympathise and hope you have a lovely dinner.

I still like dolling up and wearing silly shoes and make up even though I know it's ridiculous and unnecessary.

Maybe you just need to do some shopping!

I have a very low confidence for being uncomfortable. If shoes, clothes, make up etc. are uncomfortable I just don't wear them. I think I look good! I wear flat shoes 95% of the time (usually ballet pumps, sandals or boots in winter), and clothes that are natural fibres and not too tight. I don't wax, I can't face the pain, but I prefer legs etc. to be hairless so I sort it in other ways.

is he going to shave his face though?
and wear aftershave?

and put on a tie?

I agree with the other sutff, though.

i like wearing dresses, but i don't like make-up (lipstick rubs off when you're eating anyway), and i don't wear high-heels if i can help it.

you need to go shopping.

so do i.
all my clothes are currently red or pink, and i want/need some green and blues and purples (but not lilac) to counteract it - i'm fed up of being the same colour all the time. i feel like i'm fading.

should be low TOLERANCE for being uncomfortable

You need a tunic and leggings...so comfy, cover everything up, yet you can still feel floaty.

And then get some decent ballet flats for wide feet, a perfume you love, and some luminous moisture, and off you go.

ooh. didn't notice that! makes more sense now!

i bloody hate feeling uncomfortable.

Ugh! to ties. So bloody uncomfortable. So glad I don't have to wear one.

I know what you mean Yuno - I do loads of things automatically and then think WTF I'm participating in my own oppression here (and often am quite happy to do so IYSWIM).

I do hope you have a nice dinner and evening!

I thought you were going to complain about you having to get the children ready and house tidied before and do everything before going out, while your dh just sits and watches TV and then complains when you are a second late! Or is that just me and dh when we go out?

I never wear uncomfortable clothes or make up. I;m allergic to most make up and I am grumpy if I'm wearing high heels or tight clothes. I have to wear what I'm happy wearing otherwise I am miserable.

and when i'm going out to dinner, i have to wear a baggy dress, so that i can eat as much as i want without feeling uncomfortable (and so that it doesn't show that i've eaten loads!!)

Nicklebabe, I'm the same. When shopping for a dress I always go for empire lines so I can eat what I want without feeling uncomfortable.

If I wear empire lines I just look pregnant.

Sorry, this is turning into a Style and Beauty Thread!

I almost never wear a dress for that reason chipmonkey!

I can't stand anything tight and any lose dress makes me look pregnant.

but i can't wear empire lines for chipmonkey's reason!

i don't want to be a boden clone, but i got a lovely dress from them in the summer - it was the amalfi? anyway, i chose the size 10, like it said, but there was loads of baggy room in it.
probably made just for gluttons like me!

Well, I went for black trews and a Japanese tunic thing and it was very nice, but practical and not floofy. But then I wore the flats that are too small and now the backs of my heels are bleeding. Oh well.

I think a couple of beers have put paid to the rantiness of earlier. We had a lovely meal.

Whoever said I need to do a bit of shopping is right. I own flipflops or heels and nothing in between (except the evil heel slayers).

Oh, AND, I chuckled because after typing the op I went back upstairs to find dh putting his shorts on, and I objected and asked him to wear trousers.

Normally I am really not bothered about whether I am wearing the right thing or not. I don't even shave my legs in summer if I don't feel like it.

So, in conclusion, I was being a bit melodramatic, and now I have a full belly I am much happier. I shall get The Beauty Myth down and have another read. And I shall look out your recommendation Dittany.

That outfit sounds like my stock one that gets dragged out for most of our "date nights" Yuno! You cannot go wrong with it, it's always flattering.

dittany - thanks for the tip that it was
Beauty and Misogyny that liberated you!

There is quite a bit of the book which can be read for free on amazon.

I really like the analysis about beauty being a harmful cultural practice and pointing out how Western beauty practives and prcedures are ignored in the UN documents etc.

I like the anlaysis of the influence of pornography and prostitution on beauty -

" As these industries have moved above ground, and become respectable, through the development of new technologies, such as the Internet and laissez-faire governments, the cultural requirements for the construction of beauty have changed. The stigmata of sexual objectification for sale have become de rigeur in the beauty industry. Pressures from pornography have created new fashion norms for women in general; such as breast implants, genital waxing, surgical alteration of labia, the trappings of sadomasochism in the form of black leather and vinyl, and the display of increasing amounts of flesh including naked breast and buttocks"

Yep - the penny has dropped for me "presures from pornography".

How have we come to a place where wearing this and performing in that sexual way is acceptable for breakfast TV?

I complained to Ofcom...

I am still trying to work out where my line in the sand is wrt to beauty practices.

My personal line in the sand is easy for me to work out. I am naturally lazy, and dislike pain. If something takes a lot of effort/money or causes me pain, I don't bother. But then there's not much that does either of these things that I particularly feel like wearing anyway. I don't feel that I have to choose between being comfortable and looking good (ish).