How did your wedding day reflect your feminist beliefs?

[SkaterGrrrrl]

After reading lots of the awesome threads in here I've realised that many of us feminists are married. Marriage and weddings are often seen as not particularly feminist institutions, so just wondering how posters here incorporated feminist touches into their wedding day! Did you cross out the vow ?to obey? from your wedding ceremony? (There was an uproar when Princess Di did this). Did you ask a woman to make a speech at the reception?

Chocolate, I do see what you mean, but it is the fashion now for weddings to cost more, and ask more of, the woman. It is quite sexist, because of what is asked of her and who is expected to pay. For example, it is traditional that the bride's parents pay. It is common that the bride's dress will cost several hundred, maybe even a thousand pounds - whereas the groom (so wedding magazines tell us) can hire a suit, or buy one he will use time and again.

I think much of the expense of a modern, traditional wedding has to do with making the bride, and the women of the party, look attractive. That's dubious in terms of sexism, and lots of people don't like the idea that a woman should feel obliged to get dolled up in an outfit she will never wear again, in order to be married.

There is also the concern that, if a wedding is about conspicuous consumption, this may be a continuation of the old tradition where the bride's parents showed off how much money they could afford to lavish on their daughter/ how comfortably they expected their new son-in-law to 'keep' her.

Getting married in April.

We will walk down the "aisle" together.

I will keep my surname.

I will give a speech.

Hmm, see what you mean about the focus on the bride's appearance (though DH looked pretty damn fine in his suit I don't think he got so many comments on his appearance on the day!)

But I don't think nowadays it's common for the bride's parents to pay for the whole thing - maybe they're more likely to make a contribution than the groom's parents because of that tradition, but I'm not sure. Couples now tend to get married when they are older and a. can afford to pay and b. want to be in charge themselves rather than having the bride's parents call the shots because they are paying.