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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Has anyone changed their views on Feminism/women's role in society as a result of things they have read on here?

63 replies

Janos · 07/08/2010 20:01

Because I have.

MN has been a real eye opener for me here. I would say that I had, in the past, always thought of porn (for example) as harmless and using prostitutes/going to strip clubs as just one of those things men do.

But after discussing it on here and reading round the subject, I've given the subject more thought, done my own reading round the subject and it's really affected me. Another example...I remember once stumbling upon a link which an ex boyfriend mentioned to me he had looked it. It contained images, words which really disturbed me. They were just horrible. I honestly had no idea this stuff existed before and was a real eye opener.

And a few threads on here too (recently) have provided a horrible insight into how some people's minds work. Specifically, I'm referring to the thread about a 12 year old rape victim. People were actually coming on there defending him. I couldn't believe it! My reaction when first reading about the case was 'of course..he would say that wouldn't he?'. And I came to MN expecting people would universally be thinking the same thing..which of course they won't.

And the casual objectification of women everywhere..now I'm in my mid 30s and I don't remember it being so bad when I was a teen. Thats not to say the attitudes weren't there then...just now they have a new outlet.

I feel angry about all this but at the same time pleased that there are people who care aboiut this sort of thing and want to fight against it.

So, thank you to everyone who cares about this kind of thing and is trying to make a difference. And for enlightening me. Keep going!

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Janos · 07/08/2010 20:02

Sorry grammar and spelling a wee bit off there reading back. Hopefully still make sense :).

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Aitch · 07/08/2010 20:04

i don't think it's changed my viewpoint so much as reminded me of a lot of stuff that i stopped thinking about, but yes...

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/08/2010 20:05

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LeninGrad · 07/08/2010 20:13

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Janos · 07/08/2010 20:16

Actually reading back I think it's more accurate to say, rather than 'changing' my views it's validated things that I always felt at some level but couldn't quite articulate, through lack of confidence/awareness.

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StewieGriffinsMom · 07/08/2010 20:19

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Beachcomber · 07/08/2010 20:34

Great thread!

Agree that the MN feminist section has validated things for me and has helped me feel less 'apologetic' about my (possibly quite radical) views. I live in France where feminism is even more of a dirty word than it is in the UK.

It is great to share ideas here and not feel alone in one's views.

Crazy really that in this day and age women still feel cautious about expressing feminist opinions. I have always been against porn, prostitution, rape myth culture and all the rest but it is so so nice to share those views and hear the arguments of other women.

There have been some fantastic threads on feminist books, blogs, etc. I am taking Kate Millet's 'Sexual Politics' on holiday to reread thanks to MN motivation.

All power to us...

Janos · 07/08/2010 20:46

Thank you Beachcomber and StewieGriffinsMom :)

I was bought up in what I would describe as a feminisit environment (my mum was a single parent, she worked, and dinned into me and my sister the importance of having your own momney, independence etc) but at the same time there were things in the background that made me uncomfortable.

Boys at school making unpleasant comments (girls being described as slags, whores etc.so nasty stuff...and I'm talking about 11 year olds here so mid 80s).

Another incident I recall, working in my Dad's office as a teen (aged 16/17) and there were 'girlie' calendars up everywhere. They made me feel really uncomfortable and awkward but I didn't feel able to say so. Finding porn mags in a a cupboard when I was asked to do some filing.

This is just a snapshot but there were lots of other 'little' incidents.

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Janos · 07/08/2010 20:47

I will definitely be looking at some of the book threads for ideas on reading, and have checked out some blog links too.

It is good to discuss these things with like minded women :).

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ElephantsAndMiasmas · 07/08/2010 22:34

Not changed my fundamental views but I've certainly learnt a lot. Lots of facts etc but also different perspectives on issues.

Since this is a thread for being nice, and at the risk of being branded a suck up, can I say thanks to dittany? I fairly often disagree with her, but her views are so uncompromising and clear cut that she expands the perimeters of what I allow myself to think about, if that makes sense. Her voice on here has done a lot for me, and i suspect for others too - and it can't be easy being the go-to radfem. She gets a lot of shit for it.

Aitch · 07/08/2010 22:47

amen to that. she certainly makes me think, although like you say, i don't always agree with her analysis.

Sakura · 08/08/2010 04:02

Interesting,
I read in the Beauty myth that one of the reasons women's magazines are so popular, despite being so dire, are that they represent women's subculture. WOmen can try to gauge from them what other women are thinking, which is why they've taken off.

I think this MN section, or all of MN, serves the same function as the magazines but without the crappy sex tips (how to give a blow job Hmm ) or plastic surgery adds.

I think this is a great way to mobilize women in feminist issues. I remember Xenia saying this is a place we can come to without having to take another woman's appearance into account. Society forces us to make assumptions about people based on their appearance, class, race, sexuality, etc (which is wrong, and divides women) but here nobody can do that.

OrientCalf · 08/08/2010 04:19

I do far more lurking than posting in this section, but it has certainly clarified for me some of the reasons why I hold certain views, and made me feel more able to challenge misogynist views in others

ISNT · 08/08/2010 10:12

Great thread!

Yes MN has completely changed things for me. I always knew that I was a feminist, and that things weren't quite right, but I never talked about it or read about it or anything. The reasons I knew I was a feminist were similar to Janos' - the way boys and men treated me when I was a teenager and young woman, my discomfort at things like page 3, being patronised generally...

Then I came on here and came across a thread where Dittany was in full flow and I'd never seen anything like it before in my life! It was brilliant. Seeing her and others on threads expressing what I felt, it was a total revelation.

I think that Dittany is brilliant - I also don't always agree with her Grin but the clarity of her views is so important. So many times I will start to be persuaded to weaken my original feelings and then she will come on and say something utterly straightforward and to the point and bolster me back up again.

And she takes a huge amount of flak for what she does so .

And now look at me - just put in an amazon order for some books, just started reading Sexual Politics, I'm going on the london feminist day thing in october, and keep having massive rows with my work colleagues! Umm... hooray! Confused Grin

BecauseImWorthIt · 08/08/2010 10:17

I think I've just got lazy about it all and become blind to certain things, so the threads on here have been quite a jolt - in particular the strength of some of the anti-feminist sentiments have been quite an unpleasant shock.

And another round of applause for dittany from me, too.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/08/2010 10:24

And also for every woman on here who gains a bit of strength from finding they're "not the only one", that is going to radiate out to their family, their colleagues (ISNT) and their friends.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/08/2010 10:26

sorry ISNT, didn't mean to hyperlink you!

Beachcomber · 08/08/2010 11:06

Me too - thanks to dittany (and plenty of others like ISNT, Herbeatitude, Stayfrosty, etc).

What is great about dittany is that she is so uncompromising and unapologetic about it all that she encourages the rest of us to 'own it' too IYSWIM.

We're so used to misogyny that we don't even see the outrageousness of it all half the time - women like dittany help me to see that there is nothing extreme about my views and that I have every right to hold them and express them.

Thanks everybody.

Beachcomber · 08/08/2010 11:11

Picking up on what BIWI says - the reaction of some of the antifeminists/nonfeminisits are often quite Shock but also interesting because they reinforce my views and help me understand why I think what I do. The arguments are generally fairly easy to de-construct and so clearly reflect the patriarchy. The same themes come up time and time again and it helps to be clear in one's own thoughts by encountering opposing views.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/08/2010 11:36

Yeah, so a big shout out to Shrieking, SomeGuy, DP etc... At least we know we can't relax while you're out there :)

Prolesworth · 08/08/2010 11:55

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wingandprayer · 08/08/2010 12:05

Yes, this subject on MN has definitely made me rethink some views, solidify others and made me realise why I have always felt uncomfortable about some things. It has absolutely influenced the way I raise and will raise my daughter. I need to do some more reading too though - maybe would be helpful to have a 'feminist bookshelf' thread with recommendations as I know a lot have been recommended but scattered across lots of threads?

dittany · 08/08/2010 12:06

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dittany · 08/08/2010 12:09

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vesuvia · 08/08/2010 12:31

My views have been both strengthened and changed by reading all the interesting threads in this section of Mumsnet, for example those epic threads about transsexuals. I also find myself more angry about sexualisation of children, pornography and abuse than I was (and I was already rather angry about them before I joined MN!).

Obviously, I don't agree with all other posters all of the time, who does? I thank dittany and the many other posters who have made this a very stimulating and thought-provoking part of the Internet.

I think feminism has suffered from not having forums like this to air our views, leading to isolation and a feeling of "am I the only person who thinks x?". I haven't found anywhere else on the web where a group of English-speaking women from far and wide can come together on a daily basis to discuss feminism in depth. There is always something to respond to. That is really wonderful and I am so glad that I found you! I'm looking forward to reading and contributing to many more good threads.

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