The word 'feminism'

[LackingInspiration]

I've just realised that I'm really angry with my DH about something. Even though I praise my husband for being wonderful and believing strongly in women's rights, and to all intents and purposes being a feminist, when I told him the other day that I'd love to be able to join a feminist discussion group, he said 'I bet you would - slagging of men and saying how crap your husbands are would be just your cup of tea'!

WTF do you say to that? He's an amazing man, I promise. Is it really that the word 'feminist' just instinctively gets people's backs up? It's not like I haven't talked to him about feminism before. I hope he was joking! He does like to say that all I do with my friends is drink tea and slag off our husbands , but I didn't realise he thought that that was what feminism was.

What's humanism? How's it different to feminism? Should we be adopting it?

I don't know, Lenin. He works in a very misogynist environment, so possibly.

Trouble is, I do slag him off to my friends - that's how he sees it. I see it as letting of steam so that when he comes home I'm not mean to him as usually my gripes are unfair IYSWIM. My close friends indulge in the same activity. e.g. "It's so irritating that Dh never changes the loo roll/neatens the cushions blah blah blah". No way would I say this to him - how mean would that be if he'd just busted a gut tidying up and I said he'd done it all wrong?

However, I have explained this to him ad nauseum, so now it is just a joke to us - 'did you have a nice time at X's today? What did you moan about about me and MrX?'.

I'm just very that he thinks that that is what would happen at a feminist group - it makes me wonder if it's what he thinks feminism is - hating men.

I've heard some women use the term 'womanism' as they think feminism is too dominated by white women.

Re. your second post - I agree. The only way to change things is to talk about them openly and honestly - euphemisms are not helpful.

But is feminism actually accurate? What does it mean compared to humanism? Feminism does kind of suggest that it is solely about women...what are you called if you oppose racism? Or homophobia?

I thought women didn't like using 'lesbian' because, unlike 'gay', you have to say "I'm A lesbian" which is kinda like saying "I'm A gay" - sounds like an alien species or something.

WRT your OP. I vehemently don't think we should be ditching the word feminism for humanism. I'm not sure how they're different however the word on its own is relevant to the cause which is addressing oppression against women. Lets not erase the reference of women from the name of the movement for them!

Yes, I agree Lenin (again!). He was brought up by very critical parents, who didn't criticise his brother. He has very low self esteem, hence why I don't moan at him. I'm aware that letting irritations fester can cause bigger problems though, so a quick gossipy moan over a cuppa with a close friend who understands why you're moaning and that it means litte is, I think, helpful to a marriage.

However, I think you've inspired a good idea in me - will def. make sure I tell him more often when we've been singing his praises over a cuppa!

msrisotto - can't you say 'I am lesbian' though? Is it not an adjective as well as a noun?

I see what you're saying about the word feminism. Is humanism about being a feminist, civil rights activist, gay rights activist all rolled into one? Basically saying 'I just want everyone to be equal and everything to be fair'? But I see they need to be separate as you are fighting separate inequalities with different roots.

I guess it depends who you speak to. After all, I'm happy to call myself A feminist and A woman so it isn't water tight.

My understanding of humanism is that it is either of two things

1. is a philosophy that puts the role of the arts (humanities) at the centre of the devlopment of human charcter

or

2. an idealogy rejecting religious dogma, the supernatural and superstition.

If I've got it wrong, I hope someone will enlighten me.

I don't think humanism means "feminism plus men's rights".

Equalism would be a better term!

I prefer to not get too hung up on the "label". You could say you're going to discuss:

• the number of female MPs

• sexism in popular culture

• violence against women and children

and who's doing the housework!

etc etc

Consciousness raising followed by some activism.

But you can bet if we called ourselves "humanists" or "equalists" the pressure to sort out all man problems first would become even more massive. At least at the moment it does what it says on the tin - tries to make women's lives better. Another label and you would have sooooo many people saying "what about the rights of men to do x,y&z, aren't men "human" too?"

Plus you would fundamentallt get the same shit directed at it whatever if it was called, if it was called Used Frog Parts it would be the same - it's the idea of women claiming power that is so scary to people.

Yes, dittany, you have hit the nail on the head. Liberation now!

If you called yourself an equalist it would not be obvious whose discrimination your were referring to. You could be talking about the elderly, or dwarves, or the population of South America.

But each group experiences discrimination in a different way, so while I may agree that it is wrong to discriminate against dwarves, I have no experience of knowledge of dwarf issues. So in what sense am I an equalist? I'm not - I'm primarily an environmentalist, then a feminist, then a supporter of social justice in general.

by avoiding the term feminist we are giving away our power.... is what we are more palatable cos it sounds nicer? What we should be asking is; why are people so scared by the idea when all it means is equal rights?

Exactly Omar!

I'd be happy to do your survey Lizzie - are you going to post a link or PM volunteers or ...?

Lizzie10, I would happily do it too.

coming back to the OP, I am roffling at the idea that we would go to a feminist group and slag off our dps.

Firstly because I can slag off my dp with anyone (not that I want to) - other mums at school, MIL, the till lady in Sainsburys - whereas for a good feminist discussion you need someone who shares the feminist point of view, which is much rarer.

Secondly because there are much bigger things wrong with the patriarchy than dh making mistakes in the laundry sorting - why would I waste good feminist slagging-off time talking about minor domestic irritations when I could be talking about violence against women or the pornification of culture or discrimination in the workplace?!

would either of these points help convince your dp?!