Raising children with Feminism in mind

[ClimberChick]

Not sure if this thread has been done before, but feel free to point me in the right direction.

Have recently started thinking about feminists issues in detail (now that I've found to place to talk and read about it, other than just my own head) and probably more to do with the fact that I have a 6 month DD.

Starting reading to her at bedtime as part of our new routine and it struck me how gender defined the characters are. Even been switching the sexes of the characters, not that DD appreciates my efforts.

This has made me realise that without effort, it will be very easy to reinforce gender expectations etc.

So general tips/areas or behaviours to look out for which we might commonly fall into if not looking (not sure if this makes sense). e.g. when she's older how to avoid all clothes having pink on them/ toys being male or female

Pinkfizzle - I also wasn't allowed barbies/pink stuff/big dresses etc. Did eventually manage to get a couple of girlier things with much hassling, but then found that they were boring to play with after all. I feel like a right old crone saying this but is it a very new thing that children/parents think that children must have what they want or some kind of damage will ensue?

My parents never said that I couldn't have this or that girly tat because it was Promoting a Bad Image Of Women. TBH they just said "no, because it's crap" or "no, it's too expensive". I understood that big flouncy princess dresses, patent leather shoes, world of barbie etc came under the heading of "crap" and I was never going to get them, and just made the most of playing with them at my friends' houses. I only realised much much later what they were up to (although money was also a real problem), and that all that inheriting clothes from my DB, dressing up as a pirate rather than a shepherdess etc was their way of avoiding over-girlying me. When I was a teenager I practically thanked my mum on my knees for the fact that there were no embarrassing "princessy" pictures to be brought out! :) As an adult I enjoy wearing dresses etc, but I'm really glad I got the opportunity to run around in shorts and t shirts and get muddy and dirty and scratched with brambles without anyone telling me off for being "unladylike" or "ruining" my clothes.

Also, try to avoid showing your surprise if your DC want to do stuff that isn't sterotypically done by their gender. If my parents had let me know when I was a child how surprised they were that I enjoyed helping my dad build walls, or fixing electrical stuff, I probably wouldn't have felt comfortable doing it.

Sorry this is turning into an epic, but can I also mention that little girls seem to be more willing (I'm calling nurture and earlier development) to help out in small ways around the house. If you have a DS as well, do try not to let DD do lots of work and let DS get away without doing any/much. I know a couple of little "come and help mummy" girls, and feel sorry for them TBH while their brothers are just allowed to keep playing.

See, my two both like to help equally, in fact dd will quite happily boss ds around: fetch this for me Ed, go and pick that up Ed! Trying to stop her being a lazy madam!

Marking my place

Just to echo elephant, I'm aware that girls more than boys get praised for helping out and for crowd pleasing. Starting them on the path to make everyone else happy/sorted except yourself. It's a bit young, I know, but DH this morning said 'good girl' to LO for helping (aka holding or rather eating the shopping list). My response was that she should be told thank you, as saying she is good implies she is bad for not helping.

I think the hardest part of raising her with gender in mind, is co-opting the DH. While he is keen, he just doesn't think about these things (and since he's the the SAHD I feel he needs to be).

There seems to be a minefield of subtleties.

Except that your dd will see that her Dad has given up his career to look after her while you are forging a career in a mainly male field, abroad to boot climber. She will have learnt that gender is no barrier to anything important

Ooh I was just going to say that ButterflyEffect - its the modelling for boys thats is so important I think - so they see men and woman doing things round the house equally and taking on caring roles equally and expressing emotion equally.

Its very hard as climberchick says though to say the right thing all the time though.

Just came across a blog called feminist childrearing!

It is run by the CRAP! (Child Rearing Against Patriarchy) Collective .

We are a group of parents, educators and people who care about children, who want a feminist upbringing for the next generation, and is open for all to join. We would like to create networks to support and discuss feminist childrearing issues and push childrearing issues in feminist activist circles.

It looks like it is full of interesting ideas etc.