all those 'strippers/lap dances on stag weekend' threads

[Swishswish]

I had a different name a few months ago so you won't remember me anyway but...

I posted on one of those 'my DP is going to get a lap dance on a stag weekend shall I pretend to be cool about it?' threads a few months ago. At the time I had just found out that my DP was going to Amsterdam for his friend's stag do. I said on the thread that I would prefer that he didn't go to a strip club, but that I couldn't very well expect him to sit outside. Someone (who I can't remember) told me that I was a silly silly woman and that's exactly what I should expect.

So I had a quiet word with my DP about how I didnt think strip clubs are acceptable, mainly because I do not believe that women are commodities or things that can be bought and sold.

He just got back and his friends told me that he had gone to a nearby bar while they all went to a strip club. And he didn't even blame it on his whiney DP, he said he didn't like the idea of it.

Reading the feminism threads have made me rethink lots of issues, this was just one of them. Please keep posting and discussing, I am learning so much from you all.

It may sound silly, but I think there's a lot of pressure for men in a group to behave a certain way, especially when it's 'the lads' on a night out together.

I'm positive that in normal circumstances, some of the men I worked with wouldn't have dreamt of visiting a brothel unless they were put under extreme pressure to by their colleagues. What disgusted me the most was how weak-minded they were - and not giving a moment's consideration to their wives and children at home.

aye, so much more imprtant what other MEN think of you. what women think of you - meh - not so much.............

My Japanese friend worked in a male dominated industry where men used to fly from all over the country to the capital. She was a money broker in Tokyo.

She said every single man without fail was unfaithful to his wife.
It put her off marriage completely.
Now there may be a cultural issue (Japan) but it tells me that yes, most men will put other men above their wives any day.

Sakura, it is very obvious to me that eveyone's opinion on this will differ depending on their own experiences

I don't, and never have, moved in circles where going to a strip club is the "norm"

My husband, and all his friends, would not consider prioritising such a visit above the feelings of their partners

I know this. I have known them all for 25 years. Anybody who tries to tell me I am naive, and "most" men are at it, I laugh in their face

Because, you see, I think it very much depends on the men that you know (and the behaviour you are prepared to accept)

Very true, AnyFucker. My DH knows that one wiff of an affair and it's over.

But it makes you think...

oh yes, it makes you think

and be aware

and make it clear where your own boundaries lie

I don't make the mistake of thinking it can never happen to me, no sirr-eeeee