Surrogacy and feminism

[TheBossofMe]

Just picking up on a point that Sakura raised a little while ago on another thread about surrogacy. Is it anti-feminist? Will confess to having seriously made surrogacy arrangements with a friend (her egg, my womb, baby for each of us) in the past (not needed by either of us in the end). Did my desire to have a child blind me to the oppressive nature of surrogacy, ie reducing women to a talking womb?

I am a feminists and would happily be a surrogate for others. The reason I haven't pursued it with strangers is that my husband feels massively uncomfortable with the idea. (This doesn't undermine my feminism by the way, but is a recognition that surrogacy would be a decision that would affect both him and my children and that it is not something I would do unless they were in complete agreement.)

I would, however, be a surrogate for my sister with donor eggs and sperm if the need arose.

There are separate issues here. Paying someone in a developing country to have your child could be viewed as oppressive and treating women as a commodity. But willingly volunteering your body to do good would seem to me to be the epitome of feminism.

I agree. I agree that surrogacy should not be paid for. So is the conclusion that surrogacy can be both feminist OR anti-feminist depending on the circumstances?

SAF...that is a very scary thought

even though womankind has already made men superfluous to creating families, I wouldn't like it the other way around

not a fair thought though, is it ?

meh. I don't know what I think, surrogacy worked for me.

I've carried three surrogate babies and there was no exploitation or womb-renting with any of them but as has been said, this is in part down to the surrogacy laws in this country which actually come out of anti-slavery laws.

I do feel uncomfortable with the idea of surrogacy being a paid for activity but when I think about it I can't work out who would be exploiting who so maybe my gut reaction has no real founding.

The men could then purchase my fine breastmilk

I did, evidenced and reciepted expenses documented and presented to the court reporter for the Parental Order.

Dittany, this is one of the things I was thinking about when I raised the point about interfering with nature. Adults desire a child, yet the children may experience lifelong difficult feelings. This is why I am uncomfortable with surrogates using their own eggs - literally giving their children away.

Renting one's womb to genetic parent(s) to grow their baby seems very different, and therefore I feel more comfortable with the idea of payment.

The total is no-one else's business, the courts were more than happy that they were genuine expenses and that is what matters in my opinion.

The eldest is nearly nine and he is still involved in my life, we meet up regularly and are now like extended family. The younger two (sisters) are 4 and 2 so don't really understand it all despite being told but I am their god-mother and see them when I can (I'm in Beds and they are in the NE so not as often as we'd all like).

Are they your genetic children?

Are you able to share a bit about your motivation to become a surrogate?

They aren't my genetic children, no.

When I was pregnant with my son (11 on Saturday) I was in a yahoo group that included a woman whose child was being carried by a surrogate. As we all became mums I saw/read her joy at the same time as going through the life changing experience of motherhood myself and I wanted to help someone else have that too. I breastfed my son until he self-weaned then contacted a support group to find out more. The support worker I saw had been to do a session with intended parents a couple of days before me and realised during our discussion that we could well get on and want to work together so asked if she could send me their details. She did, I liked them, we met and have been firm friends since...

Thanks Mum. I have a friend who is considering becoming a surrogate (in America). She already has a handful of children of her own, loves being pregnant, loves birthing, and feels sad for women who are not able to carry their own children to term. She also needs the money.

Dittany, for whatever reason, it seems worse to me to give away one's genetic children.

Surely being the actual genetic child of the children who raise you after gestation in a surrogate uterus, is not the same as being taken away, given away, unwanted, rejected, wanted but given away anyway, adopted, etc? I do know that adopted friends talk about the primal wound, and wonder whether we know enough about the interaction between baby in utero and mother to understand the potential damage a surrogacy arrangement might do.

I agree interfering with nature is probably never a good thing. Yet we do, because we have emotions we can't bear. We invent medicine for dying people, we invent IVF, etc.

As for prostitution, I'm afraid don't agree that non-sexual transactions can be defined as prostitution. Exploitation, certainly, but prostitution is about sex. Surrogacy is about carrying babies.

Yes, it's interference with nature but so is most modern medicine. If we didn't interfere with nature a lot more women would die of breast and cervical cancer for example.

I think surrogacy is a wonderful altruistic thing that one woman can do for another and can't understand why on earth an adult woman shouldn't be able to decide what happens to her own womb, whether that is to carry her own children, another woman's children or no children at all.

when I underwent my infertility treatment, it was interfering with nature

if it was left up to Mother Nature, I would still remain childless and my lovely children would never exist

I cannot agree with your stance here Dittany

renting wombs for money...no way from an ethical viewpoint

surrogacy for altruistic reasons...yes, I can live with that, expenses included

for a woman to undergo invasive control of her menstrual cycle, insemination and the resultant toll on her career and her body, there should be reasonable expenses

and I think any child brought into the world this way, if handled sensitively and given the right information at the right time, would not have a problem with it

I believe the surrogacy community gives families very clear and consistent advice on handling future disclosures to the child, friends and extended family members