Carers- a feminist issue?

[SanctiMoanyArse]

Have started this after a recent thread diverted to the topic.

I think carers are a feminist issue as we are in the main female (certainly not exclusively) and it is a devalued role. We work ahrd and receive nothing but dismissal- threads where people say we should be working and are quite able, portrayed as villains for state dependency for our £54 a week when the last set of figures I accessed suggested that includingc are palns we saved the state £2000 a week.

How do we change our status though? It is excpected that we do this: the only way we could get help would be to abandon our children, even threatening does not really work any more as examples on ehre state. We can be (I am) vioently abused by the cared for, go days without sleep, a week without a bath yet we are seen as on a par with able bodied single people who choose not towork and contribute zero.

My feeling is that to increase awarenes of our value we need to ephasise the fact that we worek for our moiney: it is earned, not a hand out. At teh moment we are taxed on it, yet it is treated as repalcing income support- I woudl like to see it treated as worked hours, and therefore women caring with no partner would be entitled to tax credits as if they were doing any otehr job.

I woudl like to see employment help for carers, at the moment tehre is none, we are not on anyones ists; I woudl dealry love to recommence my career yet cannot access chidlare (ds1 is aggressive biut does not meet anybodies croteria- ds3 is simply ignopred, I ahve two with autism). I believe as a human I have a right tyo be able to access paid work.

I think carers should beenttiled to free courses at collges to enable them to find work that can fit aorund their needs. And that respite shoud be a nortm not soemthing wehave to battle for eyars for endlessly ( I finally ahd some this summer and my chidl was left unattended, injured himself and then someone else so am baclk to sqaure one. I ahven't ahd a night out with friends barring one awards ceremony in three years)

i feelt aht the plight of owmoen is magnified immensely in how we treat our carers becuase we are unable to fight- we would not give up our chidlren therefore we have no power and society knows this.

Which certainly feels like blackmail.

This has to be a feminist issue? How can it not be when so many carers are women? It is also taking the issue that women's work is not seen as being real work and is not paid for as a result.

One of the issues that seems to be easily forgotten is that it is not just for the years when a child is young. Some women will spend their entire adult lives caring for their disabled child. In my experience, social services only looks at this in terms of the welfare of the child, not the welfare of the carer.

The only solutions I can see are that funding for good quality care of people with disabilities has to be a priority, and that the attitudes to carers has to change, because I think sometimes now carers are politely shunned because people are uncomfortable with the carer or the child. I think women with children can do a lot about this, by being more inclusive, and the easiest way to achieve that is through women talking about and publicising this issue.

But if we talk about it we risk people getting quite funny: comments about us having THEIR money etc

Whereas I regard my CA as wages rightfully earned tbh

I hide my carer status as often as I can as it makes me vulnerable.

The otehr things is that yes to lifelong- I will be- but also later life as well, in that the cared for may well be an older person- indeed its a huge societal problem atm, with people living longer and could that be why carers are pushed away? because so very many peple will need to become one as care needs increase and care costs will go up as a result?

All wereceive as carer support ATM is access for ds3 to a summerscheme where he has a 1-1. When I was pregannt we were refused someone to look after the boys should I go into labouur when DH was away frow ork and we ahd to book a homebirth and hire a doula. I often miss appts for me when ill as there is no childcare, and when I was offered counselling post diagnosis I could not accept it as there was nonody to elave the children with.

It seems I ahve a very second rate of access to things we consider a basic human right as a result of being what- a decent mum?

Well I am told of a tory thread atm on here (I wont go on so dont know if peoplea ctually saying it are tories or not)

Schoolmums wnat to know how come I get paid their money to stay at home

Was told on here last week that anyone in receipt of benefits including carers was not in possesssion of an opinion worth listening to (BarmyArmy)

Actually it comes up airly often that we should ahve planned our lives better

Whereas Riven has a phd, I am doing an MA

I had a great job but no childcare without risking the provider being injured

It's as if it is our fault for not having the ability to pay for care but in fact virtually nobody actually does as it costs so much

But thats aginst the point

Why have carers rights I wonder been so low agenda? And whya re so many females able to distance themseves from soemthing that could affect any of us tomorrow?

Is it self -portection ostrich behaviour I wonder?

It has to be part of this idea that children are the parent's (really the mother's) responsibility and hers alone. We have to feel that we have a shared responsibility to the raising of the children in our community and that when we look after someone else's child for a day or a night or an afternoon, we are not doing another woman some huge favour, and that woman does not have to justify what it is she is doing with her time while we have her child.

Germaine Greer advocated this kind of thing in the Whole Woman, and I don't see how we are going to get anywhere without it. Some of us are also going to end up crazy without more sense of community.

I agree it's clearly a feminist issue. I've been doing some reading on this at work recently so I'll try to dig out some links.

Instresting that its a consensus so fa rthen

and TheBE pleas edo feel free to tlak about disability and females as well, important subject (and if I disappear dh apcking car to give me a break atm- I will be back and read it when I am near a PC again after today)

I agree about the whole community to raise a child thing- my last job was with homestart, a charity that wotrks so well in that field.
But on the threads sbout surestary provision people in need of support were referred to delicate flowers, or in need of a pull together.
Having worked pmothers with pueperal psychosis I fear what happensf it is all [ulled as for every milder case there is an extreme

However

Intresting about the beinga mother defines you- so oftem I am reffered to by professionals, even peopel who know I am better qualified than them as 'Mum'- depersonalisation in action I wonder?

interesting discussion. marking place while I go away and think about this.

Totally agree with everything said here. Caring is definitely a feminist issue, as is childcare for perfectly 'normal' (horrible word) children. The difference being, of course, that for someone lucky like me, there will only be a finite number of years where my life is held to ransom by the childcare issue, whereas for most carers it is a lifelong commitment.

I looked after my MIL until she died, and was shocked by the number of times SS appointments were missed, outside carers failed to turn up, etc. The only reason I managed to hold down my job was because it only lasted for a couple of years and I had the most understanding bosses ever. Sadly, I think most people would have found themselves either unemployed or forced to resign as they simply couldn't make it work.

No one is trying to deny that men are not in this situation, and when they are they suffer as much as any woman (financially at least, though they may get more 'support'), but the sad truth is that caring, like childrearing, OVERWHELMINGLY falls to the woman. How could it NOT be a feminist issue?

Sanctimoany, you go girl. Keep yelling your head off about these issues. I do. Hopefully some of it will start to stick. I know that for all the faces I've received, I've managed to get quite a few people to rethink things and come to surprising conclusions...

I do feel that I waring it a bit thin with the on-repeat carers / disability rights thing now

(not everyone on benefits is feckless yada yada etc)

Staritng to annoy people

But then mayeb that emans people are leistening at elast?

It's because women are seen as existing in relation to others, that caring for others is what women are for - 'care in the community' was always a euphemism for 'women's unpaid work'. So definitely a feminist issue.

I find that as a carer I am assumed to be always available. In fact I work (self employed plus phd / I can only work if I have complete control over my hours) but I have list count of the number of times someone expects me to be available within days. They never assume that of dh.

For example someone from the council rang me when ds1 no longer needed his booster seat for his bus and asked me to drop it back to them. Nowhere central - on the outskirts of town during school hours when I work. They seemed shocked when I suggested they might like to pick it up from school and that I wasn't available for council errands.

If anyone can recommend some reading around this I'd be interested.

I find there is a bit of a contradiction that I have to deal with (within myself I mean). On the one hand I enjoy the work I do and the whole getting away being someone else, but on the other hand it often clashes directly with meeting ds1's needs (in a way that it doesn't clash with meeting the needs of ds2 and ds3) and I also want to do that. I swing from day to day between finding work very important (for me) and wishing desperately that I didn't have to do it. I'd like to read feminist literature on mothers wanting to be carers (even when that role is very extended).

It's a bit like ds1's life I think. On paper his life should be terrible but I find if we get out there and do things then it's actually very good. I suppose that comes under feminism because we need support from the state/society to get out there and do things (which we don't need with ds2 and ds3) and for that support to be given I guess that a) ds1's life needs to be seen as valuable (that's not a feminist issue) and b) my role needs to be seen as more than the stop gap for ds1's problems.

Sancti and others who are Carer's - I value you and your contribution to society.

I sincerely hope that people who don't think you should receive Carer's Allowance are in the small minority.

I will try to jump onto threads if I see you all being bashed. I suppose I sometimes see it and think that it is just a wacky/wind-up view to be ignored.

Have you read What Mothers Do - especially when it looks like nothing? I am reading it at the moment and it is so liberating to have some words to validate my experiences as a Mother.

Those of you with DC's with a SN - as well as looking after them you are posting on MN and although it's often for support for yourselves and each others - to me it a form of consciousness raising. I am a school governor and what I learn from you means I am better placed to challenge the school's policies etc.

"And why are so many females able to distance themseves from soemthing that could affect any of us tomorrow?" Very good question - it is probably "out of sight - out of mind".

Do you have any links where I could educate myself about Carer's issues?

Sancti - have you thought about writing something for a Feminist blog on this topic - or starting a blog?

There seems to be such a chasm between the provision for acute health problems - i.e. we have the NHS and the provision to help people with SNs. So we all share the cost of the NHS through taxes but I see that there just isn't a proper provision for carer's. .